Some of you may recall me mentioning that I was pregnant and scheduled for C-section on June 23rd. Well, I visited the hospital for an NST on the 18th because I hadn't felt the baby move that morning, and I wanted reassurance. The nurses couldn't find his heartbeat, so an U/S was done. No heartbeat noted, and just like that the baby that we loved and wanted so much was gone. I was completely shocked.
He was delivered by C-section later that night. He was beautiful... 9 lbs., 20" long and looked perfect. The cord was not wrapped around his neck. He had died about 2 days before. I just can't understand how a full term baby can suddenly die. I know some of you nurses have seen this before... please help me understand how this could have happened. I am scared to death to try again... I've also had 1 miscarriage. But, we want more children so badly.
We declined an autopsy... I couldn't stand the thought of my precious baby being cut up. Please help me understand what might have caused this. I am an emotional wreck right now. My pregnancy progressed perfectly with no problems. I think I might have sleep apnea... I recall waking up several times one night last week panting as though I hadn't breathed in awhile. Do you think that's when the demise could have occurred?
I'm sure many of you have been through this. How did you manage? Right now I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I am on Xanax and Vicodin, but whenever they wear off I just want to cry. The nurses at the hospital were great, I don't know how I would have managed without them. However, when I was ready to see him I rang my call light and requested to see my baby and whoever answered said "okay, we'll bring IT down." That just broke my heart. She should at least have known he was a boy.
Thank you in advance for any help, wisdom, or encouragement you can give.
I just wanted to mention that husbands (fathers) suffer just as much as mothers in this tragic event. Many times they believe they must be strong, support and care for their wives, while placing their own feelings on hold.
I've seen couples "take turns": Dad will be strong for Mom, then Mom is strong for Dad. That's a good way of doing it. If you're both feeling bad, use extended family for support and help for BOTH of you.
It's just important to take care of both parents, give them both time to grieve. You both will carry a piece of your son in your hearts.
I am so sorry to hear of the death of your sweet baby boy. I pray that you will receive comfort and strength through the love of your family and friends.
My darling girl, I'm so very sorry that this happened to you. I'm not a mother, but have experienced loss as well. I know that words do nothing to ease your pain at the moment, but my thoughts and prayers are with you. Remember your beautiful son- he was a gift from God. I wish you and your spouse peace and remember that he's always with you.
This June 10th was the four year birthday of our twin sons that were premature and died in our arms the day they were born. I, like you, found a similar message board of encouraging people shortly after the loss and it helped me keep my head above water in those difficult times.
My heart still aches when I think of them, but I talk about them without tears (usually) and I carry on with life in contentment (two things I hadn't imagined would ever be possible again in the months after their birth). Cherish the memory of your son, his name, his face, everything about him. He was, I have no doubt, beautiful and throughly precious. Cry for him, and please, like others said, let your husband love you and let yourself love your husband during this time.
One thing I thing I gained through my loss was a powerful sense of what is important in life and what is not. I was 18 years old when they were born, but I learned a decades' worth of truth in those months. This does not help the hurt, but it is a real impact and I like to think that my sons' would be proud of the way I try to live my life.
Nurse wannabe, my prayers go out for you and your family. We know that there may not be any answer to the question "Why?!". Sometimes this happens and even with all our tests, we can only give an educated guess. As for helping you get through this, please take the advice already given and seek out support groups- there are so many families out there that have had similar experiences. Let them help you. Talk. Cry. Let your family hold you and care for you. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Give your beautiful little boy the name that you had picked for him- he is his own person. Don't be afraid to cry with your partner- they lost a baby, too.
I wish you peace.
Please follow up on the sleep apnea concern as well.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry that I can't find any better words of sympathy than those, I wish I could.
You, your husband, and your son will be in my prayers. I know that you must be absolutely devastated, and I understand your fear about trying again. It's only natural, but I hope that eventually you will be able to find your way past these feelings and try for a second child.
I know exactly what you are going through. Our daughter, Emma, was stillborn on July 31st, last year. I was 37 weeks into what I thought was a perfect pregnancy. She just stopped moving. When I presented to the OB unit at 1am, she still had a strong heartrate at 140......but no movement. She died 10 hours later. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen....perfect.
...I just want you to know that it does get better. The first few weeks, I couldn't even go the the grocery store because seeing a baby made me too emotional. I still cry for her. But my husband and I can talk about her without crying every time now. I can look at her picture now and smile. The sadness has changed from overbearing to a sweet sadness if that makes sense.
I am pregnant again....and because of my high risk status and prev. emergency c/s....I am to have a c/s at 36 weeks.....last week in July....when Emma was born asleep.
Having and losing Emma strengthened my faith and my family. She was a precious gift.
I am glad to hear it has made you and your husband closer..losing a baby can either tear you apart or stregthen your bond.
I pray for you and your family............
~Leah
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking experience, Leah. It really does give me hope for the future. I've found myself thinking about you ever since you posted. I just want to let you know that I am keeping you, your husband, and your new baby in my heart and wishing you all the best for a safe and happy delivery. :icon_hug:
I was also asking why? when I read the first post. There has to be a reason, and it's just not fair for a perfect child to die when his parents loved him so much. But no reason would be good enough, I think. There's nothing that would make this OK for you so maybe the mystery is right... I'm sure not knowing echoes with the emptiness you feel in your family right now.
I was completely shocked.
landonsles
165 Posts
Nurse Wannabe--
I am so sorry to hear about your loss--my heart aches for you and your family.
Prayers and hugs,
Leslie