Newnurse24

Thank you so much for the book recommendation and advice! Although he does not spend every evening out with friends, he goes out occasionally to his sister's house because they are very close and they both like to drink. He was only texting one woman as far as I know, I know many others in this post think he was texting a lot of woman. His behaviors have stopped for the past weeks and he is not drinking to the point of blacking out. We have talked seriously about cutting his beer intake because that is what he likes.

No, I am not using the same therapist. I have my own individual therapist now. She was very objective but young and naive, and I should have known better before seeking advice from a young woman from my same age who is divorced. She was mostly on "his side" during our appointments because I became angry, frustrated towards him after the cheating. So, all of our appointments were about how angry I was towards him and my reactions towards him.

I think a lot of people change directions and make career changes all the time. Some wait until a mid-life crisis. Others have personal problems, financial problems, and responsibilities that don't enable them to pursue their dreams until later on in life. One of my nursing professors worked in the field of informatics before becoming an ER nurse and nursing professor, and my other professor was a tech before pursuing nursing.

Thank you! We all need a good laugh!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and advice with me. I was only thinking of myself when I decided to get my ADN degree. My focus was on passing, doing well, getting the skills. My priorities were a messed! But I did what I had to do to “make it” in nursing. Unfortunately, after I found him texting another woman. It is when I realized I was losing my family and husband! my priorities are now clear and I know what I want.

Thank you for your post and advice! The idea of me neglecting him came from him. It also came during therapy because I was focused in my education and I was never open to do anything with him when he invited me out when I was a nursing student. Often times, I told him that I am very busy or very stress over an upcoming exam. I used to lock myself in our bedroom where I have my study area and desk and he wouldn’t see me for hours until bedtime. Hence my poor time management! So in a way, I neglected the relationship... but I understand that adults can’t be neglected. He is a full grown man. Hopefully I will be done with my BSN this Spring so I will have more time in my hands to dedicate to my family and get some sanity to think about what I really want out of this. Relationships can get trickier when there is still love and feelings are involved and children are in the middle of everything.

That is very accurate. When someone is up to some thing, they accuse others of the same acts or behaviors to justify it. Thank you for your support!

Some men feel less of a men if their spouses makes more money than them. I have big ambitions but I am not competing with anyone in my personal or professional life. I am a perfectionist. Striving for excellent grades, excellent nursing skills and provide for my family and have a higher education. Some men see that as a threat! I have time management issues and the whole balancing act is difficult! I don’t know how so many people make it work so effortless. Most female friends and nurses that I know sacrifice to work night shift to be around their children during the day.

No, the couple therapy was my idea. I was the one who looked for one. His excuse was “I have a better insurance than his”. No, he does not plan anything fun to do with me in my days off. His excuse is the pandemic and his money problems due to working less hours since the pandemic and having trouble to pay for his cars, his personal bills, and soon to lose his insurance due to his employer decision. He has been a little envious of my earnings since I started working. He thinks that it must be nice to make what I make when he has to work so hard for Two weeks to make what I can make in a week. I have never compared our earnings. Couldn’t care less about it. Not everything is my fault. But I do recognize I have focused intensely in my career and studies that I have put my family second. He is not a child, but we can’t neglect relationships, because relationships require of time, love and effort to work. But if they require too much effort, then some thing is wrong! Thank you for putting things into perspective! The two of us have to put up a fight! Not just me.

Thank you so much! I don’t know how much I am willing to take. He seems to continue to do things that upset me and thinks that I need to pass the page, move on, and a quickly sorry is enough.

Thank you so much! Your words about feeling lonely or single in a marriage resonated with me. I am aware of my past mistakes, I am trying to change. I am willing to do my part but only time will tell if he is going to do the same.

I think you are right! The marital problems only grew in proportion after I spent so much time working on evenings and studying. But some of the problems were already there. No excuse whatsoever! The problems got worst with my absence and lack of time. I know I need my job if anything where to happen. I am glad I have build a career and I am financially independent 100%.

Thank you so much for advice and encouraging words! Perhaps I haven’t met a good couple counselor yet. it is hard to find one, in the middle of finishing my BSN program, going to work, and experiencing marital problems. I’m going to stay in this current position for 6 months before applying to anything within this organization. The problem with being so absent is that people get used to your absence.

Now, I see why nursing is considered a stressful career. All four years of nursing education and evening shift have taken a toll on my marriage. thank you for the tip in communication. We are certainly drifting apart due to lack of time together and me placing so much attention to BSB school and doing “well”. I know it will be awful in my resume if I leave a great job in less than a month of hire, specially after leaving a long-commute (2 hours daily) job that left me tired and drained every night.

Couple Therapy was a painful process and I felt judged by my husband in front of a therapist. It brought more problems to our relationship and left us fighting after therapy instead of leaving feeling good. I decided to take a break from it and focus on my own individual therapy. I used to be so career driven but now I am hating my job and dreading to spend afternoons and nights and weekends away from my family. if I didn’t have a husband or daughter, I wouldn’t care to be a workaholic or work hard. But having a family now and realizing that I can lose them has put into perspective what really matters and what really doesn’t. Thank you for sharing your experience! Having a partner that has turned to drinking 4-5 beers daily as a bad coping mechanism due to my absence sucks!