I started working weekends in March (I still work weekdays) and the weekend nursing supervisor has been extremely flirtatious towards me. He makes sexually suggestive comments towards me, holds my hand, brushes up against me, rubs my arm, draws smiley faces on my paperwork that I leave at my computer when I am in a patient's room, he has given me his cell phone number and has asked repeatedly why I don't text or call him.
For example I am working on the computer and have my hand on the mouse, he comes up behind me and puts his hand over mine and will then pick up my hand and holds it. He said, "your hands are cold, I can warm you up. Would you like it if I warmed you up?"
One day I offered to help a NA roll a patient in the bed so he could get cleaned up. The supervisor said to me, "you can help me in bed." I said, "I doubt you need help." He said, "you never know, why don't you offer to help me out?"
I was about to use a bladder scanner on a patient and the supervisor took the lubricant, squirted it onto his hand, then rubbed it onto my arm. I was shocked. He said, "I have wanted to put some lubricant on you for a long time." I walked off to get paper towels to clean it up, and he came after me and took the towels and wiped it off my arm.
I was standing at the ER doorway waiting for the ambulance to bring in a patient and he stood beside me and started to tap and rub his foot on my shoe. I said, "Your shoes have sparkles on them. I didn't know you liked sparkles." (I honestly thought he would get offended and stop.) He said, "there's a lot of things you don't know about me. All you have to do is ask. I'd like you to get to know me better."
There are a lot of incidents like this. My coworkers know what's going on and some have said "you just have to know how to take him when he makes comments and he is like that to some nurses." Some have said he has been fired from several jobs because of sexual harassment. Even patients have seen some of this behavior and have said that they think it is wrong (he will come into a patient's room with me to see what I am doing or if I need anything or to just check on me).
I don't want to be rude and I do want it to stop, but I definitely don't want to lose my job. I am seriously afraid to say anything. This is the nursing supervisor, so this is my boss's boss. Part of me thinks I might be overly sensitive and overreacting. I've just never had anyone be like this around me. I have not seen him do this to other nurses. I did hear that he was like this to an ICU nurse years ago, but she no longer works here.
So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Is there anything that I can do? Part of me thinks I just need to deal with it and eventually he will stop.
I work next weekend, so I will have more to say then. I am already feeling anxious about what to say and how to handle talking to my supervisor.
I found out that my nursing supervisors are not the boss of my nurse manager. They are on the same hierarchy level but they report to a different boss. My manager of my department only works Monday through Friday (7 or 8 am until 4 or 5 pm). There is always a supervisor working and s/he covers the entire hospital. There are several supervisors to ensure the hospital is always covered, and the qualifications to be a supervisor are greater than a manager (supervisors are required to have at least a masters and more experience). There is a manager for each department in the hospital, so there are multiple managers working each weekday, but there is only one supervisor working at a time.
That is why I thought the supervisor was the boss of my manager. This is not true, as they report to different bosses and are on the same hierarchy level (although some people said they believed a supervisor is slightly higher due to it being more difficult to be a supervisor than a manager). I appologize for getting that wrong.
OP, I get that you are a passive type person. You need to get angry. You need to be angry that this man is using his position to take advantage of you. He has put you in an awful position with regard to your husband (keeping this from him), your family, your job, and even possibly your license.
Get mad! He next time this guy approaches you, let him see how angry you are. I was just like you, and eventually I just got fed up. I got p***** off and that's when I was able to stop 'letting things happen to me' ( for lack of a better phrase) and take control. Imagine how good it would feel to have some control in this situation?
I'm not condoning violence or outbursts or inappropriate behavior at work, but a little show of emotion can go a long way... Think about it! And please keep reporting and documenting his behavior however you can. Best of luck to you. Be strong, stand up for yourself!
First of all, I think you are stronger than you realize. You went to and all the way through nursing school without the support of your spouse and while basically being a single mom. That takes courage and strength. (I could go on and on about what I think about your husband's attitude, but you didn't ask my advise on that one.)
Second, to the problem at hand. Since it is very clear to me that you do not want to report this behavior at this time, which I firmly believe you should, I think you need a back up plan. Enlist the help of your coworkers. If I had a person on my unit that I knew was getting bullied, I would make sure that person was never alone with the perpetrator. Find the strongest, most vocal coworker on your shift and let them know what is going on. Then have a code word. I like "sparkle" because it is throwing the the abuse back in his face. So, if your coworker's name is Alice and Mr. Bully comes onto the unit, say, Hey, Alice, your eyes are really sparkling today. Then she knows that she needs to flank you. I would have all my coworkers flank me, to be honest. Code Sparkle, anyone? The minute he sees that he isn't going to be alone with you, he will leave, probably to return and attempt later. But, then your coworkers can rally again.
I agree with all the other posters. I sincerely feel this needs reported higher up than the charge nurse, who by the way should have nipped this in the bud the SECOND you reported it. I fear for your safety. Please, do NOT go to your car without assistance. This is NOT a nice person you are dealing with and it is scary.
I work next weekend, so I will have more to say then. I am already feeling anxious about what to say and how to handle talking to my supervisor.
I found out that my nursing supervisors are not the boss of my nurse manager. They are on the same hierarchy level but they report to a different boss. My manager of my department only works Monday through Friday (7 or 8 am until 4 or 5 pm). There is always a supervisor working and s/he covers the entire hospital. There are several supervisors to ensure the hospital is always covered, and the qualifications to be a supervisor are greater than a manager (supervisors are required to have at least a masters and more experience). There is a manager for each department in the hospital, so there are multiple managers working each weekday, but there is only one supervisor working at a time.
That is why I thought the supervisor was the boss of my manager. This is not true, as they report to different bosses and are on the same hierarchy level (although some people said they believed a supervisor is slightly higher due to it being more difficult to be a supervisor than a manager). I appologize for getting that wrong.
You can do this, you're strong enough and you've done nothing wrong. Thinking of you.
OP, I get that you are a passive type person. You need to get angry. You need to be angry that this man is using his position to take advantage of you. He has put you in an awful position with regard to your husband (keeping this from him), your family, your job, and even possibly your license.
Get mad! He next time this guy approaches you, let him see how angry you are. I was just like you, and eventually I just got fed up. I got p***** off and that's when I was able to stop 'letting things happen to me' ( for lack of a better phrase) and take control. Imagine how good it would feel to have some control in this situation?
I'm not condoning violence or outbursts or inappropriate behavior at work, but a little show of emotion can go a long way... Think about it! And please keep reporting and documenting his behavior however you can. Best of luck to you. Be strong, stand up for yourself!
Agreed. It may be a little distasteful to get visibly angry at the workplace, but it can't possibly trump what he has been doing to you. I think all it will take is one perfectly timed, "Ok...you know what? Back the F**K up" from you to get your point across VERY well. Dont give a rats behind about his feelings. Take your power back and establish your dominance.
Specializes in Education, Med-Surg, ED,Nursing Admin..
I agree that failure to act allows this man to continue his behaviors. However, it is imperative that the victim is not "blamed" for continuing to keep silent. Fear, embarrassment, worry about retaliation, even anxiety about having "asked for" the unwelcome attention, are all issues for the victim of sexual harassment.
If you are afraid to step forward, ask a co-worker to accompany you. Report this man to HR, to the police, to the Nursing Board in your state, and to your lawyer!!
First of all, I think you are stronger than you realize. You went to and all the way through nursing school without the support of your spouse and while basically being a single mom. That takes courage and strength. (I could go on and on about what I think about your husband's attitude, but you didn't ask my advise on that one.)
Enlist the help of your coworkers. If I had a person on my unit that I knew was getting bullied, I would make sure that person was never alone with the perpetrator. Find the strongest, most vocal coworker on your shift and let them know what is going on. Then have a code word. I like "sparkle" because it is throwing the the abuse back in his face. So, if your coworker's name is Alice and Mr. Bully comes onto the unit, say, Hey, Alice, your eyes are really sparkling today. Then she knows that she needs to flank you. I would have all my coworkers flank me, to be honest. Code Sparkle, anyone? The minute he sees that he isn't going to be alone with you, he will leave, probably to return and attempt later. But, then your coworkers can rally again.
The hospital administration is probably well aware of this man's predatory behavior. You need to protect yourself. I Don't think it's good enough for you to just get a lawyer. I suggest you get a lawyer with experience and expertise in workplace sexual harassment. The administration needs to know you intend to keep your job "And Not be Harrassed" at work. It's your right. This man is a pig.
You are absolutely not overreacting. Frankly, I'm creeped out by this guy. Tell him to stop immediately and if he doesn't , file sexual harassment immediately
This is accurate. I did it once (non work related) and you should have seen the girls face when I played it back to her. It never even made it to court. Issue was resolved right then. Lol!!
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
Many people have already stated what I would about this: Passivity and ignoring the problem will not stop it. He likely knows exactly what he's doing and relies on your silence (as well as the silence of others that he has harassed). Report him to HR.
Yes you love your job. But this is the kind of situation that gets worse, not better, with time. This supervisor is NOT WORTH your well being and the well being of potential others that he is either currently harassing or will harass in the future if he isn't stopped.
Document each encounter, see an employment lawyer, look for another job. Good luck.
Shelby, BSN, RN
52 Posts
I work next weekend, so I will have more to say then. I am already feeling anxious about what to say and how to handle talking to my supervisor.
I found out that my nursing supervisors are not the boss of my nurse manager. They are on the same hierarchy level but they report to a different boss. My manager of my department only works Monday through Friday (7 or 8 am until 4 or 5 pm). There is always a supervisor working and s/he covers the entire hospital. There are several supervisors to ensure the hospital is always covered, and the qualifications to be a supervisor are greater than a manager (supervisors are required to have at least a masters and more experience). There is a manager for each department in the hospital, so there are multiple managers working each weekday, but there is only one supervisor working at a time.
That is why I thought the supervisor was the boss of my manager. This is not true, as they report to different bosses and are on the same hierarchy level (although some people said they believed a supervisor is slightly higher due to it being more difficult to be a supervisor than a manager). I appologize for getting that wrong.