Some of you may recall me mentioning that I was pregnant and scheduled for C-section on June 23rd. Well, I visited the hospital for an NST on the 18th because I hadn't felt the baby move that morning, and I wanted reassurance. The nurses couldn't find his heartbeat, so an U/S was done. No heartbeat noted, and just like that the baby that we loved and wanted so much was gone. I was completely shocked.
He was delivered by C-section later that night. He was beautiful... 9 lbs., 20" long and looked perfect. The cord was not wrapped around his neck. He had died about 2 days before. I just can't understand how a full term baby can suddenly die. I know some of you nurses have seen this before... please help me understand how this could have happened. I am scared to death to try again... I've also had 1 miscarriage. But, we want more children so badly.
We declined an autopsy... I couldn't stand the thought of my precious baby being cut up. Please help me understand what might have caused this. I am an emotional wreck right now. My pregnancy progressed perfectly with no problems. I think I might have sleep apnea... I recall waking up several times one night last week panting as though I hadn't breathed in awhile. Do you think that's when the demise could have occurred?
I'm sure many of you have been through this. How did you manage? Right now I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I am on Xanax and Vicodin, but whenever they wear off I just want to cry. The nurses at the hospital were great, I don't know how I would have managed without them. However, when I was ready to see him I rang my call light and requested to see my baby and whoever answered said "okay, we'll bring IT down." That just broke my heart. She should at least have known he was a boy.
Thank you in advance for any help, wisdom, or encouragement you can give.
I do not have any words of wisdom and I cannot begin to understand the depth of your pain. All I can do is tell you that I am very sorry and send a big hug to you. I do believe in getting help from a support group, church, friends, and talk and cry as often as you need to. Please take care of yourself.
I am so very very sorry for the loss of your precious son. Sometimes you do not know why God does these things. I am a very new nurse and last week was my first week on L & D. We had a full term demise and I could hardly get through my shift. It seems so very unfair when you have a couple that want a baby so bad and something like this happens. Then you turn the corner and the single mom that can't support her kids just delivered her 7th baby. How unfair life is sometimes. In another post someone mentions the MISS foundations. Please visit their website when you are ready. It is a good one and very supportive. Please know that you and your husband are in my thoughts. My brother has lost two full term babies. He has gone on to have a beautiful son and is expecting another in December. It takes time, tons of time. please do not rush it and let the feelings come. Cry in the grocery store if you have to. It will help you heal, but not forget. Don't worry that you will forget, you won't. I don't know if you believe in this, but your son is with you, watching over you. I truely believe in this after my mom died last year. I know she is here when I need her.
Talk withyour Dr also. Maybe there is a high risk Dr in your area that you can go to when you and hour husband are ready to try again. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayer. Know that there are tons of people thinking about you. I hope that some day God will give you peace. Please visit the MISS foundation. They are a wonderful support group.
I am also incredibly sorry for you and your family. You are going through some very sad times. Nothing compares to losing a baby, it's just so not fair. Unbelievable as it seems like right now, you will live through this, although there may be times when you might wish otherwise. That's why it's so important that you get professional help!!!
The hospital has a social worker. Talk to her. If there is one attached to the Maternal-Child area, she may have already contacted you. She can guide you to a therapist and/or support groups. Make contact w/the support groups right away. I believe if you google "Empty Cradle", or look for that name in the Phone Book--I just did, and it's listed. The people there have lost children themselves, and know what you're going through! They can help. And want to. :icon_hug: :icon_hug: Come here for virtual hugs anytime!!
Specializes in Medical/Surgical/Maternal and Child.
(((((((((((((((NURSEWANNABE))))))))))))))))). I am so sorry for your loss. Take as much time as you need to go through the grieving process and if you need to cry do it. It will help with the healing process. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
((((((((((I'm so sorry for you and your husband nurse_wannabe)))))))))) I know your pain is awfully excrutiating and that you have lots of questions as to why this awful tragedy happened to you and your husband's baby. My heart is sad for you both. I'm here for you if you need to or want to talk...now or later.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I wish I could help you understand this loss, but my DH and I lost a newborn daughter 21 years ago and I still don't understand why it happened---why us? Why our baby? All I know is that eventually you learn to live with it and go on........just please, don't expect yourself to "get over" it. You will get through it, and you'll get past it in time; but the loss of a baby is something you never get over. There will always be an empty chair at your table, no matter how many children you may have later, and you'll always mark the anniversary of your son's birth and wonder about what might have been had he lived.
And now, a few words of wisdom: Be gentle with yourself, especially in the early weeks and months. Allow yourself all the time you need to process what has happened, for if you put it away too soon, it WILL come back and bite you later on down the line; this is often when marriages go sour or severe depression develops. And whatever you do, DON'T listen to people who say things like "It was God's will" or "It's not as bad as losing a child---you never actually got to KNOW the baby" or "You can always have another one". Your precious son was part of your future plans, and he had a personality while he was alive inside you; what's more, you wanted THIS baby, not some other.
I feel for you, dear soul; while there's nothing anyone can say that will turn back the clock, please know that you are in many people's thoughts and prayers today.
I am so sorry to hear about your beautiful boy. It is so sad. I don't think you can ever have an ansewer, but you will go on. One day your hearts won't hurt as much. You'll never forget. Forgetting would hurt more than remembering does. You are in my prayers.
If they have a support group, when you're ready, try it. This type of group isn't for everyone,but many people do find great comfort there. Your husband may not grieve the same as you. It doesn't mean he hurts any less. As SBE said this can play havoc on your marriage and family life. When your ready, have a complete workup to see if there are any health issues that need to be addressed when and if you are ready to consider another baby. Again, I am so very very sorrry. I understand your feelings about autopsy. My daughter was near death as a newborn and I know I thought of her being cut into and it made me ill too. Don't let anyone tell you should've done something different. You are making decisions and doing the best you can at this time. Take care. Much love and hugs to you.
I was completely shocked.
KRVRN, BSN, RN
1,334 Posts
My gosh, I am so sorry nurse_wannabe.