Unsupportive spouse?

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Anyone starting or in Nursing School and their spouse isn't supportive? My husband is trying to ruin me going to school from ever angle. Anyone else dealt with or dealing with this? He makes it nearly impossible for me to go to class without an argument and we have 3 children so he always uses them as an excuse.

Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

On threads like this I always wish we could have dueling OPs. Husband and wife at the same time. Kind of like "Can this marriage be saved". It would give us all a greater perspective on what's truly going on.

I personally hate the bashing threads. Where a woman or man comes on here and trashes their SO. It offends my sense of fair play.

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On threads like this I always wish we could have dueling OPs. Husband and wife at the same time. Kind of like "Can this marriage be saved". It would give us all a greater perspective on what's truly going on.

I personally hate the bashing threads. Where a woman or man comes on here and trashes their SO. It offends my sense of fair play.

I get that, but some people have nowhere else to go. If you bash hubby in front of friends and family, then go back for more, you have to hear it. I mean, she probably doesn't really care what we think, just wants to feel less alone and get it out.

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
On threads like this I always wish we could have dueling OPs. Husband and wife at the same time. Kind of like "Can this marriage be saved". It would give us all a greater perspective on what's truly going on.

I personally hate the bashing threads. Where a woman or man comes on here and trashes their SO. It offends my sense of fair play.

I agree, As my daddy used to say "Every pancake has two sides!" We are only hearing her side of the story which may be scewed in her favor. In in one sentence she says

We talked about me going to school and we agreed I would be a SAHM. The two are not compatible with eachother. He may not be trying in therapy but she might not be either.

With three children and the econmy what it is finances are probably very tight. Is she doing every thing she can to be thrifty and responsible with money? Is he? We don't know.

It's one thing to discuss something as in "I really want to go back to school." and discuss how that want will affect their lives and expectations of each other. This means roles have to change and people need to be in agreement about it. I work midshift and am in a BSN program - my husband agreed We should do this and discussed what we would have to change in our day to day lives and expectations of eachother. On the days I don't work I cook and clean and keep house plus study when our son is in school and the house is quiet. On the days I do work I try to have something in the crock-pot so akk he has to do is dish it up and tidy up after.

It is possible that he is just a jerk but we don't know because it's also possible that she is just as selfish for wanting to do this at a time when her children are young. If I had it to do over again I would have stayed at home until our son was five and in school. I missed every one of his developmental milestones (1st steps, 1st words, 1st potty like a big boy) but I was bound and determined to go to school and start working. My husband is very tight with money too. I used to think he was selfish and greedy but now appreciate this quality. We have two years of house payments and enough money in the bank to cover our basic expenses for two years.

Again we only know her side of what's going on. So we to take with a grain of salt.

Hppy

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I would say get through nursing school with or without him. I would say you HAVE to finish so that if necessary you an take cares of business. If you end up staying together good if not you know you can support yourself and your kids with out someone trying to control you through finances

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I would say get through nursing school with or without him. I would say you HAVE to finish so that if necessary you an take cares of business. If you end up staying together good if not you know you can support yourself and your kids with out someone trying to control you through finances

I agree 100%, my wife's mother "forced" her and her three sisters to finish their education before she would support them getting married. They all have advanced degrees and 3 of the 4 are stay at home moms and feel very secure in that they don't need to rely on their husbands for financial support. I think it actually makes the relationship stronger and more honest. If you're just sticking around because he's financially supporting you it's not much of a relationship. Do your best to finish school and reevaluate your relationship.

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I humbly disagree about him having a point. This is not the 1920's when it is assumed that a woman who is a stay at home mom is always going to be a hausfrau. I just graduated the ADN program, and I have two boys 2 and 6. My husband and family supported me. Try and find an alternate babysitter if your husband is not interesting in taking accountability for his children when mom is busy. My husband is getting all weird now too now that I am about to making more money than him after being a dependent housewife for 6 years. Don't let any man ever stand in your way girl.

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I had a coworker and her husband did everything including removing the spark plugs from her car and stealing her books to kill her nursing education. After she graduated and before she even took her boards he got arrested and subsequently sent to prison for a loong time. I wonder what would have become of her and her 3 year old if she had just given in to him? I should mention that I have a very traditional marriage in the "it aggravates many modern women" kind of way but I also demanded certain qualities in my suitors so this situation would never befall me. there are no easy answers but men don't change after you marry them. They allow their worse qualities show more but they were always there. The adults do the shopping and the kids do the paying.

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Specializes in hospice.
Try and find an alternate babysitter if your husband is not interesting in taking accountability for his children when mom is busy.

If I had to do that I'd be wondering what I even keep him around for. If a man won't take responsibility for his own children when needed, he's not a partner. Frankly he's another child and I don't need that. Fathers caring for their own children is not babysitting, it's parenting. I won't lie and say my husband didn't struggle sometimes dealing with the kids, especially when they were little. But he never refused to do it when necessary. If he had actually refused and stuck to that....well, I'd find that level of immaturity hard to be sexually attracted to, and we all know how good that is for a marriage. Why would you NOT want to care for your own child? Why would you NOT want to teach them they can trust you, and you're always there?

Thankfully as my first gets ready to graduate high school, I can see that my husband's deep involvement in his family has paid off. Our kids definitely butt heads with him more than me, but they know his head is always close by when they're looking. ;)

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I had a coworker and her husband did everything including removing the spark plugs from her car and stealing her books to kill her nursing education. After she graduated and before she even took her boards he got arrested and subsequently sent to prison for a loong time. I wonder what would have become of her and her 3 year old if she had just given in to him? I should mention that I have a very traditional marriage in the "it aggravates many modern women" kind of way but I also demanded certain qualities in my suitors so this situation would never befall me. there are no easy answers but men don't change after you marry them. They allow their worse qualities show more but they were always there. The adults do the shopping and the kids do the paying.

People do change after you marry them, and for some it's for the better and for others for the worse. In order to be in a relationship with someone you must change and that involves compromise and sometimes putting your needs second to their needs. I can't speak on the specifics of the OP's situation, but it's difficult to imagine a scenario when one spouse/partner would not support another's desire to make things better for the family.

Good Luck and hope things work out for you.

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Specializes in 15 years in ICU, 22 years in PACU.
Whatever the case is, if I decide to leave, I won't be leaving until I can take care of my children financially without him. Which means I will be finishing nursing school, I've been in school before and without his support so I'll be fine.

You have already decided nursing school is your ticket out of this marriage. You're going to use him as long as it takes to get what you want. "...take care of my children without him". If you haven't been cheating, then they're his children too. Your "traditional" marriage arrangement is the man is the breadwinner and the woman takes care of the kids and household. He's been doing his part by "working days" and you've been having babies that you don't want to stay home and take care of. Men frequently show their love and support for their families in different ways than women. Based on what you've said there doesn't seem to be two adults trying their best to take care of the innocent little ones they have brought into this world

You've described him as "selfish" and he might very well be a jerk too, but you've played a part in setting these children up for a poverty-level life. Can you stop having children long enough to get through nursing school? You can't possibly do it on your own. You will need support from someone. Your family, friends or the ever-willing government.

Like a PP said ".....the point of going to school is not to be financially independent, but to have 2 incomes, and make a better life for the whole family. " I don't see that as your goal, oh long gone OP.

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Well I value my marriage and my vows for one so there's that, but you don't leave somebody just because they don't support you in something.

Oh, really? Nursing school isn't just "something." As you said, nursing is your key to financial independence and your husband does not want want that for you, so yes, that is a very good reason to leave.

My husband is fairly supportive of my educational and career goals; if he were not, we wouldn't be married.

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It is sorta crazy how this thread turned into a thread on abuse. Listen what one women can handle another maybe can't. To each is own. It isn't as simple as just leaving..there are kids involved. She is trying to do this after having all of the kids. Was this discussed when they got married and after the kids? Maybe he would have been more supportive if you wouldn't have had the kids first. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. There are nurses that hate their jobs...their kids are running amok while they are working their 12 hr shifts and they are just plain miserable. I hope you have a great system in place if you decide to leave this man. Think it through thoroughly because if there is no real abuse and you are doing this for the wrong reasons, you and your kids will suffer down the road. Money doesn't fix everything. A stable home for the kids is priceless and if you have enough money to live comfortably then learn to be happy. Just so you know a job can be like a marriage and a marriage like a job. If you want out of this without giving it your all..who is to say you won't feel the same way when you start working as a nurse and the stress starts getting to you? Seems like everything was ok before because you kept having his kids. Why wasn't he a problem after the first or second one? Now all of a sudden things are an issue..hmm. Now you want him to change so you can go to nursing school but you didn't ask him to change after the first child, lol. Wow!

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