It seems like the word is verboten 'round these parts.
Yeah, getting your feathers ruffled isn't bullying. Sometimes, when things are described on this board, it's just occasional rudeness by someone who has "been in a very bad mood for 70 years" (to quote Ouizer in Steel Magnolias), but not bullying.
Then, there are situations described in which a person is being the continual target of another, and responders use words like "toxic" and "nasty" and "unnecessarily harsh," but the responder adds, "But that's not bullying."
What is it then? We all say what it's not, but what is it? No textbook definition needs to be made because we've seen those already. Let's just try to define it using real life or made up examples to illustrate it. I'm getting a little confuzzled about the collective opinion on bullying here at AN.
On AN or any other bulletin board, I believe bullying is defined by a post that serves absolutely no purpose other than to degrade or intimidate another poster. I'm sorry to see that it is happening more and more here. It is not at all uncommon on the Breakroom side, and has driven me from actively participating there, but I accept that political discussions tend to become heated and potentially misunderstood.
It's a shame that's the case with professional discussions.
1) nitpicking report to death, as if to make someone feel incompetent
2) charge nurse repeatedly assigning TB and cdiff rooms, shingles rooms to pregnant nurses every shift
3) statements that undermine confidence
4) a preceptor throwing their preceptee to the wolves by disappearing for the entire shift and only offering help to other nurses
There are plenty of scholarly articles written on it. I think everyone should get their heads out of the sand about it.
1: Nurses that nitpick report tend to nitpick everyone in report. Even their friends. Some people are just a pain in the petoot during report, doesn't make it bullying.
2: Why can't a pregnant person take a c. diff or TB patient? If it's shingles, she apparently doesn't know any better. Why are you bullying me by expecting me to take all the c. diff and TB patients just because my uterus isn't currently occupied?
3: depends on the statements. Why are you so unconfident that anything someone said would undermine your confidence?
4: Perhaps it's time for preceptee to learn to ask for help when needed, to only be watched from afar. Otherwise they come off orientation and go from coddled in the kiddie pool to drowning in the ocean without working up their swimming muscles.
Yeah, I don't participate on Breakroom much either. Anyone right of center or traditionally religious is completely unwelcome there, and will suffer ridicule and attack. I don't need my blood pressure that high, thanks.
I just don't allow others to 'bully' me, and I have always done so. But, it has only been attempted a few times. Most of the whiny stuff I see in here just isn't bullying, and I attribute this to the economy...most of these 'whiners' and 'hurt my feelings' posts belong to people who shouldn't even be in nursing, and probably wouldn't be, if the economy wasn't so poor and the 'nursing shortage' hype so pervasive.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Well, i don't think anyone else is to judge. If the person feels they are being bullied, then they are being bullied.
We treat our patients with more respect, validation, and take their word as truth.
Why can't we do the same for each other?
I think bullying in the work place in nursing is rampant. Mostly in the form of passive aggression and gossiping. If someone feels bullied by such actions than they are bullied. If another person has a thicker skin and or more support systems in place, than they may not feel bullied by the same actions.
I'm going to disagree with you about both your points. The fact that someone feels bullied does not necessarily mean they've been bullied -- perhaps they have been but perhaps they're just too sensitive.
As far as taking my patient's word as truth . . . I've been in the business for too long to believe everything the patient is telling me. (Your AIC is 14, you haven't filled your prescriptions in a year and you're eating cupcakes and a milk shake for dinner, I'll darned well disbelieve you're following your treatment plan for diabetes. And if you come back into the hospital four weeks after your LVAD implantation in septic shock and wearing the same dressing I initialled on your day of discharge, I'm not going to believe you've been taking care of your driveline site.)
Gossiping isn't bullying. I think lub dub's definition is a good one.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Folks. The bottom line is, all the posts from young whiners crying "bullying" and "NETY" are driving away the longtime, valuable and wise old guard who have been mentors here for a long time. Here's what has been happening over and over, EVERYWHERE on this board:
1. Noob cries about how difficult their first real job is/other nurses being "mean"/how hard school is/some BON issue/NCLEX etc.
2. Amazingly wise and experienced nurses respond with truth (gasp!), helpful ideas, encouragement
3. Noob flips out because they're not being coddled, told how wonderful they are, told they must be accountable and mature, to toughen up or that they have much to learn. Noob cries "negativity," "judgment," and "COBs are out to get us"
4. Other noobs light their tiny torches and dogpile the wise ones, reporting abuse, flagging their posts, generally escalating the chorus of whining into a minor roar
5. Wise ones not only get "points" assigned and privileges taken away, but also grow weary and disgusted with the general atmosphere the whiny noobs create
And now, many are backing away from AN altogether because of this process repeating itself too many times. Unfortunately, the crying noobs who instigate this are the ones paying to keep AN alive and the site owner's pockets lined with cash.
It closely resembles the very problem that is the downfall of American healthcare....putting profits before professional integrity. The moderating policies on AN place more value on retaining and placating the whiny noobs who can't take a single shred of truth over maintaining a good balance of experienced expertise with new innovation. What is happening here is EXACTLY what is happening on the very units so many of you noobs are crying about.
As much as we joke about crusty old bats, they are and always will be valuable sources of knowledge and models of professionalism and humor. I am only 40 and have 7 years' experience, hardly an old bat but definitely no noob, and I am appalled at how delicate and thin-skinned newbies are, here and in the real world. And I am disappointed in how AN's systems are so quick to reward the whining as long as the whiners are paying for membership.
COBs, I am sorry your wisdom and extremely valuable experience is being moderated into oblivion. I am also sorry AN is slowly being swallowed up by greed-driven ethics. With such a large membership it has great potential for being a credible resource, but the leadership and policies are negating that potential every time they allow the the whiners to win. Sounds EXACTLY like the profit driven healthcare system we are ALL struggling to survive in.
I sincerely wish I could "LIKE" this a few thousand times.
You are either very lucky, little work experience or so dominant that you maybe the bully....or you just haven't met a pro yet.
I just don't allow others to 'bully' me, and I have always done so. But, it has only been attempted a few times. Most of the whiny stuff I see in here just isn't bullying, and I attribute this to the economy...most of these 'whiners' and 'hurt my feelings' posts belong to people who shouldn't even be in nursing, and probably wouldn't be, if the economy wasn't so poor and the 'nursing shortage' hype so pervasive.
It's having malicious intent and acting on that in an obvious or subtle way. Some bullies are overtly agressive, and many are not. I would say that most are passive-agressive cowards who attempt to over compensate their own deficiencies by picking on others who are in a more vulnerable position, or have a gentler presence. It could be eye rolling, snickering, and/or getting others to 'not like' the target. People know when others have poor intentions for them. I hate bullies. They are low-levels who use up too much of everyone's time with nonsense. Like, go to counseling or something instead of wasting everyone's time. I work with a few would -be bullies and I just smile, nod, and blow them off. They're jealous.
We need some reasonable standards that distiguish between the true "bullying" -- in which someone is purposely trying to hurt or intimidate someone unfairly -- and someone who just doesn't like what is happening. Everything unpleasant in life is not "bullying" and it is not fair to accuse innocent people of bullying just because you are unhappy with something. In such cases, the accusations of bullying can themselves become a means of bullying.
I definitely agree it would be difficult to say that only the "victim" can define is a given action is bullying. To me, it seems pretty obvious based on the number of threads on here where people say "I was bullied," the victim cannot always correctly declare some action "bullying."
I tend to agree with a poster before who went with "I know it when I see it." You can make a vague definition, but even that leaves wiggle room. For example, I can feel intimidated, say, by a tough new attendance policy, but that, in my mind, is not bullying. At the same time, it is impossible to describe every situation which may be bullying.
1) nitpicking report to death, as if to make someone feel incompetent
2) charge nurse repeatedly assigning TB and cdiff rooms, shingles rooms to pregnant nurses every shift
3) statements that undermine confidence
4) a preceptor throwing their preceptee to the wolves by disappearing for the entire shift and only offering help to other nurses
There are plenty of scholarly articles written on it. I think everyone should get their heads out of the sand about it.
1. Very annoying, but usually not bullying. I worked with a very nice nurse who nitpicked your report. Not because she wanted you to feel incompetent, just because that was what she did...to everyone. Nitpicked the unit's best nurse and the ones who were borderline incompetent.
2. I don't really see how this is bullying. It's kinda rude to give someone a hard assignment every time out. However, as a charge nurse, I have also seen people who always complain that they are always (I don't say always or never much, but in this case, always applies!) given the worst assignments, even though I have always done my best to "mix up" the assignments so everyone stays fresh.
3. Or this could just be an experienced nurse telling a new nurse what the new nurse needs to do to bring his/her practice up to standard. On my first week as and RN, my preceptor pointed out several things that rattled my confidence, but they had to be said...and I am a better nurse because of it. Maybe a specific example would help.
4. This is very poor behavior on the part of the preceptor if he/she is never available, but I would not call it bullying. Plus, maybe the way the preceptor went about it was not the best, but the new nurse needs to learn how to function independently and how to ask other nurses (nurse who aren't the new nurse's preceptor) for help.
Jolie, BSN
6,375 Posts
On AN or any other bulletin board, I believe bullying is defined by a post that serves absolutely no purpose other than to degrade or intimidate another poster. I'm sorry to see that it is happening more and more here. It is not at all uncommon on the Breakroom side, and has driven me from actively participating there, but I accept that political discussions tend to become heated and potentially misunderstood.
It's a shame that's the case with professional discussions.