I started working weekends in March (I still work weekdays) and the weekend nursing supervisor has been extremely flirtatious towards me. He makes sexually suggestive comments towards me, holds my hand, brushes up against me, rubs my arm, draws smiley faces on my paperwork that I leave at my computer when I am in a patient's room, he has given me his cell phone number and has asked repeatedly why I don't text or call him.
For example I am working on the computer and have my hand on the mouse, he comes up behind me and puts his hand over mine and will then pick up my hand and holds it. He said, "your hands are cold, I can warm you up. Would you like it if I warmed you up?"
One day I offered to help a NA roll a patient in the bed so he could get cleaned up. The supervisor said to me, "you can help me in bed." I said, "I doubt you need help." He said, "you never know, why don't you offer to help me out?"
I was about to use a bladder scanner on a patient and the supervisor took the lubricant, squirted it onto his hand, then rubbed it onto my arm. I was shocked. He said, "I have wanted to put some lubricant on you for a long time." I walked off to get paper towels to clean it up, and he came after me and took the towels and wiped it off my arm.
I was standing at the ER doorway waiting for the ambulance to bring in a patient and he stood beside me and started to tap and rub his foot on my shoe. I said, "Your shoes have sparkles on them. I didn't know you liked sparkles." (I honestly thought he would get offended and stop.) He said, "there's a lot of things you don't know about me. All you have to do is ask. I'd like you to get to know me better."
There are a lot of incidents like this. My coworkers know what's going on and some have said "you just have to know how to take him when he makes comments and he is like that to some nurses." Some have said he has been fired from several jobs because of sexual harassment. Even patients have seen some of this behavior and have said that they think it is wrong (he will come into a patient's room with me to see what I am doing or if I need anything or to just check on me).
I don't want to be rude and I do want it to stop, but I definitely don't want to lose my job. I am seriously afraid to say anything. This is the nursing supervisor, so this is my boss's boss. Part of me thinks I might be overly sensitive and overreacting. I've just never had anyone be like this around me. I have not seen him do this to other nurses. I did hear that he was like this to an ICU nurse years ago, but she no longer works here.
So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Is there anything that I can do? Part of me thinks I just need to deal with it and eventually he will stop.
Maybe your right, but I really don't want it to look like I'm overreacting if I report it. I also think I might lose my job if I tell someone in HR. He's been working at this hospital for years. I have told my charge nurse and other coworker nurses know, and they have all said there's not much that can be done and to just try to avoid him. My charge nurse was the one who told me that he's been fired from other jobs for this stuff. I asked why he was hired with that background and why he's allowed to continue to be here and she said she didn't know. This is a part time job for him- weekends only. I am required to work every other weekend, so that's the only time he's around me. He has a full time job at the VA and asked me to work there. I said I couldn't because I had applied (as a nurse extern) and was turned down. He said he would get me in. I said no. He was a soldier in the army and fought in the Iraq war. He told a story to me and several coworkers about how he wanted to take care of his daughter's boyfriend and he knew no one would figure out what happened to him. Someone said, "wow, I hope I never piss you off." I agreed. I can see how it's easy for some to say that I need to report this, but it's not that easy. Administration knows about him, and others know. It's happened before at this hospital with him and the other nurses no longer work here (I do not know why- their reasons for leaving might not be related to this). I want it to stop but I don't want to lose my job or make him mad. I doubt the hospital would prefer to keep me and fire him. That's why I avoid him and walk away as much as possible. I'm really at a loss and I really don't want to lose my job.
Do you see that in fact you are in a situation where you are thinking about "making him mad". It is predatory, abusive, and all the other verbs that go with abuse.
Seek out your local women's abuse group. A counselor there can talk at length with you about a plan, and steps to assist you going forward. And hopefully get you to realize that predators who stalk victims have a very specific agenda, and you need to see this to prevent yourself from getting further caught up in this situation, but going forward. He is grooming you, you are his specific target, and this is very, very dangerous.
Protect yourself. No matter how much you love your job, getting caught up in all this is soul sucking, and not worth your sanity or most importantly, your safety.
Maybe your right, but I really don't want it to look like I'm overreacting if I report it. I also think I might lose my job if I tell someone in HR. He's been working at this hospital for years. I have told my charge nurse and other coworker nurses know, and they have all said there's not much that can be done and to just try to avoid him. My charge nurse was the one who told me that he's been fired from other jobs for this stuff. I asked why he was hired with that background and why he's allowed to continue to be here and she said she didn't know. This is a part time job for him- weekends only. I am required to work every other weekend, so that's the only time he's around me. He has a full time job at the VA and asked me to work there. I said I couldn't because I had applied (as a nurse extern) and was turned down. He said he would get me in. I said no. He was a soldier in the army and fought in the Iraq war. He told a story to me and several coworkers about how he wanted to take care of his daughter's boyfriend and he knew no one would figure out what happened to him. Someone said, "wow, I hope I never piss you off." I agreed. I can see how it's easy for some to say that I need to report this, but it's not that easy. Administration knows about him, and others know. It's happened before at this hospital with him and the other nurses no longer work here (I do not know why- their reasons for leaving might not be related to this). I want it to stop but I don't want to lose my job or make him mad. I doubt the hospital would prefer to keep me and fire him. That's why I avoid him and walk away as much as possible. I'm really at a loss and I really don't want to lose my job.
You sound like how I did in my abusive relationship.
Also, the next time he lays so much as a finger on you, even if he looks at you funny, you need to directly and LOUDLY tell him to stop.
Example: Creep grabs your arm and makes an inappropriate sexually charged comment
me: "DO NOT TOUCH ME AGAIN, MR. So and so, I'VE ASKED YOU SEVERAL TIMES TO STOP AND YOU ARE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE AT MY PLACE OF WORK."
If he wants to be a perv, the entire unit will know.
Start a journal of these occurrences immediately! You are a subordinate. This is highly illegal and he KNOWS it. You probably aren't the first person he has tried this with. I'm just saying to prepare to find another job. This may be where it's headed--you do, however, need to get that lawyer to protect your license in case anything funny is thrown at you for this.
Just as illegal and they know it as your direct manager/charge nurse when you told them about it said "there's nothing that can be done about it".
Go to the cops, file a complaint. Be escorted to your car. Lock your doors, decline any phonecalls from him on your phone, block his number. IF this comes to you deciding to leave your job, get a restraining order.
OP, you need someone to help you with this. It is akin to domestic abuse.
1-800-799-SAFE is the national domestic abuse hotline. They also have chat, information lots of things. You need to get some assistance with this and by those who believe that there CAN be a way to stop it.
If your story is true, then no - you are not overreacting.
Seek a lawyer's advice. Sexual harassment is fiendishly hard to prove. It's also a huge liability issue for business organizations and they all have mechanisms to address it. They have a vested interest in suppressing and discouraging complaints, though, so you need someone on your side that they can't control.
The first priority is your safety. Has he threatened you or your job? If so, get out!
Is it possible to transfer out from under his direct supervision?
Have you told him to stop? That needs to be your first move. You need to say it directly and preferably with witnesses. If you don't, when you report him, he'll simply claim that he "misunderstood your signals" and didn't know his advances were unwelcome.
Have you kept a journal of incidents or related them to anyone on or off the job? Has anyone else witnessed this behavior or been subjected to it themselves?
When he starts following you to your car he's gone past stalking and is looking for an opportunity to assault you. Never ever go to the parking lot alone; always have security with you and pepper spray for good measure!
I want to make it clear that I LOVE my job. I'm concerned that saying anything will jeopardize my job in some way. Other people have witnessed this, but I never kept a journal. I really didn't think it would last this long. I have no desire to get a lawyer.
I have tried avoiding him and I walk away after he says or does something. Yesterday I walked away after he made a comment and he followed me and said "you don't need to be embarrassed around me and you don't have to walk away."
There's no way I can't be under his supervision. He is the boss of all the nurses in the entire hospital (he's the boss of my boss (the nurse manager)). He isn't with me all day, but he sees me many times each day on the weekend days that I work.
I guess I need to be more firm and actually say this is making me uncomfortable. I have preferred the more passive and avoidant approach because I wanted to avoid repercussions from him. I believe he could have me fired if he wanted to.
"you don't need to be embarrassed around me and you don't have to walk away." Now it's passed the point of sexual harassment to sexual abuse. He KNOWS he is making you uncomfortable .
He is NOT your boss's boss. A supervisor is in charge when management is not on site. That is a moot point anyway.
Report STAT to HR.. from now on look jerk in the eye and say "knock it off". He is enjoying the "passive and avoidant " response.. You are a grown woman, make it clear you will not allow this and you have reported him.
This guy is the DON/CNO and likely a serial abuser - it's gonna get a lot more complicated than a simple report to HR. Organizations tend to protect their upper echelon officials. It's likely he's been reported before and he's still there. This should tell you something. The OP needs a plan to protect herself before blowing any whistles.
I think the emails to self as a documentation method is brilliant.
Tell him no, get help, report him. There are laws and regulations supporting you. I would hope that your workplace HR and/or anyone to whom this escalated would not see this as overreacting, because it most certainly isn't. The lubricant comment made me gag. You have over 20(?) people telling you to report him/get help/tell him no, and that you are not safe. GO DO IT. You should have legal protection, and in all honesty, is your job worth the possibility of being hurt, raped, losing your life, or all three?
"Boss of all the nurses in the hospital" is the CNO/DON (titles vary), or the administrator/CEO, neither of which includes a part-time weekend position. A weekends-only supervisor could certainly carry enough clout to make big trouble for the OP, but nowhere near the absolute power described by the OP. A weekend administrator would not be helping the OP with a procedure.
OP, don't believe everything this guy tells you about his own authority. I'm wondering if he's got you a little snowed about how much power he really has. Either that, or your hospital has an extremely unusual management structure.
My advice doesn't change: consult a lawyer, tell him to stop (with witnesses if at all possible) and document all incidents - the self-emails idea is brilliant. Proceed carefully and protect yourself.
Sorry, but it IS the responsibility of OP to start the ball rolling to stop this man. I'm not blaming her for being on the receiving end of this disgusting behavior at all. She is a part of the problem though if she doesn't take the initiative to shut this creep down.
It takes a whole system to create a consequence-free environment for predators. Directing responsibility onto the subject of his unwanted attentions, who is in fear of retaliation should she fight him, is unproductive to say the least. She has the least power in this situation, which is exactly why he chose her.
Ask why administration hired a known predator. Ask why the other staff members aren't reporting him. Ask why the administration, who knows now if they didn't initially, lets him get away with it.
OP is still questioning whether she's too bothered by this behavior, which also makes me wonder if there's some gaslighting going on. If there isn't yet, I don't doubt there will be if she confronts this guy.
jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B
9 Articles; 4,800 Posts
Do you see that in fact you are in a situation where you are thinking about "making him mad". It is predatory, abusive, and all the other verbs that go with abuse.
Seek out your local women's abuse group. A counselor there can talk at length with you about a plan, and steps to assist you going forward. And hopefully get you to realize that predators who stalk victims have a very specific agenda, and you need to see this to prevent yourself from getting further caught up in this situation, but going forward. He is grooming you, you are his specific target, and this is very, very dangerous.
Protect yourself. No matter how much you love your job, getting caught up in all this is soul sucking, and not worth your sanity or most importantly, your safety.