My own story has many parallels with your own. I left nursing for a lot of the same reasons. I got charged and convicted with felonies for benzodiazepine theft. I let my license expire and the BON suspended it. I went back to college, got a second degree, and attempted to restart in another career.
A few years ago I decided to come back, or at least try to come back to nursing. I started completing the requirements, one by one, including getting a psychiatric evaluation, paying fines, signing a monitoring contract, completing continuing education, etc. I recently applied for Reinstatement, and was granted Probation with conditions. I also got my felony convictions and arrests expunged.
I tried everything I could to leave it all behind, but didn't have much success starting over. Had I faced things with the nursing board when they happened, things today would be a great deal less complicated in terms of getting back to active practice. At the time, I thought I'd never return, didn't want to return, had no plans of returning. I had deviated so far from the ideals I had established for myself during the time I practiced, and was so ashamed, that I felt my only option was to leave. So I did.
Back when all this was happening, and I was facing charges, I was petrified. It was very scary. I had a good support system, and just tried to take one day at a time. At the sentencing, I got Probation and suspended sentences that ran concurrently, ordered to go to treatment and receive an evaluation, court costs/fines. After that, I worked my way through the probationary periods and successfully completed both. Once I did that, I worked as a housekeeper for a time. Eventually I went back to college.
What I'm basically saying is that I get where you're at, and you're most certainly not alone. I shared my story, painful as it is even after all these years, to let you know that you aren't the only one. Had I known that, and had I had access to the forum we now post on, perhaps my story would have taken a different turn.
One thing that has helped me through the years with all this, is to take things one day at a time; another is to realize that the emotions I feel are not who I am. They are a part of my experience, but they are not ME. I let them happen, let them pass through. I find that I remain.
Many of us here have made it through similar things to yours and emerged with better lives. So can you.