I started working weekends in March (I still work weekdays) and the weekend nursing supervisor has been extremely flirtatious towards me. He makes sexually suggestive comments towards me, holds my hand, brushes up against me, rubs my arm, draws smiley faces on my paperwork that I leave at my computer when I am in a patient's room, he has given me his cell phone number and has asked repeatedly why I don't text or call him.
For example I am working on the computer and have my hand on the mouse, he comes up behind me and puts his hand over mine and will then pick up my hand and holds it. He said, "your hands are cold, I can warm you up. Would you like it if I warmed you up?"
One day I offered to help a NA roll a patient in the bed so he could get cleaned up. The supervisor said to me, "you can help me in bed." I said, "I doubt you need help." He said, "you never know, why don't you offer to help me out?"
I was about to use a bladder scanner on a patient and the supervisor took the lubricant, squirted it onto his hand, then rubbed it onto my arm. I was shocked. He said, "I have wanted to put some lubricant on you for a long time." I walked off to get paper towels to clean it up, and he came after me and took the towels and wiped it off my arm.
I was standing at the ER doorway waiting for the ambulance to bring in a patient and he stood beside me and started to tap and rub his foot on my shoe. I said, "Your shoes have sparkles on them. I didn't know you liked sparkles." (I honestly thought he would get offended and stop.) He said, "there's a lot of things you don't know about me. All you have to do is ask. I'd like you to get to know me better."
There are a lot of incidents like this. My coworkers know what's going on and some have said "you just have to know how to take him when he makes comments and he is like that to some nurses." Some have said he has been fired from several jobs because of sexual harassment. Even patients have seen some of this behavior and have said that they think it is wrong (he will come into a patient's room with me to see what I am doing or if I need anything or to just check on me).
I don't want to be rude and I do want it to stop, but I definitely don't want to lose my job. I am seriously afraid to say anything. This is the nursing supervisor, so this is my boss's boss. Part of me thinks I might be overly sensitive and overreacting. I've just never had anyone be like this around me. I have not seen him do this to other nurses. I did hear that he was like this to an ICU nurse years ago, but she no longer works here.
So what do you think? Am I overreacting? Is there anything that I can do? Part of me thinks I just need to deal with it and eventually he will stop.
No, I haven't told him. He travels out of the country all the time and I only see him for a couple of days every 6-8 weeks. This is why I didn't have to work weekends for a long time, because I am the only one that takes care of my kids. I am required to work weekends now because we are short staffed. Everyone at work knows I am pretty much a single parent due to this. My supervisor knows for a fact that I am married. I have told him and he sees my wedding band. I think if I told my husband he would say to quit my job. This is the only hospital close enough to me that I can get my kids to school and still get to work on time. So I feel like I don't have any options for other jobs.
OP. Sometimes it just takes one person to stand up and take a stand. The situation is not going to get better, it will take a lot of courage and guts on your end, but you can get a resolution for this, and keep yourself safe. I think you took a lot of courage to post something. Now, you need to take the next steps. This supervisor does not seem to understand No, and he will escalate.
1. Keep yourself safe
2. Speak with your husband
3. Start keeping good documentation as you have done here
4. Get back-up - lawyer, calling a hot line number so you have resources
5. Contact HR
Just imagine if this was happening to one of your friends, family members, or children, you would want to do anything to help them. You need to reach out farther and extend your net.
Good Luck and please stay safe. Please keep us posted. You have a group that cares
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
No, I haven't told him. He travels out of the country all the time and I only see him for a couple of days every 6-8 weeks. This is why I didn't have to work weekends for a long time, because I am the only one that takes care of my kids. I am required to work weekends now because we are short staffed. Everyone at work knows I am pretty much a single parent due to this. My supervisor knows for a fact that I am married. I have told him and he sees my wedding band. I think if I told my husband he would say to quit my job. This is the only hospital close enough to me that I can get my kids to school and still get to work on time. So I feel like I don't have any options for other jobs.
Can your kids take a bus? You don't have to work in a hospital. Any other job would be great compared to the one you have now since you don't have to worry about sexual harassment & a predator.
If that supervisor knows you are married but your husband is gone most of the time, that would scare me enough to say something - at the minimum!
He already knows what car you drive, it won't take much for him to follow you home & try to take advantage of you. If you don't do anything about this now, things can & will get worse.
I have read every post and thank you for taking your time to comment on this. I will start telling him no and that it makes me uncomfortable. I am a very passive person and I avoid conflict, so this is not easy for me. I'm sure many of you think "what's her problem?" but the idea of me telling a person to stop is very difficult. I am the type that prefers to keep the peace and put up with something rather than cause a scene and then people think badly about me. I am a people pleaser, and I know my personality is doing more harm than good in this situation.
I worked very hard to be able to go to nursing school and become a nurse. I did it without any support- my husband hates that I work and asks me to quit almost every day. I had to threaten divorce to just go to nursing school. Nursing has been a dream of mine for many years, and I needed to do this for me and to be able to not have to rely on someone else to financially support me. I want to be able to take care of myself and my kids on my own if I have to. My husband hates that and I constantly hear about how I am destroying my family and ruining the kids' lives by being so selfish. It is a major sore spot in our marriage, so I don't want to give my husband one more reason to tell me to quit or to be mad about all of this. I need to be able to handle this without him, and I don't see how he would be helpful in any way. He's never around, so it would simply be him talking to me on the phone about it, but I would still like to avoid it if possible.
I will start documenting everything and I think the emails to myself is a good idea. I will try telling him no and not talking to him at all unless it is about work. I will also start walking to my car with others. If I don't see any results, then I will have to go to HR. I thought about going to my nurse manager, but figured that wouldn't so much good since he oversees her too. Our supervisors oversee the whole hospital and cover it 24/7, while there are multiple managers for each department and are there only during normal day time hours (7 or 8am til 4 or 5pm). He is the only supervisor that is hands on and will even stick an IV on a patient if no one else can. All the others are more about paperwork and monitoring everyone. We only have one supervisor working at a time.
I am a new grad nurse and I've only been working here (my first nursing job) for almost a year. I didn't start working every other weekend until March, which is required, and he is the supervisor on the weekends. So those are the only times we work together. I do love my job. It's not like I can simply go get another hospital job that will work so well for my home situation. I have worked very hard to get here and I don't want to lose it.
I will start being firm, start saying no, walking with others to my car at night, and documenting everything. If none of that works, I will have to go to HR. I'm not sure they will do anything because I have been told this has happened before and clearly he still works here and the other nurses don't. So I don't think my chances of being successful are very good.
If he makes a comment suggesting that he wants to "get to know you better" or wants you to call him, tell him "I am married. You are my superior. This is inappropriate and makes me very uncomfortable. Please stop." And then document. EVERYTHING.
Leave it at "This is inappropriate. Stop!"
Clearly this person doesn't have a bit of regard for boundaries, personal work or relationship.
I realize that your in a bad situation but you have to make a choice. If you stay at this job, report him to upper management. Talk to an officer and give them a heads up about the stalker-ish behavior. Get security to escort you to your vehicle. And make it loudly known that this needs to stop, right now.
If it were me, I would be concerned about him following me home or showing up at my home. This is more than just you. This is your safety, and potentially your kids safety being threatened.
Protect yourself. I truly hope you can find a way to resolve this without letting this creep off the hook.
Specializes in M/S, Pulmonary, Travel, Homecare, Psych..
No, I haven't told him. He travels out of the country all the time and I only see him for a couple of days every 6-8 weeks. This is why I didn't have to work weekends for a long time, because I am the only one that takes care of my kids. I am required to work weekends now because we are short staffed. Everyone at work knows I am pretty much a single parent due to this. My supervisor knows for a fact that I am married. I have told him and he sees my wedding band. I think if I told my husband he would say to quit my job. This is the only hospital close enough to me that I can get my kids to school and still get to work on time. So I feel like I don't have any options for other jobs.
Its not unlikely he would. Are you withholding this from your husband because you don't want to hear it (to quit your job)? That's not good. Not lecturing you here but leaving pertinent information unsaid, is lying by omission.
I will return to my original point: You are in an abusive 'relationship' with this supervisor. That you are willing to lie to your husband about it shows that you have an emotional investment in it, one that is unhealthy and unsafe, among other things. You might feel that saving your job is what motivates your passiveness, but it is not.
My guess, from the information you provide us is: The manipulation he's performed has been a success.
You probably on some level believe leaving the job will not stop him, hence you feel you should at least have the job too. Trust me, this thought was nurtured along by the supervisor.
You might feel embarrassed, think you let things go on too long already or whatever. You fear being laughed at or criticized if you tell someone. Part of you is probably saying it is your fault and they will see it that way. Again, this was planted and nourished along by the abuser.
I also wonder if on some level you think you deserve this. With the husband being gone for such long stretches,a lot of responsibility falling on your shoulders and everything life throws at us, its possible you are depressed. Perhaps even you have a sense of guilt for whatever. Again, no doubt this was perpetuated by the abuser. They see this in people like a lion can spot the wounded, easier to catch prey.
I am not a professional, these points are just my opinion. But I do know one thing for a fact:
This problem isn't going to just go away. Don't allow yourself to be naive about this. Its all downhill from here. If the problem isn't dealt with, it will escalate and get worse. There is no ending to this story where you get to ignore it and escape untouched. Especially considering how much you've helped promote it (unknowingly I assume).
Stop gambling with your life, and keep your children safe. That's all I have to say about this.
"Do you see that in fact you are in a situation where you are thinking about "making him mad". It is predatory, abusive, and all the other verbs that go with abuse.
Seek out your local women's abuse group. A counselor there can talk at length with you about a plan, and steps to assist you going forward. And hopefully get you to realize that predators who stalk victims have a very specific agenda, and you need to see this to prevent yourself from getting further caught up in this situation, but going forward. He is grooming you, you are his specific target, and this is very, very dangerous.
Protect yourself. No matter how much you love your job, getting caught up in all this is soul sucking, and not worth your sanity or most importantly, your safety."
GREAT reply and post. The local women's abuse group will help Shelby get the ball rolling and give support and direction. Not sure where Shelby works - there must be an EFAP - employee/family assistance plan - with a contact person. Speak to someone who can help you NOW Shelby. Start documenting. Take measures to keep yourself safe. No job is worth any kind of disability - be it psychological or physical - and certainly not worth your life either. As well - if you get this predator gone and taken care of - he won't be able to do this to other people.Would you want him doing this to your best friend? your Mom? your sister? Get started NOW. Do it for you and do it because it's the right thing to do for everyone!
No question at all here!!! He needed to be reported months ago. This won't get better and this is a clear case of sexual harassment in the work place. Report it ASAP.
I have read every post and thank you for taking your time to comment on this. I will start telling him no and that it makes me uncomfortable. I am a very passive person and I avoid conflict, so this is not easy for me. I'm sure many of you think "what's her problem?" but the idea of me telling a person to stop is very difficult. I am the type that prefers to keep the peace and put up with something rather than cause a scene and then people think badly about me. I am a people pleaser, and I know my personality is doing more harm than good in this situation.
I worked very hard to be able to go to nursing school and become a nurse. I did it without any support- my husband hates that I work and asks me to quit almost every day. I had to threaten divorce to just go to nursing school. Nursing has been a dream of mine for many years, and I needed to do this for me and to be able to not have to rely on someone else to financially support me. I want to be able to take care of myself and my kids on my own if I have to. My husband hates that and I constantly hear about how I am destroying my family and ruining the kids' lives by being so selfish. It is a major sore spot in our marriage, so I don't want to give my husband one more reason to tell me to quit or to be mad about all of this. I need to be able to handle this without him, and I don't see how he would be helpful in any way. He's never around, so it would simply be him talking to me on the phone about it, but I would still like to avoid it if possible.
I will start documenting everything and I think the emails to myself is a good idea. I will try telling him no and not talking to him at all unless it is about work. I will also start walking to my car with others. If I don't see any results, then I will have to go to HR. I thought about going to my nurse manager, but figured that wouldn't so much good since he oversees her too. Our supervisors oversee the whole hospital and cover it 24/7, while there are multiple managers for each department and are there only during normal day time hours (7 or 8am til 4 or 5pm). He is the only supervisor that is hands on and will even stick an IV on a patient if no one else can. All the others are more about paperwork and monitoring everyone. We only have one supervisor working at a time.
I am a new grad nurse and I've only been working here (my first nursing job) for almost a year. I didn't start working every other weekend until March, which is required, and he is the supervisor on the weekends. So those are the only times we work together. I do love my job. It's not like I can simply go get another hospital job that will work so well for my home situation. I have worked very hard to get here and I don't want to lose it.
I will start being firm, start saying no, walking with others to my car at night, and documenting everything. If none of that works, I will have to go to HR. I'm not sure they will do anything because I have been told this has happened before and clearly he still works here and the other nurses don't. So I don't think my chances of being successful are very good.
Is there any way you can switch departments?
I'm sorry you don't get much support from your husband. That makes this situation all the more difficult.
Specializes in Education, Med-Surg, ED,Nursing Admin..
This person is sexually harrassing you. He should be reported immediately to his supervisor, and to the HR officer. There are laws that protect you against sexual harassment at work. You may feel nervous about confronting him personally, but you need to tell him that his behavior is inappropriate, uninvited, and illegal. I am sorry you are having this issue.
Honestly, I would definitely find an attorney- I'm sure expenses come to mind, in addition to your husband and all the dramatics associated with this. But there are those who do not charge for this.
And go to EEOC. You can file a Sexual Discrimnation suit which will put the hospital on notice and they cannot fire for retaliation. They would do an investigation and interview all employees who have been witness. They may even be able to do it annonymous... not sure how feasible that is if you're his only victim at this point. I hope you at least look into this.
The fact that you can't be comforted by your husband must be incredibly difficult. The last thing you need is for this perp to be assaultive towards you. It sounds like you are making a back up plan to your personal life too.
Be strong. Sometimes stepping out of our comfort zone and standing up for ourselves, and doing the right thing is difficult.
Shelby, BSN, RN
52 Posts
No, I haven't told him. He travels out of the country all the time and I only see him for a couple of days every 6-8 weeks. This is why I didn't have to work weekends for a long time, because I am the only one that takes care of my kids. I am required to work weekends now because we are short staffed. Everyone at work knows I am pretty much a single parent due to this. My supervisor knows for a fact that I am married. I have told him and he sees my wedding band. I think if I told my husband he would say to quit my job. This is the only hospital close enough to me that I can get my kids to school and still get to work on time. So I feel like I don't have any options for other jobs.