It seems like the word is verboten 'round these parts.
Yeah, getting your feathers ruffled isn't bullying. Sometimes, when things are described on this board, it's just occasional rudeness by someone who has "been in a very bad mood for 70 years" (to quote Ouizer in Steel Magnolias), but not bullying.
Then, there are situations described in which a person is being the continual target of another, and responders use words like "toxic" and "nasty" and "unnecessarily harsh," but the responder adds, "But that's not bullying."
What is it then? We all say what it's not, but what is it? No textbook definition needs to be made because we've seen those already. Let's just try to define it using real life or made up examples to illustrate it. I'm getting a little confuzzled about the collective opinion on bullying here at AN.
Its kinda hard to bully me these days. When you are attempting to **** me off, I'm daydreaming about sitting on a beach with a drink. Literally :). anyhow maybe some people are more sensitive than others, I would be very cognitive about that. I don't want anyone feeling uncomfortable because of ME.
A person is being bullied if he or she is being maliciously targeted by another person/group of people, with the intention of hurting the victim's feelings, and/or damaging his or her reputation.
It is my opinion that bullying is an intentional and calculated act. Some people are inconsiderate and rude, but those people also probably think they're trying to do the right thing, and that their actions are being misinterpreted.
1. Very annoying, but usually not bullying. I worked with a very nice nurse who nitpicked your report. Not because she wanted you to feel incompetent, just because that was what she did…to everyone. Nitpicked the unit's best nurse and the ones who were borderline incompetent.
2. I don't really see how this is bullying. It's kinda rude to give someone a hard assignment every time out. However, as a charge nurse, I have also seen people who always complain that they are always (I don't say always or never much, but in this case, always applies!) given the worst assignments, even though I have always done my best to "mix up" the assignments so everyone stays fresh.
3. Or this could just be an experienced nurse telling a new nurse what the new nurse needs to do to bring his/her practice up to standard. On my first week as and RN, my preceptor pointed out several things that rattled my confidence, but they had to be said…and I am a better nurse because of it. Maybe a specific example would help.
4. This is very poor behavior on the part of the preceptor if he/she is never available, but I would not call it bullying. Plus, maybe the way the preceptor went about it was not the best, but the new nurse needs to learn how to function independently and how to ask other nurses (nurse who aren't the new nurse's preceptor) for help.
And this is why bullying is SUBJECTIVE. What you don't think is bullying is what somebody else thinks it is. All based on perception.
1. Rolls her eyes at everything I say, constantly critiques my work. Makes snarky comments and refers to me as "her" or "it" when speaking to others even if I am in the room.
2. Reports that I am diverting narcotics ( ummm NOT) resulting in testing at my expense, destruction of my professional reputation and eventual job loss.
First example is nasty, mean and rude behavior by a bitter, old and angry woman.
1. Rolls her eyes at everything I say, constantly critiques my work. Makes snarky comments and refers to me as "her" or "it" when speaking to others even if I am in the room.
2. Reports that I am diverting narcotics ( ummm NOT) resulting in testing at my expense, destruction of my professional reputation and eventual job loss.
First example is nasty, mean and rude behavior by a bitter, old and angry woman.
Second example is outright bullying.
Anybody see the difference?
With the caveat that the second is not bullying if she actually thinks you are diverting narcotics.
Well of course! But in this case she was pretty open with her cronies about doing something to "get it fired". And I wasn't doing anything to suggest that I was diverting.
Well of course! But in this case she was pretty open with her cronies about doing something to "get it fired". And I wasn't doing anything to suggest that I was diverting.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Case in point. Same co-worker, different days:
1. Rolls her eyes at everything I say, constantly critiques my work. Makes snarky comments and refers to me as "her" or "it" when speaking to others even if I am in the room.
2. Reports that I am diverting narcotics ( ummm NOT) resulting in testing at my expense, destruction of my professional reputation and eventual job loss.
First example is nasty, mean and rude behavior by a bitter, old and angry woman.
Second example is outright bullying.
Anybody see the difference?
Just wanted to point out that some languages (Tagolog, for example) lack personal pronouns. If the nurse was not a native English speaker, calling you "he" or "it" could have been simple mistakes.
If the nurse had reason to believe you were diverting narcotics, even if you were not actually doing so, that wasn't bullying either.
Well of course! But in this case she was pretty open with her cronies about doing something to "get it fired". And I wasn't doing anything to suggest that I was diverting.
I think both examples you gave were bullying. The second was slander as well. A bully's actions are so that the target knows they are being bullied, it's just difficult to prove it sometimes. General fyi, I don't think respectful debate or not having a favorite flavor of jello on the unit is bullying
Just wanted to point out that some languages (Tagolog, for example) lack personal pronouns. If the nurse was not a native English speaker, calling you "he" or "it" could have been simple mistakes.
If the nurse had reason to believe you were diverting narcotics, even if you were not actually doing so, that wasn't bullying either.
Oh for pity's sake! Don't you think I'd know the difference? This woman was the very definition of WASP!!! As for the narcotic thing. It was the last stunt in a series of things she had done to destroy my reputation both personally and professionally. Everybody saw it but were too afraid to do anything to stop it lest they become a target. It would have been extraordinarily difficult to divert narcotics because we rarely used them and it would have been glaring! And no, I wasn't being persecuted by anybody else nor have I ever been bullied again so it wasn't me and I don't need to do any self-examination. I was trying to make a point that not everything is bullying even if the same person is doing it because I disagree that if someone is feeling bullied then they are actually being bullied. These were pretty painful experiences for me as a young nurse that were difficult for me to understand and deal with. But I moved on. Thanks for pretty much invalidating them.
OnlinePersona, LPN
352 Posts
Its kinda hard to bully me these days. When you are attempting to **** me off, I'm daydreaming about sitting on a beach with a drink. Literally :). anyhow maybe some people are more sensitive than others, I would be very cognitive about that. I don't want anyone feeling uncomfortable because of ME.