Our baby was stillborn... Please help me understand

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

Some of you may recall me mentioning that I was pregnant and scheduled for C-section on June 23rd. Well, I visited the hospital for an NST on the 18th because I hadn't felt the baby move that morning, and I wanted reassurance. The nurses couldn't find his heartbeat, so an U/S was done. No heartbeat noted, and just like that the baby that we loved and wanted so much was gone. :crying2: I was completely shocked.

He was delivered by C-section later that night. He was beautiful... 9 lbs., 20" long and looked perfect. The cord was not wrapped around his neck. He had died about 2 days before. I just can't understand how a full term baby can suddenly die. I know some of you nurses have seen this before... please help me understand how this could have happened. I am scared to death to try again... I've also had 1 miscarriage. But, we want more children so badly.

We declined an autopsy... I couldn't stand the thought of my precious baby being cut up. Please help me understand what might have caused this. I am an emotional wreck right now. My pregnancy progressed perfectly with no problems. I think I might have sleep apnea... I recall waking up several times one night last week panting as though I hadn't breathed in awhile. Do you think that's when the demise could have occurred?

I'm sure many of you have been through this. How did you manage? Right now I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I am on Xanax and Vicodin, but whenever they wear off I just want to cry. The nurses at the hospital were great, I don't know how I would have managed without them. However, when I was ready to see him I rang my call light and requested to see my baby and whoever answered said "okay, we'll bring IT down." That just broke my heart. She should at least have known he was a boy.

Thank you in advance for any help, wisdom, or encouragement you can give.

:icon_hug: How are you, Nurse Wannabe? I really don't have anything to say that would help, so I'll just say I'm really sorry and I know that Christmas must have been hard. We're listening, so if it helps, keep talking. :icon_hug:

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Cooper Riley, what a beautiful name for a perfect soul. I too lost a baby and I take comfort in the thought that she was just tooo perfect for this earth, God had bigger plans for her. I can only hope you will share in this thought and comfort with me.

My thoughts are with you!

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I am too thinking about you and your family.. Cooper Riley is a beautiful name I wish you peace and happiness for the new year

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Some of you may recall me mentioning that I was pregnant and scheduled for C-section on June 23rd. Well, I visited the hospital for an NST on the 18th because I hadn't felt the baby move that morning, and I wanted reassurance. The nurses couldn't find his heartbeat, so an U/S was done. No heartbeat noted, and just like that the baby that we loved and wanted so much was gone. :crying2: I was completely shocked.

He was delivered by C-section later that night. He was beautiful... 9 lbs., 20" long and looked perfect. The cord was not wrapped around his neck. He had died about 2 days before. I just can't understand how a full term baby can suddenly die. I know some of you nurses have seen this before... please help me understand how this could have happened. I am scared to death to try again... I've also had 1 miscarriage. But, we want more children so badly.

We declined an autopsy... I couldn't stand the thought of my precious baby being cut up. Please help me understand what might have caused this. I am an emotional wreck right now. My pregnancy progressed perfectly with no problems. I think I might have sleep apnea... I recall waking up several times one night last week panting as though I hadn't breathed in awhile. Do you think that's when the demise could have occurred?

I'm sure many of you have been through this. How did you manage? Right now I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I am on Xanax and Vicodin, but whenever they wear off I just want to cry. The nurses at the hospital were great, I don't know how I would have managed without them. However, when I was ready to see him I rang my call light and requested to see my baby and whoever answered said "okay, we'll bring IT down." That just broke my heart. She should at least have known he was a boy.

Thank you in advance for any help, wisdom, or encouragement you can give.

So sorry for your loss, I had a sister born three years before stillborn. I will never forget as a little girl seeing a picture of her is her casket. I know she is in heaven with God, as your baby is. Many people on this earth die everyday and have been dying for hundreds of years, but they are not gone. No body dies and the soul disappears into oblivion. I feel my sisters presence all around me, I know I would've loved her so. Your baby is not gone in your heart, and you will see your baby boy again one day, and he will know his mama. I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a comforting hug. May love surround in all you do, and may all of your paths be blessed, I will pray for you and your husband, and of course your beautiful angelic baby boy. God bless you!!

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Specializes in PCU/Hospice/Oncology.

Oh god I am so sorry for your loss. That had me crying when I read it. I hope you can find the strength to get through these times.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I wonder how the OP is holding up nowadays? If you are out there, please let us know, ok!!!

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i am so sorry for your loss. I havent been on in awhile and am praying for you and your family at this time. Love from New Zealand, Kiwimid

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Some of you may recall me mentioning that I was pregnant and scheduled for C-section on June 23rd. Well, I visited the hospital for an NST on the 18th because I hadn't felt the baby move that morning, and I wanted reassurance. The nurses couldn't find his heartbeat, so an U/S was done. No heartbeat noted, and just like that the baby that we loved and wanted so much was gone. :crying2: I was completely shocked.

He was delivered by C-section later that night. He was beautiful... 9 lbs., 20" long and looked perfect. The cord was not wrapped around his neck. He had died about 2 days before. I just can't understand how a full term baby can suddenly die. I know some of you nurses have seen this before... please help me understand how this could have happened. I am scared to death to try again... I've also had 1 miscarriage. But, we want more children so badly.

We declined an autopsy... I couldn't stand the thought of my precious baby being cut up. Please help me understand what might have caused this. I am an emotional wreck right now. My pregnancy progressed perfectly with no problems. I think I might have sleep apnea... I recall waking up several times one night last week panting as though I hadn't breathed in awhile. Do you think that's when the demise could have occurred?

I'm sure many of you have been through this. How did you manage? Right now I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I am on Xanax and Vicodin, but whenever they wear off I just want to cry. The nurses at the hospital were great, I don't know how I would have managed without them. However, when I was ready to see him I rang my call light and requested to see my baby and whoever answered said "okay, we'll bring IT down." That just broke my heart. She should at least have known he was a boy.

Thank you in advance for any help, wisdom, or encouragement you can give.

When you feel ready, I would talk to that nurse and let her know that your baby was a boy, beloved and wanted, not an "it". Let her know that it hurts terribly to hear an educated professional refer to your son as an "it". Do it in writing if that is easier. If you choose the verbal route, don't attack her, just say your piece matter-of-factly and nicely. But do say it. Who knows how many others she has done this to? She won't repeat it after you talk with her, I'd imagine.

As for healing - well, this is going to take a lot of time. It is a severe loss and you don't know why it happened. Is it enough for you, maybe, to know that it was God's plan and to trust Him? You don't have to like it or Him. In fact, you can rage at Him and tell Him how badly you are suffering. He is probably expecting it. But then, after a while, let Him know that you don't like or understand it but you still trust Him to run your life. If you do. I don't know your religious beliefs, I'm just sharing how I deal with severe pain in my life. I truly wish you and your family peace and ease of pain. Just take the necessary time to adjust and know that the pain will let up in time.

Perhaps a support group will help, a funeral and other traditional ways of mourning can bring relief, and just taking each day as it comes. I will hold you up in prayer, Wannabe. :o

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Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

OP has not been on boards since Feb, I don't think. This thread was started in 2005.

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Whoops. I hope she's ok. Thanks, prmenrs.

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Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.
No prob, Trudy!
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