It's been a while since I opened my laptop up. Even longer since I checked in here. And today I could really use a space to talk where I know people will understand what I'm feeling and dealing with. If this is a tad emotional I apologize now.
I'm still on the same unit. I've been on the floor on my own for just a little over one month now. And it has been a huge struggle. Just acclimating to working overnights and trying to adjust to the units workflow has been a challenge. Add into it that I am on an understaffed, heavy, hectic unit with a mixed bag patient population... It's a wonder I've gotten this far.
This week I have learned that I can not handle 5 patients.
That I must somehow remember patient info spanning the entire admission (as I have been told I am not to write it down. That takes too long and I am too slow as it is.)
That I seriously need to go back to studying labs and the associated need for them.
That despite all the talk of addressing problems with your coworkers first, there are people who will not do that, even if you ask for feedback. They will toss you right into the fire. And most times there is not a thing you can do about it.
I suppose the biggest thing I have learned this week is that I need to take a minute to evaluate my career goals. They may not be attainable at this point. Do I stay on the unit, transfer to another unit, leave the hospital all together?
Heck maybe I should just go back to tending bar and waiting tables. At least there it wasn't a shock to be called incompetent. For the moment I'm going to have a short pity party. And maybe eat a whole box of chocolate donuts.