I started working weekends in March (I still work weekdays) and the weekend nursing supervisor has been extremely flirtatious towards me. He makes sexually suggestive comments towards me, holds my hand, brushes up against me, rubs my arm, draws smiley faces on my paperwork that I leave at my computer when I am in a patient's room, he has given me his cell phone number and has asked repeatedly why I don't text or call him.
For example I am working on the computer and have my hand on the mouse, he comes up behind me and puts his hand over mine and will then pick up my hand and holds it. He said, "your hands are cold, I can warm you up. Would you like it if I warmed you up?"
One day I offered to help a NA roll a patient in the bed so he could get cleaned up. The supervisor said to me, "you can help me in bed." I said, "I doubt you need help." He said, "you never know, why don't you offer to help me out?"
I was about to use a bladder scanner on a patient and the supervisor took the lubricant, squirted it onto his hand, then rubbed it onto my arm. I was shocked. He said, "I have wanted to put some lubricant on you for a long time." I walked off to get paper towels to clean it up, and he came after me and took the towels and wiped it off my arm.
I was standing at the ER doorway waiting for the ambulance to bring in a patient and he stood beside me and started to tap and rub his foot on my shoe. I said, "Your shoes have sparkles on them. I didn't know you liked sparkles." (I honestly thought he would get offended and stop.) He said, "there's a lot of things you don't know about me. All you have to do is ask. I'd like you to get to know me better."
There are a lot of incidents like this. My coworkers know what's going on and some have said "you just have to know how to take him when he makes comments and he is like that to some nurses." Some have said he has been fired from several jobs because of sexual harassment. Even patients have seen some of this behavior and have said that they think it is wrong (he will come into a patient's room with me to see what I am doing or if I need anything or to just check on me).
I don't want to be rude and I do want it to stop, but I definitely don't want to lose my job. I am seriously afraid to say anything. This is the nursing supervisor, so this is my boss's boss. Part of me thinks I might be overly sensitive and overreacting. I've just never had anyone be like this around me. I have not seen him do this to other nurses. I did hear that he was like this to an ICU nurse years ago, but she no longer works here.
So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Is there anything that I can do? Part of me thinks I just need to deal with it and eventually he will stop.
Is it really worth having a job at that place if you have to deal with his behavior? You could always buy yourself a really nice and shiny engagement ring, when he asks who bought it for you, tell him your fiance who happens to work in law enforcement. That might scare him straight.
OP, honestly, the first thing I thought was, "Is this for real? How can anyone be this oblivious? Are you stupid?"
I'm sorry that was my first reaction.
You need to change jobs. A paycheck is not worth peace of mind. Or your personal dignity. Or your life.
This dude is on the path toward raping or killing you.
Get off the path.
I don't know how to be any more blunt. Just be grateful he is slowly escalating so you have time to get away from him. Report him to HR, make formal complaints, and make sure he is not within 50 feet of you when you are alone. Carry a taser and pepper spray.
I don't know how to open your eyes towards this man. I feel that you are burying your head in the sand so you don't have to deal with the thought of being the target of a sexual predator.
GET. OUT. OF. THERE.
(NOADLS, you know I think you are hilarious, but this is a bad topic for your brand of humor. You may want to apologize and carry on elsewhere.)
Specializes in Leadership, Psych, HomeCare, Amb. Care.
Sit down, write everything you recall, in as much detail as you can, including dates and times.
If/when anything else happens, take everything to HR so you can make a detailed harassment complaint. Seek outside counsel first if you truly fear retaliation.
Dont be passive, don't accept being abused, take action.
OP, I often feel like things can be dramatized on this board, and people overreact. I DONT feel that way in your case. Any way you can tell this man no...do it. Practise it before you see him, and each time you will be more comfortable using your voice. I think you should talk to your boss, or employee health, and describe the situation. Watch how they react to what you say. He's a skeevy, slimey, bully, and he'll do anything to make you think you're overreacting, or you are rude and unfriendly. Don't fall for it. Think about all the other women he's made feel dirty, and make YOUR voice count for every one of them. You can do this.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
What magical, super fantastic job do you have that is worth your LIFE?!
I don't care where you work or how much you make. I wouldn't put up with that & you shouldn't either. No woman should. Take the advice of this board before something serious happens. Trust us, it can & it has the possibility to.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
I want to make it clear that I LOVE my job. I'm concerned that saying anything will jeopardize my job in some way. Other people have witnessed this, but I never kept a journal. I really didn't think it would last this long. I have no desire to get a lawyer.
I have tried avoiding him and I walk away after he says or does something. Yesterday I walked away after he made a comment and he followed me and said "you don't need to be embarrassed around me and you don't have to walk away."
There's no way I can't be under his supervision. He is the boss of all the nurses in the entire hospital (he's the boss of my boss (the nurse manager)). He isn't with me all day, but he sees me many times each day on the weekend days that I work.
I guess I need to be more firm and actually say this is making me uncomfortable. I have preferred the more passive and avoidant approach because I wanted to avoid repercussions from him. I believe he could have me fired if he wanted to.
Yes, the threat or implied threat of retaliatory interference in your ability to make a living is generally part of a sexual harassment complaint.
Your original question was "do you think I'm overreacting"? I can't help wondering why there was any question whatsoever in your mind that would lead to the conclusion that your long list of detailed, specific interactions could ever be no big deal. As far as I know, in fact nursing schools and most employers nowadays include the topic as part of their "new hire" process.
The episode wiping lubricant on your arm, in front of a patient, with the comment is particularly repugnant. If I saw that as a patient, I may have called in a complaint myself.
Anyway, I get the impression you've made up your mind, for now, to tolerate his improper behavior. My only advice would be to stop discussing this guy with your coworkers. They're enabling a stalker, so I wouldn't imagine anything useful could be gleaned from them.
I'd try to avoid rejoinders such as the comment about sparkles on his shoes. It takes very little to encourage creeps like that.
I'd continue to document or journal as you did in your first post except put a day and a time on it. You may change your mind, and it's better to be prepared.
I'm sorry you're having to face this. I understand that these cases, none of your possible options are good, some are worse than others, and being in the middle of it you're inclined to doubt yourself. All of that mental stuff you go through, is the effect a stalker has on a victim. It distorts your sense of reality.
You made a wise choice to come here and air it out. It will make the next step, should you need to take it, less terrifying.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I'd try to avoid rejoinders such as the comment about sparkles on his shoes. It takes very little to encourage creeps like that.
This! Anything more than a "Please don't touch me. Please don't talk to me." is seen as encouragement by people like this. As long as you continue to have to work with him, you need to limit your interactions with him to ONLY work-related conversations. Preferably in front of others. If he touches you, tell him politely to not touch you. If he flirts with you, walk away. If he makes a comment suggesting that he wants to "get to know you better" or wants you to call him, tell him "I am married. You are my superior. This is inappropriate and makes me very uncomfortable. Please stop." And then document. EVERYTHING.
You HAVE to be direct and specific with him, using clear, specific and concise language. That way, there will be no ambiguity (to a normal, non-psychotic person). That way, when you slap that hospital with a big ******* sexual harrassment lawsuit when they do nothing to stop this *******, your case is made. And yes, that's exactly what I think you should do if they do nothing less than fire his ass WHEN (not "if") you go to HR about this creep.
I'm curious - what does your husband think about what's been happening?
Report him now. Document everything in an email to yourself as suggested above.
On a side note, i can't believe your coworkers (especially the guys) let him get away with this. My female coworkers are my sisters and anyone who acts inappropriately with them will have a come to jesus meeting.
There is an amazing book called The Gift of Fear. Among other things, it discusses women who are attacked because they are afraid to 'be rude,' and don't want to rock the boat. As many others have said, predators like your supervisor are COUNTING on that response.
Having been a victim of a violent attack, I can tell you what I've learned since, as I learned how to exist around people again: these predators can SMELL a potential victim. They seem to have some nasty extra sense they use to decide if you are (in their perception) weak enough to be taken advantage of.
I always tried to be nice to everyone, to get along and be friends with everyone. Until I met someone like this. I'm not saying it's wrong to be friendly and kind, just be aware that there are those out there who would just as soon hurt you as look at you. They get thrills from timidity and passivity.
I need to echo what many have said: YOUR SAFETY IS PRIORITY NUMBER ONE!!
mustanglover
28 Posts
Is it really worth having a job at that place if you have to deal with his behavior? You could always buy yourself a really nice and shiny engagement ring, when he asks who bought it for you, tell him your fiance who happens to work in law enforcement. That might scare him straight.