Some of you may recall me mentioning that I was pregnant and scheduled for C-section on June 23rd. Well, I visited the hospital for an NST on the 18th because I hadn't felt the baby move that morning, and I wanted reassurance. The nurses couldn't find his heartbeat, so an U/S was done. No heartbeat noted, and just like that the baby that we loved and wanted so much was gone. I was completely shocked.
He was delivered by C-section later that night. He was beautiful... 9 lbs., 20" long and looked perfect. The cord was not wrapped around his neck. He had died about 2 days before. I just can't understand how a full term baby can suddenly die. I know some of you nurses have seen this before... please help me understand how this could have happened. I am scared to death to try again... I've also had 1 miscarriage. But, we want more children so badly.
We declined an autopsy... I couldn't stand the thought of my precious baby being cut up. Please help me understand what might have caused this. I am an emotional wreck right now. My pregnancy progressed perfectly with no problems. I think I might have sleep apnea... I recall waking up several times one night last week panting as though I hadn't breathed in awhile. Do you think that's when the demise could have occurred?
I'm sure many of you have been through this. How did you manage? Right now I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I am on Xanax and Vicodin, but whenever they wear off I just want to cry. The nurses at the hospital were great, I don't know how I would have managed without them. However, when I was ready to see him I rang my call light and requested to see my baby and whoever answered said "okay, we'll bring IT down." That just broke my heart. She should at least have known he was a boy.
Thank you in advance for any help, wisdom, or encouragement you can give.
Oh We have a wonderful perinatal bereavment team, and they express that one of the parents biggest fears is that their baby will be forgotten, and with their support groups and education they make sure that this doesnt happen. They hold a candle light ceremony every spring, and the parents say their babys name and a moment of silence and release a ballon in the babies memory, among many other support meetings and get togethers year round.
That sounds like a beautiful ceremony; I would love to take part in something like that. We live in a rural area and really there just isn't much in the way of support groups and things like that, but a friend of mine did tell me that a hospital near here (about 40 miles away) participates in the SHARE program. So I know that if I start feeling too overwhelmed, I can always go there for support. That's very comforting to me. I hope they do something like the ceremony you mentioned- that would be a wonderful way to honor the memory of our perfect baby angel. Thank you so much for your kind words. :icon_hug:
Renea, that is a beautiful poem. I wish I had done something like that for my baby's service, but I guess I was still in such shock that the idea didn't even occur to me. I'm going to make a few pages for him in our family scrapbook, so I can still write something special for him and place it there.
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories. I know everyone is supposed to grieve differently, but from the postings here and the books I've read, it seems that we have all experienced the very same thoughts, emotions, and concerns about the future. It's almost like a blueprint for grief. I had the same reaction as mifligirl: "why did this happen? I went to EVERY single prenatal visit, just like I was supposed to." And like RNMOMto4, I can't help but feel like my husband is having an easier time with this than I am. And like BENNETT said, I'm afraid he will be forgotten. There are countless other examples. Maybe we are all just following the blueprint in a different order or at different times. Anyway, it helps to know that all of these feelings and thoughts I'm having have "been done," and that I'm not alone.
i have said a prayer for you and asked god to provide you with peace and comfort and the strength to bear this terrible tragedy. god will never burden us with more than we can handle. believe that the divine has wonderful things in store for you. if you are of the christian faith, you may find comfort in the book of job...and remember - faith can break the sky in two and let the face of god shine through.
I am really sorry that you had to go through losing your son . I was in my 5th month when I went to my doctors appointment to find out my daughter had no heart beat, I was told to immediately go home and pack my things and go to the hospital where I would deliver my daughter(naturally). I actually decided to have an autospy done to determine the cause of death and she was then sent to a research facility where they would run tests on her to try to help future mothers to be. There was a problem with the placenta because I am a diabetic and I have a genetic disorder called tuberous sclerosis, and high blood pressure. I was considered high risk but still I wanted to continue on with the pregnancy when I found out. Sometimes life is really unfair to us. My boyfriend was there beside me the whole time and he has had a very difficult time coping with the loss of our daughter. We are both apart of a group for the loss of child. She would of been 3 months and 9 days old. I lost her in april so it's been a while now. At first I didnt want to do anything but cry and blame myself for what had happened. I even went so far as thinking I was a bad mother to my baby and didnt deserve to live. I was very depressed and wasnt able to go to work. Now 7 months later I've found myself ready to go back to work and become a nurse. I would really love to become a neonatal nurse and then eventually get my masters degree to become a NNP. I think of my daughter every day, I carry her picture around with me wherever I go. Since it was so close to mothers day when I lost her my boyfriend bought me a mothers day gift a little pigglet toy(our nusery was winnie the pooh).I keep that with me as well in our bedroom. I know it sounds silly but every night my boyfriend and I kiss the picture we have of her and say a prayer. This is just our way of coping with what happened to us and a way for us to remember her and know that we love her and always will. It is good that you are going to make a few pages for him in your family scrap book. It will help you heal...and healing will take time. I'm still healing.I still cry most days but then I thank god that I got to have her for a little while. Even if I didnt get a chance to know her.
I am really sorry that you had to go through losing your son . I was in my 5th month when I went to my doctors appointment to find out my daughter had no heart beat, I was told to immediately go home and pack my things and go to the hospital where I would deliver my daughter(naturally). I actually decided to have an autospy done to determine the cause of death and she was then sent to a research facility where they would run tests on her to try to help future mothers to be. There was a problem with the placenta because I am a diabetic and I have a genetic disorder called tuberous sclerosis, and high blood pressure. I was considered high risk but still I wanted to continue on with the pregnancy when I found out. Sometimes life is really unfair to us. My boyfriend was there beside me the whole time and he has had a very difficult time coping with the loss of our daughter. We are both apart of a group for the loss of child. She would of been 3 months and 9 days old. I lost her in april so it's been a while now. At first I didnt want to do anything but cry and blame myself for what had happened. I even went so far as thinking I was a bad mother to my baby and didnt deserve to live. I was very depressed and wasnt able to go to work. Now 7 months later I've found myself ready to go back to work and become a nurse. I would really love to become a neonatal nurse and then eventually get my masters degree to become a NNP. I think of my daughter every day, I carry her picture around with me wherever I go. Since it was so close to mothers day when I lost her my boyfriend bought me a mothers day gift a little pigglet toy(our nusery was winnie the pooh).I keep that with me as well in our bedroom. I know it sounds silly but every night my boyfriend and I kiss the picture we have of her and say a prayer. This is just our way of coping with what happened to us and a way for us to remember her and know that we love her and always will. It is good that you are going to make a few pages for him in your family scrap book. It will help you heal...and healing will take time. I'm still healing.I still cry most days but then I thank god that I got to have her for a little while. Even if I didnt get a chance to know her.
~Amber~
Amber,
Hang in there! I still find myself crying sometimes and my child would have been 8 now.....usually it is when my oldest daughter, 5 years old, gets upset because she can't see him now:crying2: ......it gets complicated but it does get easier.....
Amber, My heart goes out to you as well. We lost a little girl at 5 months who would now be 26 years old and I little girl at 4 months who would now be 17 years old. I did not want autopsies but there was an amnio done and on the second girl and she was genetically normal. We have a 24 year old daughter and 16 year old son and both pregnancies were uneventful. We can never know what God has planned for us or why. One day when were all together again we'll know. I've never blamed God but have always wondered why? My heart so goes out to you. TIme does help but you will always feel the loss of your child. God Bless You.
Specializes in NICU, L&D, OB, Home Health, Management.
I am sorry for your loss. I've suffered 2 myself (18 and 19 years ago) and can say you'll never 'get over it'. You will, however, learn to go on with life.
I agree with the suggestions many have had to name your son.
Now to some other things - if your hospital hasn't gotten involved with a bereavement support group, I've worked with resolve through sharing and compassionate friends and both are reputable organizations that can really help. Also, if your hospital is involved in the growing family baby photo system they may have taken pictures of your son. You can contact growingfamily.com and find out if these pictures were taken. If they were the company will send you several pictures free of charge.
I hope this helps - you remain in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss, - and are thinking about you when x-mas time is cooming. Its hard to go thrue spesc. occations as birthdays and fex x-mas.
10 years ago I lost my abillity to get my baby(ies); they removed my wrong ovary, and I had to go thrue several surgeries and finally hysterectomi because of constantly bleeding.
I felt like loosing my babies, and cant really get over it, even 10 years later. Though, I am not crying anymore. I have a little scar in my soul. Forever. Now I am too old to adopt, and in my country you cant adopt if you are 45 or alone. Yes, probably I got a post traumatic stress syndrom, and have to accept that,-even its really hard.
I am praying for you and will keep you and your loss in my heart. I think I know some of the pain of loosing.
I am so very sorry....There isn't anything anyone can say to help the pain but just know that we are here for you. Your son is an angel.......You may have already shared this but could you tell us his name? Many hugs and prayers for you and your family....Martha
I was completely shocked.
. I was in my 5th month when I went to my doctors appointment to find out my daughter had no heart beat, I was told to immediately go home and pack my things and go to the hospital where I would deliver my daughter(naturally). I actually decided to have an autospy done to determine the cause of death and she was then sent to a research facility where they would run tests on her to try to help future mothers to be. There was a problem with the placenta because I am a diabetic and I have a genetic disorder called tuberous sclerosis, and high blood pressure. I was considered high risk but still I wanted to continue on with the pregnancy when I found out. Sometimes life is really unfair to us. My boyfriend was there beside me the whole time and he has had a very difficult time coping with the loss of our daughter. We are both apart of a group for the loss of child. She would of been 3 months and 9 days old. I lost her in april so it's been a while now. At first I didnt want to do anything but cry and blame myself for what had happened. I even went so far as thinking I was a bad mother to my baby and didnt deserve to live. I was very depressed and wasnt able to go to work. Now 7 months later I've found myself ready to go back to work and become a nurse. I would really love to become a neonatal nurse and then eventually get my masters degree to become a NNP. I think of my daughter every day, I carry her picture around with me wherever I go. Since it was so close to mothers day when I lost her my boyfriend bought me a mothers day gift a little pigglet toy(our nusery was winnie the pooh).I keep that with me as well in our bedroom. I know it sounds silly but every night my boyfriend and I kiss the picture we have of her and say a prayer. This is just our way of coping with what happened to us and a way for us to remember her and know that we love her and always will. It is good that you are going to make a few pages for him in your family scrap book. It will help you heal...and healing will take time. I'm still healing.I still cry most days but then I thank god that I got to have her for a little while. Even if I didnt get a chance to know her.
nurse_wannabe
201 Posts
That sounds like a beautiful ceremony; I would love to take part in something like that. We live in a rural area and really there just isn't much in the way of support groups and things like that, but a friend of mine did tell me that a hospital near here (about 40 miles away) participates in the SHARE program. So I know that if I start feeling too overwhelmed, I can always go there for support. That's very comforting to me. I hope they do something like the ceremony you mentioned- that would be a wonderful way to honor the memory of our perfect baby angel. Thank you so much for your kind words. :icon_hug: