Nurses as primary breadwinners?

caliotter3 · Aug 5, 2011

Im kind of on the other end of the stick. My wife had always made more then me...about $50k-$60k a year while i earned $8/Hr as a CNA or patient support tech.
I had a stroke and was out of work for a year and a half (partialy due to rehab needs and partially due to the depression I fell into at having a stroke at age 38.l) She stood by me when I entered school, helped pay for it, and stood by me those long months of looking for my first nursing job.
Now I make more then her but you couldnt tell it. She is still the financial brains in the house so she gets 85% of my paycheck. I get 15% or roughly $300+ to do what ever I want with (my allowance). The mortage and bills get paid, we have food in the fridge, kids don't go for want, etc..we're happy.
I bought her a new 2012 Honda Civic and have put in OT just so that we can work on projects around the house such as new floors, lawncare, paint, etc.
I have asked her if she would like to take a break, go back to school and add to her degrees, or just sit at home and be "MoM" for a awhile. She always laughs and says it's tempting but would miss her income even with mine.

You sound like a joy to be around!

ChuckeRN, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

I'm a little bothered by the OP as well.

My wife has been working for the last 2 years while I have been in school and taking care of my three kids. Now that I'm about to start a nursing job, she will be quitting and staying home with the kids. We could make more money by both of us working, but the cost of daycare and time away from the kids is just not worth the extra net income.

Marriage is all about compromising and complementing each other. We each do what we can and live the best way we can. If that means one of us has to work while the other cares for the family, then that's how it has to be.

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Aug 5, 2011

Eh, this is kind of why I plan on raising a family single handedly. I've seen so many guys, my father included, take advantage of hard working, high(er) earning women...it just wouldn't settle well with me being the breadwinner and having the stress of having an unemployed partner.

But that's jmo. If a woman is happy being the breadwinner, good for her.

Chixie · Aug 5, 2011

I am the primary breadwinner, i have no problems with it as we are a team, i would rather he be at home and work part time than sink every penny i earn into child care (which is outrageously expensive) I am more than happy to pick up an extra shift or two if we need it as a, i earn more per hour and b,the overtime is always available. He does the majority of the cooking,cleaning and child care.

He spent months hunting and applying for jobs and finally got lucky.

dudette10, MSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

I've been working with a lot of young (20s-40s) nurses who are the primary breadwinners in their families. Not single women/single Moms, but wives basically supporting their husbands and kids, working overtime to make ends meet. Is there a trend? These husbands are unable to find work or unwilling to work at what they see as menial jobs while the wives are saddled with financial responsibility for the family. It irks me to see my girlfriends worn out at work trying to make extra $ in spite of fatigue, physical illness, being mothers to smal children etc.

Haven't men been doing this for a long time without any moral outrage by their friends?

"I've been working a with a lot of young (20s-40s) nurses who are the primary breadwinners in their families. Not single men/single dads, but husbands basically supporting this wives and kids, working overtime to make ends meet. Is there a trend? These wives are unable to find work or unwilling to work at what they see as menial jobs while the husbands are saddled with financial responsibility for the family. It irks me to see my male friends worn out at work trying to make extra $ in spite of fatigue, physical illness, being fathers to small children, etc."

The "menial jobs" thing...it might not be worth it, depending on the cost of child care.

Despite more employment opportunities for women in the past 30 years, men still must fit a mold in some people's minds to avoid emasculation.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

my sweet husband is 18 years retired from an executive job and has a pension but it's not much in today's dollars. i have had more income than he has for all those years, and if we don't mind in the slightest, why should anyone else? we have a partnership, all we get goes into it, and what we have put into it is all we have.

me, i ain't never gonna get to retire, but that's another thread

Chixie · Aug 5, 2011

Thats another point, for how many years have the women been stay at home mothers whilst the husbands worked 50-70 hour weeks- i dont see the problem as long as the kids are fed,clean and happy.

Florence NightinFAIL, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

I think the OP is saying this because the women are mostly not happy in the position - some of them hold the traditional roles of men & women and resent having to support the family - but circumstances force them to do so.

I have actually seen a nurse work until she actually broke her water during her shift. She didn't like it - but they had a mortgage to pay and no choice.

pinkiepie_RN · Aug 5, 2011

I guess this depends on where you work too, but I think the amount of overtime available can make it easier to make more money than our male counterparts that may work in an office or wherever. Nurses are needed 24/7 and IMHO there are less fields with such opportunity that are stereotypically male career paths. I am the primary breadwinner in my house right now just working 3-12's but my NM is offering bonuses for extra shifts and there's OT galore. I work with several nurses who have 2 FT jobs or at least 1 FT job and work 2-3 per diem shifts a week somewhere else. I think for some women it's a matter of pride in being able to *be* the primary breadwinner and for others it's doing what you have to in order to stay afloat.

Sun0408, ASN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

I am the sole breadwinner in my household; however, I do not work over my 3 shifts a week. I don't kill myself so my hubby can sit on his butt and do nothing.. He does work, part time, why.. because my schedule does not allow me to take the kids to school etc, if I worked days I would not be able to drop them off nor pick them up.. He does that, as well as cook, clean, help with homework, take the kids to functions when I am not there.. This works for us, I can do my job and not worry. He goes to work after dropping the kids off at school and leaves in time to get them..

Although I make the bulk of the money, he does way more than I do in the home and re: the children :)

Sometimes it is not about a man NOT working or wanting too, sometimes it works better for one not to have a full time job.. It is hard for nurses that do shift work to get kids to and from school etc if the other also works 50-60 hours a week...

Don't think they are all doing this because their hubby wont, the way it is for them maybe the way they planned it...

The other posters spoke of the economy, so I have nothing to add..

OCNRN63, RN · Aug 5, 2011

So it irks you...
Who are you to question the family dynamic? Families do what they do in their own relationships. It's their business.
I would focus on yours. You don't want to be the breadwinner? Don't.

Thanks for saying exactly what I was thinking.

tokmom, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

I'm now the primary bread winner because my husband has health issues. With that being said, he stays home and does housework and takes care of the kids. If he suddenly became in control of his health issues, and could work again, I have to say, it would be difficult for me to give up my job. I love it too much. Never thought I would be the PBW or say I love my job, but hey..stuff happens. I'm happy to be making good money and we live middle class.