Before you can start to get your career back on track, you MUST get healthy mentally, emotionally and physically. Running around with untreated hypertension is always a bad idea, and it goes without saying that you need good mental health care. I deal with bipolar I disorder myself so I can sympathize with you on that score. It torpedoed my career before I got a handle on it, so when I see someone struggling with the same thing, I want to help.
Thing is, you haven’t really taken responsibility for the state your life and career are in, and until you do you won’t be able to move forward. Being manic or depressed isn’t an excuse for losing your (brown word) and yelling at people in a professional setting. I agree, you definitely need a new mental health care provider, one who won’t judge you or actively try to deprive you of your livelihood. But you’ve shot yourself in the foot by lying to the BON, and now it appears that you’re unstable on top of everything else.
I know it’s hard with kids and all, but I think you would do well to check yourself into a hospital. They can work miracles within a short time with the right meds, and if you’re lucky enough to be in a good psych unit like the one I was in, there are therapy groups, individual therapy and arts/crafts/music. Do you not have a friend or two who might take the kids for a few days while you’re in?
Just a few thoughts for you to consider. I wish I could see you and hold your hand and tell you it’s going to be OK, but of course we don’t know that for sure and I’m not going to blow sunshine up your skirt. Things have been done that can’t be undone, and you need a Plan B in case this doesn’t work out.
Wishing you the best. Please keep us posted as to how you’re doing. Viva