What is bullying then?

[dudette10]

It seems like the word is verboten 'round these parts.

Yeah, getting your feathers ruffled isn't bullying. Sometimes, when things are described on this board, it's just occasional rudeness by someone who has "been in a very bad mood for 70 years" (to quote Ouizer in Steel Magnolias), but not bullying.

Then, there are situations described in which a person is being the continual target of another, and responders use words like "toxic" and "nasty" and "unnecessarily harsh," but the responder adds, "But that's not bullying."

What is it then? We all say what it's not, but what is it? No textbook definition needs to be made because we've seen those already. Let's just try to define it using real life or made up examples to illustrate it. I'm getting a little confuzzled about the collective opinion on bullying here at AN.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

ah, yes, the invalidation. because if we can blame the victim, we wont become one. yup, uh ha, heard that one. had it done to me as well.

Oh for pity's sake! Don't you think I'd know the difference? This woman was the very definition of WASP!!! As for the narcotic thing. It was the last stunt in a series of things she had done to destroy my reputation both personally and professionally. Everybody saw it but were too afraid to do anything to stop it lest they become a target. It would have been extraordinarily difficult to divert narcotics because we rarely used them and it would have been glaring! And no, I wasn't being persecuted by anybody else nor have I ever been bullied again so it wasn't me and I don't need to do any self-examination. I was trying to make a point that not everything is bullying even if the same person is doing it because I disagree that if someone is feeling bullied then they are actually being bullied. These were pretty painful experiences for me as a young nurse that were difficult for me to understand and deal with. But I moved on. Thanks for pretty much invalidating them.

[ponymom]

You are either very lucky, little work experience or so dominant that you maybe the bully....or you just haven't met a pro yet.

Nope, sorry LOL. Non of the above apply here, move along now... LOL. I was lucky that I got out of LTC, I'll give you that. I have 'a few' years of work experience, so strike one there; I'm probably the last person you think would be dominant (I just don't allow anyone to think they can treat me that way, one can certainly do that without coming across as a 'bully', it's really not that hard), and I have certainly met my share of 'pros' (?). Usually a frank and to-the-point conversation with the offending person (sometimes involving management, but usually not necessary) will set things straight. One teaches others how to treat one-self, I firmly believe that and it has always held true for me.

[ixchel]

This woman was the very definition of WASP!!! .

Did WASP develop a new meaning, or did you just judge her for being a white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant, using it as justification for your case? This is highly inappropriate.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Oh for pity's sake! Don't you think I'd know the difference? This woman was the very definition of WASP!!! As for the narcotic thing. It was the last stunt in a series of things she had done to destroy my reputation both personally and professionally. Everybody saw it but were too afraid to do anything to stop it lest they become a target. It would have been extraordinarily difficult to divert narcotics because we rarely used them and it would have been glaring! And no, I wasn't being persecuted by anybody else nor have I ever been bullied again so it wasn't me and I don't need to do any self-examination. I was trying to make a point that not everything is bullying even if the same person is doing it because I disagree that if someone is feeling bullied then they are actually being bullied. These were pretty painful experiences for me as a young nurse that were difficult for me to understand and deal with. But I moved on. Thanks for pretty much invalidating them.

First, I didn't "invalidate your experience" because I thought these were examples that you just pulled out of the air rather than something that actually happened to you. If they were hypothetical, them perhaps they would have been open to more interpretation. Nor did I understand that they were the same nurse.

Second, your second sentence was somewhat racist. Or were you implying that she had the personality of a flying, stinging insect rather than that shw was white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant?

[FlyingScot, RN]

First, I didn't "invalidate your experience" because I thought these were examples that you just pulled out of the air rather than something that actually happened to you. If they were hypothetical, them perhaps they would have been open to more interpretation. Nor did I understand that they were the same nurse.

Second, your second sentence was somewhat racist. Or were you implying that she had the personality of a flying, stinging insect rather than that shw was white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant?

Racist!!! Oh please! I'm also the epitome of white, Anglo-Saxon and Protestant. I didn't have time to type it all out and really didn't think anyone would have a problem with it. My bad. And,frankly, she DID have the personality of a wasp, aggressive and wielding a big stinger. Also for the record she was white, Anglo-Saxon and happened to be Protestant ( hmmmm just like me).

Perhaps asking for clarification would be a good thing before responding like you did. I thought I was pretty clear. Why would I make something like this up?

At any rate Ruby, I normally enjoy your posts and usually am right along with you. Not sure why I've raised your ire this time as my viewpoint seems to be in line with yours (not everything is bullying).

But since my original point has been lost in the idea that I'm apparently a racist (snort) I'll just sign off from this thread. Carry on.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

this was in response to being questioned if the that person was perhaps not a primarily English speaker.

Did WASP develop a new meaning, or did you just judge her for being a white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant, using it as justification for your case? This is highly inappropriate.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

oh, so you "ran" to management? lol. that may work, IF management isn't involved....

Nope, sorry LOL. Non of the above apply here, move along now... LOL. I was lucky that I got out of LTC, I'll give you that. I have 'a few' years of work experience, so strike one there; I'm probably the last person you think would be dominant (I just don't allow anyone to think they can treat me that way, one can certainly do that without coming across as a 'bully', it's really not that hard), and I have certainly met my share of 'pros' (?). Usually a frank and to-the-point conversation with the offending person (sometimes involving management, but usually not necessary) will set things straight. One teaches others how to treat one-self, I firmly believe that and it has always held true for me.

[ixchel]

this was in response to being questioned if the that person was perhaps not a primarily English speaker.

Thank you for making a little bit of sense of that. It's hard to make sense of tangents. It's still not a nice term. If she got anything from any of this, hopefully she got that.

[klone, MSN, RN]

Did WASP develop a new meaning, or did you just judge her for being a white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant, using it as justification for your case? This is highly inappropriate.

Oh, for Pete's sake. She was simply pointing out that she was most definitely not Filipino.

[amzyRN]

I sense the tensions rising in the thread and just wanted to point out that when people have had to endure a hostile work environment it can be very traumatizing for a person. Especially if someone or a group has attempted to damage their professional reputation.

FlyingScott, in your original post, your mention of the nurse being "old" in to me seemed to imply that being "old" was why she was angry (this is how I interpreted it, not saying you meant it that way). I took no offense to the use of WASP. I can also see why you felt your experiences were invalidated, because you were questioned about your interpretation of events. However, Ruby may have just wanted clarification and/or, may have been insulted by the "old" comment (not sure though). Nothing wrong with being "old", because I'm getting older everyday and I'm not young myself.

Or, I think some of the more seasoned nurses on here have come across a lot of people who complain about work place hostility but may not be taking the necessary steps to stop it and/or a venting frustrations on this forum's members. I do notice you are a seasoned nurse yourself, so she may have just been needing clarification.

I really think so much of the problem are communication breakdowns and if we communicated better, even in the midst of a hostile situation, things could get better. I think the purpose should be to stop hostility and "bullying" in our profession. I don't think it is ever beneficial to be harsh with people who's feelings were hurt by someone, just my opinion. I think it's also futile at times to debate someone with their minds already made up and the best we can do is just agree to disagree and respect each other.

I think when someone is having a hard time and feels bullied, the first thing to do is talk about it with the person directly. I think that opens many doors.

Please take no offense in my interpretations either, I really don't want to stir up anything. I just want to get a better understanding of conflicts and how to resolve them.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

I am nearly a WASP myself, didn't know it was nec. a perforative....... it is short hand.

[klone, MSN, RN]

DYAC! I snorted.

I'm a WASP too. No big deal. One of my good friends self-identified as a "New York Jew" and has also called herself a JAP.

Political correctness amok!