Nurses as primary breadwinners?

learning08 · Aug 5, 2011

My thoughts exactly.
The OP didn't say the womwn are unhappy, she said she's unhappy that they are in that position.

*They* are unhappy and tired. I sympathize with them. It doesn't affect me personally what their husbands do or don't do.

learning08 · Aug 5, 2011

I think the OP is commenting more so on the fact that society seems to have permanently abdicated the traditional role of "provider" from men without lessening traditional "nuturer/homemaker" role of the woman. It's not "equality" (note to self: step awaaaaay from the soapbox), it's burden shifting (in some cases). It's socially acceptable for a man to not be "the provider", but if Mom rarely makes it to parent-teacher meetings/soccer games because she's always working, eyebrows still get raised. People still see the wife as ultimately responsible for the home and the children no matter how much the husband "helps" and adding the financial burden on top of that is lot for one person, man or woman.

Thank-you, this is exactly what I was thinking when I submitted the original post. It irks me to see my fellow women (specific women I have in mind) overworked, tired, and unhappy. I am not here to judge anybody's lifestyles. I do feel like if a friend of mine is unhappy due to being overworked, picking up OT while pregnant, returning to work at 8 weeks postpartum because the hubs (a healthy type, not overqualified for menial labor) won't get a job, it is normal for me to feel unhappy for her. And yes, I have worked in menial jobs that I was overqualified for and have no problem doing it again.

prettymica, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN, APRN, NP · Aug 5, 2011

A coworker of mine work doubles (16) 5 days a week. She said her husband handled all the money and he takes care of the kids. She never had money for lunch

LG1137 · Aug 6, 2011

What about all the poor husbands who are tired from working OT to keep the family going? Does that irk anybody? Hahaha... One-sided agenda by the OP

OCNRN63, RN · Aug 6, 2011

Thank-you, this is exactly what I was thinking when I submitted the original post. It irks me to see my fellow women (specific women I have in mind) overworked, tired, and unhappy. I am not here to judge anybody's lifestyles. I do feel like if a friend of mine is unhappy due to being overworked, picking up OT while pregnant, returning to work at 8 weeks postpartum because the hubs (a healthy type, not overqualified for menial labor) won't get a job, it is normal for me to feel unhappy for her. And yes, I have worked in menial jobs that I was overqualified for and have no problem doing it again.

Once again, their marriage, their business.

JenniferSews · Aug 6, 2011

Well count me as the primary breadwinner in my 30 something household. :lol2: I am neither unhappy nor settling. In our house it is simple mathmatics and good sound financials. I make more money than my husband with a degree in chemistry and one in microbiology. Apparently science doesn't pay well! He stays home with the kids and works prn 2nd shift. Simply because his potential salary isn't enough to cover daycare for 3 kids.

I do work extra shifts, but not consistently and not to make ends meet. I work extra to pay for a big family vacation or to remodel the kitchen. My children are in good hands and I don't have to worry. If I occasionally work 4 days a week instead of 3 I know they aren't suffering. That extra few days helped finance 7 days of pure family time someplace amazing. Yes, I may occasionally be tired but don't judge me based on what you perceive my life and my decisions to mean.

ETA- I know another woman who is the primary breadwinner as well. For them it is also their choice. She LOVES what she does and thankfully it pays well. He raises the children and neither see any issue with this arraingement. It works for them and they and their children are happy.

Ruas61, BSN, RN · Aug 6, 2011

It's a brave new world.

Having a member does not mean you are going to make the most money nor should it mean you have to.

My S.O. makes 1/3rd of what I do but he is a hardworking honest guy from day one.

We are a little bit beyond hunter gathers.

Florence NightinFAIL, BSN, RN · Aug 6, 2011

I think the OP is commenting more so on the fact that society seems to have permanently abdicated the traditional role of "provider" from men without lessening traditional "nuturer/homemaker" role of the woman. It's not "equality" (note to self: step awaaaaay from the soapbox), it's burden shifting (in some cases). It's socially acceptable for a man to not be "the provider", but if Mom rarely makes it to parent-teacher meetings/soccer games because she's always working, eyebrows still get raised. People still see the wife as ultimately responsible for the home and the children no matter how much the husband "helps" and adding the financial burden on top of that is lot for one person, man or woman.

You said it better than I could. From my mind to your fingers!

mama_d, BSN, RN · Aug 6, 2011

I tried being a SAHM for less than a month before I had to throw in the towel. Just couldn't do it. When hubby got laid off over two years ago, we made the decision for him to be a SAHD unless a decent paying job came along. One never did.

It works for us, although most of my male co-workers think it is eminently unfair to me. As far as I'm concerned, the fact that I get to sleep uninterrupted (usually) between shifts, have a relatively tidy house, and don't ever have to worry about childcare more than compensates for being the primary breadwinner.

Would it be nice to be more financially stable? Sure, but what intangibles would I have to sacrifice for that to happen? Is it worth having hubby work 20+ hours a week at less than half of what I make, compared to me just picking up an OT shift here and there and not having to be concerned with all those other things?

Now, if we didn't have kids, or if he didn't pull his fair share (and then some) now, it would be a different story. We're hoping to be able to scrape by until the youngest starts kindergarten, at which point there will be enough lessening of responsibilities on him that it would be feasible to look into him getting a part-time job.

It works for us...sure, it's a lot of stress on both of us, but no one ever said being married and raising kidlets was easy. I'm happier working full-time compared to being a SAHM, and it's the reverse for him, so I'm just glad that we were able to make lemonade with all the lemons this recession threw at us.

nightengalegoddess · Aug 6, 2011

Can't bear to read through them all! But get the gist! Lots of good men out of work these days. It is great to turn the tables!!! Kids LOVE hanging with DADDY!!! As long as daddy does his part somehow...who cares if it is homeaking or breadwinning! Now, the other side...the co-dependant sort of sick woman who thrives on control.....so she keeps a man operating to his lowest just so she can call the shots.......yuck. That happens too......but not to you....so who really cares????????

kalevra, BSN, RN · Aug 6, 2011

I've been working with a lot of young (20s-40s) nurses who are the primary breadwinners in their families. Not single women/single Moms, but wives basically supporting their husbands and kids, working overtime to make ends meet. Is there a trend? These husbands are unable to find work or unwilling to work at what they see as menial jobs while the wives are saddled with financial responsibility for the family. It irks me to see my girlfriends worn out at work trying to make extra $ in spite of fatigue, physical illness, being mothers to smal children etc.

My family was setup just like how you described it. My mom was an RN and made over $100,000 a year with no overtime. In California that kind of pay is actually common especially closer to the bay area. My dad has an engineering degree but couldnt find work. So he got a job working for a hospice and made maybe 30K. Bright side was he was home by noon so there was always someone at the house. They worked as a team and it all worked out.

Times are changing its no longer the 1950's ish set tup of the man works and the woman stays at home. Now it has more to do with who makes more money. My mom quitting her 100K job and my dad supporting us with his 30K job would not be logical.

MomRN0913 · Aug 6, 2011

I was the primary bread winner. Even after I had my baby., I went per diem 2 nights a week, and still made more money than my ex husband. This was the plan so I could be a SAHM during the week and work on the weekends. The nice man appreciated it so much, he carried on an affair the 2 nights a week I worked, and left me when our daughter was 6 months old!!! I went back to full time, and get crap for child support because I make more money!! I also pay more for childcare because of that.

And now I am unemployed. Which sucks the big one. But I digress.

I know many nurses who are the primary breadwinners. I know nurses who work 2 full time jobs to support their families, because nursing allows it.

Nothing wrong with it at all really. I wouldn't mind if I could make enough money working one full time job as a nurse and having a nice SAHD as a husband who didn't abuse it.