I started working weekends in March (I still work weekdays) and the weekend nursing supervisor has been extremely flirtatious towards me. He makes sexually suggestive comments towards me, holds my hand, brushes up against me, rubs my arm, draws smiley faces on my paperwork that I leave at my computer when I am in a patient's room, he has given me his cell phone number and has asked repeatedly why I don't text or call him.
For example I am working on the computer and have my hand on the mouse, he comes up behind me and puts his hand over mine and will then pick up my hand and holds it. He said, "your hands are cold, I can warm you up. Would you like it if I warmed you up?"
One day I offered to help a NA roll a patient in the bed so he could get cleaned up. The supervisor said to me, "you can help me in bed." I said, "I doubt you need help." He said, "you never know, why don't you offer to help me out?"
I was about to use a bladder scanner on a patient and the supervisor took the lubricant, squirted it onto his hand, then rubbed it onto my arm. I was shocked. He said, "I have wanted to put some lubricant on you for a long time." I walked off to get paper towels to clean it up, and he came after me and took the towels and wiped it off my arm.
I was standing at the ER doorway waiting for the ambulance to bring in a patient and he stood beside me and started to tap and rub his foot on my shoe. I said, "Your shoes have sparkles on them. I didn't know you liked sparkles." (I honestly thought he would get offended and stop.) He said, "there's a lot of things you don't know about me. All you have to do is ask. I'd like you to get to know me better."
There are a lot of incidents like this. My coworkers know what's going on and some have said "you just have to know how to take him when he makes comments and he is like that to some nurses." Some have said he has been fired from several jobs because of sexual harassment. Even patients have seen some of this behavior and have said that they think it is wrong (he will come into a patient's room with me to see what I am doing or if I need anything or to just check on me).
I don't want to be rude and I do want it to stop, but I definitely don't want to lose my job. I am seriously afraid to say anything. This is the nursing supervisor, so this is my boss's boss. Part of me thinks I might be overly sensitive and overreacting. I've just never had anyone be like this around me. I have not seen him do this to other nurses. I did hear that he was like this to an ICU nurse years ago, but she no longer works here.
So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Is there anything that I can do? Part of me thinks I just need to deal with it and eventually he will stop.
I am sickened by the actions of this supposed "professional" who sounds like a truly sick and twisted individual (and not in the good, ER-morbid-humor kind of way, either). OP, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. And this is going to sound paranoid, but please tell your husband ASAP just in case something happens. If this sicko knows that your husband is gone a lot, that's not a good thing. I am utterly disgusted with this worm (no offense to worms), and I am ALSO completely disgusted with your coworkers and charge nurse who KNOW that this is happening! That just blows my mind. If I saw this happen to someone else at work, I would be all up in that business to make sure it stops. That's just nuts. I am sure this guy continues because he has been allowed to do it without repercussions ... at this place, at least. He must have some deep issues.
OP, just to make sure you know: this is NOT your fault. It is not your fault that you have become a fixation, it is not your fault that you've had difficulty telling him to stop for fear of reprisal. YOU DID NOT ASK FOR THIS. Just in case no one has made that clear. *hugs* Hang in there and please keep us posted, I am genuinely concerned for your wellbeing and safety.
Specializes in Med/surg,orthopedics,emergency room,.
I really do not think you are over reacting at all!! His actions, and innuendos are TOTALLY inappropriate!!!! Now, I see two ways to handle it: 1. The next time it happens, stop him in his tracks and TELL him the behavior is uncomfortable for you. And tell your supervisor. 2. Get your husband/boyfriend to come up there as a show in force, maybe the he will get the message!!! Even if it's just a male friend who is willing to play the part! I know that sounds petty but sometimes it works. Good luck!
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Are you sure he's your boss' boss & not the weekend supervisor? Seems pretty odd to me that he would only work weekends being your boss' boss. I believe he has lied to you about his title to use it as leverage.
I know what it's like to be a people pleaser, but honestly who are you pleasing when your safety & your children's safety is at risk? Just him.
It sounds like you are in a mentally abusive relationship with your husband. Please seek help, go to a women's shelter and/or get a therapist to talk to. It's one thing not to make waves, but you need to be able to protect yourself.
I know you probably love your hospital job & it is clear you love nursing. But you need to see what is happening. You are the victim to a very sick & perverse male. It's not your fault but I would change jobs. If he is doing this to you, he is doing it to other women. It shouldn't be allowed.
Please think about what everyone has said. This is the time to stand up & assert your voice.
Also might I suggest purchasing pepper spray and/or a taser. When some psycho girl threatened my child & myself the first thing I did was went to the police. I saved the messages & put pepper spray on my keychain. I am not letting anyone hurt my son & I wish you the courage to find your voice to make this motherfunker stop.
Specializes in Med/surg,orthopedics,emergency room,.
I will add another tidbit as well, I so agree with everyone's comments, but at the end of the day you are the one who needs to stand up!!! Start writing EVERY incident and EVERY encounter with him. DOCUEMENT
I'm sorry you don't get much support from your husband. That makes this situation all the more difficult.
I wish you all the luck. Please keep us updated.
I am looking at switching departments, but that doesn't change anything because he oversees the entire hospital. I floated to a different department last Sunday and he saw me just as much as when I worked at my normal location.
I will keep you all updated. My next weekend to work is July 23 & 24.
Is there any chance that he would see this thread? There are specific examples that you quoted in your original email that could potentially reveal to him who you are here on allnurses, and possibly put you in further danger. Not sure if maybe a mod/admin could delete the examples/make it more generic?
I am mainly a lurker, but this is concerning enough to me that I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts, and I truly, avidly hope you take heed to the terrific (and heart-breaking) advice in this thread. Please stay safe, not just for you, but for your husband and children as well... This involves them every bit as much, and they may also be at risk.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I am looking at switching departments, but that doesn't change anything because he oversees the entire hospital. I floated to a different department last Sunday and he saw me just as much as when I worked at my normal location.
I will keep you all updated. My next weekend to work is July 23 & 24.
Are you sure he wasn't just stalking you? I can't see a big boss like that only being responsible to work weekends. I still stand by my stance that he has you believing he is higher up in the chain of command than he really is.
Is there any chance that he would see this thread? There are specific examples that you quoted in your original email that could potentially reveal to him who you are here on allnurses, and possibly put you in further danger. Not sure if maybe a mod/admin could delete the examples/make it more generic?
I am mainly a lurker, but this is concerning enough to me that I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts, and I truly, avidly hope you take heed to the terrific (and heart-breaking) advice in this thread. Please stay safe, not just for you, but for your husband and children as well... This involves them every bit as much, and they may also be at risk.
I am a little concerned about people being able to identify me based on my comments. I think the odds of that happening are slim though. I doubt he is a member, but there's no way to know for sure.
Thank you for your concern. And to everyone that has expressed concern and support, I sincerely thank you. I constantly feel like I should have done things differently, and based on the comments I guess I should have. All I can do is change things now and handle his comments and actions differently. I hope that will be enough to make it all stop. I will go to HR with documentation if I can't get him to stop.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
OP, I think you misunderstand the role/hierarchy of the nursing supervisor.
The supe, house supe, house mom, whatever your hospital calls it, is typically NOT the superior or boss of your manager. They work for nursing administration, but are not "bosses' bosses" - they are there to oversee hospital flow during nights and weekends when the unit managers and administrators are not present, but they are not directly above unit managers. Typically, they are below (but not directly below) unit managers in the hierarchy. That's why they're "supervisors" and not "managers."
Lunah, MSN, RN
14 Articles; 13,773 Posts
I am sickened by the actions of this supposed "professional" who sounds like a truly sick and twisted individual (and not in the good, ER-morbid-humor kind of way, either). OP, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. And this is going to sound paranoid, but please tell your husband ASAP just in case something happens. If this sicko knows that your husband is gone a lot, that's not a good thing. I am utterly disgusted with this worm (no offense to worms), and I am ALSO completely disgusted with your coworkers and charge nurse who KNOW that this is happening! That just blows my mind. If I saw this happen to someone else at work, I would be all up in that business to make sure it stops. That's just nuts. I am sure this guy continues because he has been allowed to do it without repercussions ... at this place, at least. He must have some deep issues.
OP, just to make sure you know: this is NOT your fault. It is not your fault that you have become a fixation, it is not your fault that you've had difficulty telling him to stop for fear of reprisal. YOU DID NOT ASK FOR THIS. Just in case no one has made that clear. *hugs* Hang in there and please keep us posted, I am genuinely concerned for your wellbeing and safety.