Not trying to be unsupportive, but as a fellow CNA, if you think she's bad, you should work with a quad my facility has. VERY demanding. VERY bossy. Big black dude, like muscular. Even after 2 years of being paralyzed. He looks like OJ Simpson. It's pretty funny. Anyway, he's VERY mean. He cusses out everybody because nobody thinks like he does. He's all about common sense. As in, how you're supposed to do something when you're providing care to him. He cussed me out for not cutting his hair correctly. And was serious about it too. I'm a CNA, not a hair stylist or a certified barber hair cutter person thing. It's stupid af that my facility charges the residents for hair cuts. It costs like over $5,000 to stay there. They should get it for free.
Usually when a resident is worried about something that doesn't relate to what they want like transfering to bed or being changed, I block any intention of doing it for them. For example, you mentioned she gets anal about how her trash bag is placed. It's not hard to place a trash bag in the trash container. I'll show you an example of how I deal with a resident grossly observant.
Me: Hi, Mrs. Smith. How are you?
Smith: Good, I want to go back to bed.
Me: Ok, let's get you ready from your wheelchair next to your bed.
Smith: Hey, where's my purse?
Me: Over there on the night stand.
Smith: Put it on my side table.
Me: Mrs. Smith, you asked me to put you to bed. It's late. Why don't we worry about putting that on the table once we've got you in bed.
Smith: Fix that trash bag will you?
Me: No, I will not worry about that right now. We need to get you ready for bed. How about we change you since you're incontinent. Once I get that done, then I can be over there to adjust the trash bag since I can see it looks like it wasn't fully put in.
If they want something like being put to bed or changed, but their mind drifts somewhere else, with the exception of a quad, that's when I redirect them to what they originally wanted that's more important. We have other people we have to worry about as well. We'll get everything situated once the most important thing has been done. Changing residents briefs and putting them back to bed or getting them up are the most important. Not fiddling around with trash bags and whatever else nonesense. Nurses have never had a problem with me redirecting.