Nurses as primary breadwinners?

Laboratorian · Oct 15, 2011

I see no problem with this. A family is a team effort.

If I'm clocking 60+ hours a week winning the bread my husband better be baking it, cleaning the oven after cooking it, and feeding it to the kids while I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelax.

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Oct 16, 2011

OP I have heard SO many of my friends & relatives c/o their hubbys being lazy. Don't even bother listening to their complaints and do not get involved with it all.

My ex-best friend's friend's hubby worked - he used to think that was enough. He never helped out with doing dishes, washing, etc. He wouldn't even pick an empty coffee cup off of the table after finishing with it.

My sister ran around after her lazy-a$$ed hubby like he was a baby. He apparently can't work due to 'a bad back', which doesn't stop him helping friend doing building/cement work. They have 4 kids now & he never lifted one finger to help out raising those kids. When he told my sister to go back to work (as they couldn't pay their mortgage), he was forced to care for the kids - he used to give them 2 minute noodles for tea, that's how lazy he was. He used to wait till my sister came home to make him a milo/coffee when she'd been up early with the kids, then she'd work all day. As far as I'm concerned, she made a rod for her own back. That is why I don't listen to complaints from these types of women anymore - especially when they come in to the ED. I cut them off or say the SW will talk to you re that.

My best advice is do not get involved, ever. And when they start to complain, just smile & change the subject. Some women like running after men & make them lazy.

I'm just concerned re the next generation of men & how they are being raised - it quite scares me actually.

juzme · Oct 16, 2011

My husband is the primary breadwinner(he makes WAY more than I do) I was working FT, he was tired of seeing me coming home so tired after my 12 hour shifts that easily at times turned into 14 hours. He asked me did I want to go PT, since he makes very good money and has excellent benefits I now work 14 hours a week near my home for spending money. I love that I can do this.

My kids are grown and gone and we are able to have lunch, etc and I see my friends, cook homemade meals and take care of home and there when my husband comes home from work. I love doing what I want on all of my days off...BUT if I ever had to I would definitely go back FT and then some! We are a family and we would do what we had to, to support our family in any way.

No job is secure these days, as a family we would just adapt..whoever can make the money! I know I am very lucky and appreciate that fact everyday!

Sterren, BSN, RN · Oct 18, 2011

I make more money than my husband, so I guess I'm one of these young breadwinner nurses you're talking about. My husband and I don't really think of it that way, though. We both work the same number of hours, but I get paid more for my time than he does. We both like our jobs and neither of us wants to quit. We both take care of our children. We both wash dishes and fold laundry and go grocery shopping. It's not MY money and HIS money, it's OUR money. I don't really care who makes more money or who is the "breadwinner", we're a team and that's what matters.

Sterren, BSN, RN · Oct 18, 2011

I think the OP is saying this because the women are mostly not happy in the position - some of them hold the traditional roles of men & women and resent having to support the family - but circumstances force them to do so.
I have actually seen a nurse work until she actually broke her water during her shift. She didn't like it - but they had a mortgage to pay and no choice.

I worked up until my water broke too. By choice, twice. I could have started my maternity leave sooner but I didn't want to waste my maternity leave sitting at home being bored waiting around for my baby, I saved that time for after the baby was actually born. Unless she was complaining loudly and often about how she still had to work and how unfair it was that she had to work until she went into labor, you really don't know if she did it on purpose or not.

hiddencatRN, BSN, RN · Oct 18, 2011

My husband worked very hard to support me during nursing school. Tons of OT so I could focus on doing well in my accelerated program. After that, why wouldn't I at LEAST pull my weight? Not doing so would make having supported me (and the additional educational debt) a bad investment.

I now outearn him by about $7 an hour, and he's going back to school now while working a little less. We've talked about how when we have kids, it would probably make sense for him to do school and child care and only work per diem as needed. It was actually a huge relief to me when we made that decision because I was having the hardest time figuring out how day care would work out with both of us working FT hours.

I would be really annoyed if a coworker told me that the choices my husband and I make "irk" her.

linsmirn · Oct 18, 2011

I understand what the OP is saying. If I was married and my husband lost his job, being the breadwinner wouldnt be a problem. Just like how society sees women as supposedly wanting the husband with money theres also a lot of men out there that want the same thing. It makes me laugh when Im on a date and tell the guy Im a nurse and he gets that sparkle in his eye, lol sorry Im old school and I wont be paying your bills. Ive always been picky but more so since I became a nurse, but I have that privilege Im young, no husband and no children.

Back to the OP, she did say these were her girlfrends so she obviously know them on a personal basis, theres more to the story. She probably noticed their significant others not trying to better themselfs.

pedicurn, LPN, RN · Oct 18, 2011

I've been working with a lot of young (20s-40s) nurses who are the primary breadwinners in their families. Not single women/single Moms, but wives basically supporting their husbands and kids, working overtime to make ends meet. Is there a trend? These husbands are unable to find work or unwilling to work at what they see as menial jobs while the wives are saddled with financial responsibility for the family. It irks me to see my girlfriends worn out at work trying to make extra $ in spite of fatigue, physical illness, being mothers to smal children etc.

It's either just the economy and temporary.

Or some of them will be married to douche bags and that's why they are doing all the work.

The number of nurses who are supporting men who are not trying too hard to find employment surprises me. These nurses often have to come home and do most of the childcare and housework too. Mostly these nurses come to understand it's easier to have one less child in their household

RNforLongTime · Oct 19, 2011

My husband was laid off on and off during an almost two year period. If not for my salary( I make twice what he does) we'd have been in the poorhouse fast. I also cover medical and dental insurance for my family(myself, husband and son). TRUST me, hubby tried and tried to look for a job. There weren't really any to be had that paid a fair wage and thankfully unemployment compensation helped to get us through as well.