Relationship problems

  1. Hello!

    Question!

    For those who are RN/LPN or those going into nursing school or are already in nursing school, and to all of the above I just listed, is it normal to be in a relationship where you're talked to the point you're crying?

    This kind of isn't nursing related but it does have to do with nurses and nursing students who have spouses they go to for support. WHat's not nursing related is my mom was telling me the other day at a restaurant, "Michael makes me cry all the time. If you're not crying, you're not in a relationship" So I guess your spouse is supposed to make you cry? I've never heard of that. Michael is my step-dad.

    Now, what is nursing related, in relation to what I just asked, I've seen comments on here about nurses/nursing students and their "hubbys" saying things that make them mad when they vent. Some of the comments I've seen on here like that make me think their husbands are not supportive whatsoever.

    So, an article on here is an LPN is having issues with some RNs at her job. She vents to her husband at home. Husband isn't much help. How much insanity is the LPN going through? Home and work life are providing zero exit out of a frustrating problem. I don't know what any woman or male on here who is married to a man would consider not helpful from their husband but is it normal to be in that kind of relationship? If someone makes you cry and you waste your life away with that person who doesn't have any interest in trying to help you, you would continue to be with that person?

    When my mom told me Michael makes me cry all the time, I looked at her like "WHAT?" as if the world was going to end tomorrow. Not in an angry, full of rage type look like a father, but more like "I thought he was the holy grail of husband for you!!! I thought he was Mr. Perfect. Never made you cry" What made her cry recently was he was so pissed at her about something that he was talking and talking and talking and talking in such a calm way that he "talked her ear off" that she just couldn't handle it and she started crying. And I guess it's not the first time she's cried because of him. Which was a real eye-opener because I thought he was mister perfect/a womans man. What every woman wants.

    Anyway, I was just wondering if what she's saying is maniacal/unhealthy or a part of life?
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  2. 31 Comments

  3. by   jodispamodi
    I guess for me, if I was in a relationship with someone who made me cry all the time, I'd be ending that relationship. But that is just me and my own opinion. I had a boyfriend once who hated the fact I have horses, that I spent my money on them, or my time with them, etc. He said to me one day "its me or the horses", I think the thing that surprised him the most was that it didn't take me more than 1 second to say "see ya", So I guess alot of it comes down to what one is willing to put up with to be in a relationship, whether they are co-dependent or an enabler, whether they know their own worth, have self respect, and self esteem and whether they are the type of person who needs to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. again this all just my personal opinion.
  4. by   Triddin
    I've been with my partner for 10 years and they have never made me cry. They don't necessarily understand what I'm venting about, but they have mastered the art of nodding and looking sympathetic and just letting me vent

    I know nursing and nursing school changes people. I think about 80% of the people I started nursing school broke up with their so by the end

    It's completely your choice if you want to stay in this relationship, what you're values are and such.
  5. by   Munch
    If I was with someone who made me cry(assuming it wasn't tears if joy) all the time I would definitely end it. Your significant other is supposed to make you happy not sad.
  6. by   NightNerd
    Nope, could not be with someone who made me cry all the time, even if it was not his intention. My ex- boyfriend of five years caused me so much distress, even without meaning to, that I wasted nearly the whole time trying to be a functional human being. My boyfriend now of over two years had never made me cry. There are misunderstandings, infrequently, but I'm amazed at what I have accomplished with his support. It's important to be with someone who can help motivate and encourage you, not someone who costs you all your time and energy.
  7. by   RockinNurse2018
    Crying all the time is not a normal part of a healthy relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, and we have never made each other cry. We're always happy when we're together. Sometimes I wonder if it is a real relationship, because we have never fought, but I think we just have very compatible personalities.
  8. by   JKL33
    Quote from Munch
    If I was with someone who made me cry(assuming it wasn't tears if joy) all the time I would definitely end it. Your significant other is supposed to make you happy not sad.
    I would leave if they made me cry tears of sorrow or tears of joy.

    Crying sucks, in general, except for like once every 5 years or so.

    On a more serious note, it's all about one thing: Respect. In my book literally everything else flows from that.
  9. by   Horseshoe
    Quote from Beldar_the_Cenobite
    Hello!

    WHat's not nursing related is my mom was telling me the other day at a restaurant, "Michael makes me cry all the time. If you're not crying, you're not in a relationship"
    Sorry, but that's complete and utter nonsense.
  10. by   Cat365
    Quote from jodispamodi
    I guess for me, if I was in a relationship with someone who made me cry all the time, I'd be ending that relationship. But that is just me and my own opinion. I had a boyfriend once who hated the fact I have horses, that I spent my money on them, or my time with them, etc. He said to me one day "its me or the horses", I think the thing that surprised him the most was that it didn't take me more than 1 second to say "see ya", So I guess alot of it comes down to what one is willing to put up with to be in a relationship, whether they are co-dependent or an enabler, whether they know their own worth, have self respect, and self esteem and whether they are the type of person who needs to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. again this all just my personal opinion.
    Glad other people are like me. I dumped a guy one time because he didn't like my dog. I was telling someone about it once and they said "Well you had the dog first."

    I told her that actually the guy came first. I just liked the dog more.
  11. by   JBudd
    In 14 years of marriage, my husband never once made me cry until he was dying of cancer. And that wasn't his fault.

    My daughter had a boy friend as a teen, who objected to her fencing and tried the "you spend more time with that than me, make a choice". She went to the Junior Olympics on our state fencing team. Guess what the choice was. He decided maybe he could live with it after all.
  12. by   Amethya
    Uh.... no?

    I been with my fiance for 3 years, 2 years of being friends before getting together and he never once made me cry. Even if he did, he would apologize and try to make up for it. But never once made me cry, so yeah no. My ex-boyfriend did make me feel sad and cry all the time, so I don't know about you, but I left him and didn't go out with anyone for 7 years because I didn't trust anyone anymore. So it took A LOT for my boyfriend to talk to me and be my friend, then try to be my boyfriend.

    So my answer: I would break up with someone like that. In a heartbeat!
  13. by   Libby1987
    I wouldn't stay with someone who wasn't supportive nor would I stay with someone who vented frequently. Situationally, of course, but not months on end.

    I had an in law who frequently ranted and complained about her social work and psychology programs. Pretty much everytime we saw her and asked the customary, how are you? It was grating and though stress isn't a competition it was out of proportion from my perspective and I could never live with that.
  14. by   ruby_jane
    I will also add that it's wrong to expect a non-nursing professional to empathize with us. The stories I used to go home with....nope. If you need a confidant who will empathize, pick another nurse. It's just easier to tell a non-nursing partner "I had a hard day" when s/he asks what's wrong.

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