Relationship problems

Nurses General Nursing

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Hello!

Question!

For those who are RN/LPN or those going into nursing school or are already in nursing school, and to all of the above I just listed, is it normal to be in a relationship where you're talked to the point you're crying?

This kind of isn't nursing related but it does have to do with nurses and nursing students who have spouses they go to for support. WHat's not nursing related is my mom was telling me the other day at a restaurant, "Michael makes me cry all the time. If you're not crying, you're not in a relationship" So I guess your spouse is supposed to make you cry? I've never heard of that. Michael is my step-dad.

Now, what is nursing related, in relation to what I just asked, I've seen comments on here about nurses/nursing students and their "hubbys" saying things that make them mad when they vent. Some of the comments I've seen on here like that make me think their husbands are not supportive whatsoever.

So, an article on here is an LPN is having issues with some RNs at her job. She vents to her husband at home. Husband isn't much help. How much insanity is the LPN going through? Home and work life are providing zero exit out of a frustrating problem. I don't know what any woman or male on here who is married to a man would consider not helpful from their husband but is it normal to be in that kind of relationship? If someone makes you cry and you waste your life away with that person who doesn't have any interest in trying to help you, you would continue to be with that person?

When my mom told me Michael makes me cry all the time, I looked at her like "WHAT?" as if the world was going to end tomorrow. Not in an angry, full of rage type look like a father, but more like "I thought he was the holy grail of husband for you!!! I thought he was Mr. Perfect. Never made you cry" What made her cry recently was he was so pissed at her about something that he was talking and talking and talking and talking in such a calm way that he "talked her ear off" that she just couldn't handle it and she started crying. And I guess it's not the first time she's cried because of him. Which was a real eye-opener because I thought he was mister perfect/a womans man. What every woman wants.

Anyway, I was just wondering if what she's saying is maniacal/unhealthy or a part of life?

Yeah no, 16 years with my husband and he's never made me cry. I couldn't be in a relationship like that.

I'm only a student, but he is my absolute biggest cheerleader. He picked up most of the chores around here, like laundry, cooking, shopping and school stuff with the kids. He wakes me up every morning with a hot cup of coffee and my scrubs (mornings are tough for me). He makes sure I either have lunch or cash and that I have plenty of space and time to study. He makes sympathetic noises when I complain about a lab instructor yelling at me because I spoke before class started. He dropped everything this morning to bring me my name badge because you can't come to lab without your name badge.

You have to find someone that improves your quality of life, while you improve theirs.

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
jodispamodi said:
I guess for me, if I was in a relationship with someone who made me cry all the time, I'd be ending that relationship. But that is just me and my own opinion. I had a boyfriend once who hated the fact I have horses, that I spent my money on them, or my time with them, etc. He said to me one day "its me or the horses", I think the thing that surprised him the most was that it didn't take me more than 1 second to say "see ya", So I guess alot of it comes down to what one is willing to put up with to be in a relationship, whether they are co-dependent or an enabler, whether they know their own worth, have self respect, and self esteem and whether they are the type of person who needs to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. again this all just my personal opinion.

Reminds me of the song by Brad Paisley

Enjoy

Hppy

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Well I was recently in a relationship with a guy that made me cry several times. He would pick me apart and magnify what he called my flaws.

A lot of it, I relate to his low self esteem in regards to where we were both socioeconomically.

He worked the front desk of a hotel, making about 10/hr. This was NON issue for me but he made it clear he felt inadequate in comparison to me and my career and goals.

Anyway he would make mean remarks like "there you go again being an arrogant nurse".

We somehow ended up talking about how during the hurricane my hospital had a shortage of wipes and I said we had to use those face rags and he was saying how those towels clean a lot better...

and I said "when you have an elderly GI bleeder those towels will tear up their behind"

thats one one time he called an "arrogant nurse" and got SO hateful toward me in the moment.

He would say a lot of other things.

Anyway. It ended recently and although I'm still hurting I'm glad I saw this thread because it made me think ... NO I would not want to be with someone that made me cry.

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I agree with everybody. But I can also envision the wife being a something of a delicate snowflake and the husband rolling his eyes and thinking, "here we go again"!

I think we need some specific examples of what the husband is saying or doing that makes the wife cry all the time?

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Specializes in Pedi.
ruby_jane said:
I will also add that it's wrong to expect a non-nursing professional to empathize with us. The stories I used to go home with....nope. If you need a confidant who will empathize, pick another nurse. It's just easier to tell a non-nursing partner "I had a hard day" when s/he asks what's wrong.

I agree with this. I do NOT talk about anything nursing related to non-nurses. I have a few close nurse friends and they are who I talk to/vent to about nursing related things. My boyfriend talks to me about his work all the time. I rarely have anything to say in response because I've never worked in his field. We also don't make each other cry.

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CardiacDork said:
Well I was recently in a relationship with a guy that made me cry several times. He would pick me apart and magnify what he called my flaws.

A lot of it, I relate to his low self esteem in regards to where we were both socioeconomically.

He worked the front desk of a hotel, making about 10/hr. This was NON issue for me but he made it clear he felt inadequate in comparison to me and my career and goals.

Anyway he would make mean remarks like "there you go again being an arrogant nurse".

We somehow ended up talking about how during the hurricane my hospital had a shortage of wipes and I said we had to use those face rags and he was saying how those towels clean a lot better...

and I said "when you have an elderly GI bleeder those towels will tear up their behind"

thats one one time he called an "arrogant nurse" and got SO hateful toward me in the moment.

He would say a lot of other things.

Anyway. It ended recently and although I'm still hurting I'm glad I saw this thread because it made me think ... NO I would not want to be with someone that made me cry.

I dated a guy like that before my husband. He was a high school janitor, which isn't a bad job and is a very valuable profession, but he made $11.50/hour compared to my $14/hour. I had to pay for most of our dates, even when he brought his teenage son along. I started making the waiter split our checks when he did that. Anyway, he'd make all kinds of snide remarks about how I'm so smart because I went to medical school and I know everything. I tried to correct him and explain the difference between nursing school and medical school, but he shushed me. He LOVED saying that and would always throw that in my face, "but you went to medical school so you should know all this" if I didn't have an answer to any question, medical-related or not. He finally got to where he'd rather spend his weekend nights at the strip club and when I told him I didn't want to go there, he told me that we wouldn't be going out that weekend, so it was strip club or not seeing him. I am so glad I finally chose not seeing him. ?

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Beldar_the_Cenobite said:
Hello!

Question!

For those who are RN/LPN or those going into nursing school or are already in nursing school, and to all of the above I just listed, is it normal to be in a relationship where you're talked to the point you're crying?

This kind of isn't nursing related but it does have to do with nurses and nursing students who have spouses they go to for support. WHat's not nursing related is my mom was telling me the other day at a restaurant, "Michael makes me cry all the time. If you're not crying, you're not in a relationship" So I guess your spouse is supposed to make you cry? I've never heard of that. Michael is my step-dad.

Now, what is nursing related, in relation to what I just asked, I've seen comments on here about nurses/nursing students and their "hubbys" saying things that make them mad when they vent. Some of the comments I've seen on here like that make me think their husbands are not supportive whatsoever.

So, an article on here is an LPN is having issues with some RNs at her job. She vents to her husband at home. Husband isn't much help. How much insanity is the LPN going through? Home and work life are providing zero exit out of a frustrating problem. I don't know what any woman or male on here who is married to a man would consider not helpful from their husband but is it normal to be in that kind of relationship? If someone makes you cry and you waste your life away with that person who doesn't have any interest in trying to help you, you would continue to be with that person?

When my mom told me Michael makes me cry all the time, I looked at her like "WHAT?" as if the world was going to end tomorrow. Not in an angry, full of rage type look like a father, but more like "I thought he was the holy grail of husband for you!!! I thought he was Mr. Perfect. Never made you cry" What made her cry recently was he was so pissed at her about something that he was talking and talking and talking and talking in such a calm way that he "talked her ear off" that she just couldn't handle it and she started crying. And I guess it's not the first time she's cried because of him. Which was a real eye-opener because I thought he was mister perfect/a womans man. What every woman wants.

Anyway, I was just wondering if what she's saying is maniacal/unhealthy or a part of life?

Ahhhh, youth.

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Relationships are complicated and probably shouldn't be analyzed from the outside in. Most of the time it's an exercise in understanding what quirks you are or are not willing to tolerate (and for how long).

Thankfully my wife has stuck around through a myriad of quirks I have and as a good husband, I can attest my wife does absolutely nothing to ever irritate me because she is perfect just as she is. ;) I can't guarantee that I haven't made her cry over some of the stupid sh*t I've done over the years. But I own my mistakes and even when we have differences, we have common ground to endure and be happy about more things than unhappy. Maybe therein lies the balance...having more things to be happy about than not happy.

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