Nurses as primary breadwinners?

ChristineN, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

While my significant other does work, I have always made $20-30k more a year than him. He has a master's degree but works in a dying industry where jobs are scarce and lay offs are plentiful. I must say whenever they do talk of lay offs at his work, I just tell him I can pick up OT and we'd be fine.

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

I don't think it is a trend, this is life. When my soon to be ex-husband lost his job I dropped out of school ( was doing prereqs for RN at the time) and worked OT as a LPN to pay our bills. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I know if the tables were turned he would of done the same for me and have.

I would only be irked if my SO stayed at home watching family guy on the couch with a bag of doritos in his hand qday instead of working or atleast looking for a job.

imagenthings · Aug 5, 2011

I do not have a problem with being a sole bread-winner, especially in these times I am happy to have an income. I love to work. If my husband loses his job because of the sluggish economy, I can pick up the slack. I am thankful for that. If it is the other way around, we expect our husbands to do more. Why can they expect the same from us. If hubby don't want to work, thats different.

This may make me unpopular. So what if a woman is the sole bread-winner and is tired after picking up extra hours? Then she must rest. Schedule life so things can work and you can get some rest and alone time. Hubby has to participate more in the household. Be very firm. Being the sole breadwinnerI comes is the much-demanded bag of equality for both sexes.

We as women have to be able to re-group when things happen.

caliotter3 · Aug 5, 2011

If it is a trend, it is a long term one. When I entered nursing around twenty years ago, every single nurse was supporting her family. Many of them had husbands who did not have a job at all. All members of a generation that came from overseas to fill that elusive "nursing shortage". Have to say that their spouses learned quickly.

itsmejuli · Aug 5, 2011

Welcome to the real world, there are many, many unemployed husbands because of the poor state of the economy.

I can remember my father being out of work sometime in the mid-70s. My mother was working full-time and had 3 kids at home. I was in high school working at McDonalds, she'd borrow money from me to make ends meet. Of course she paid me back.

Katie5 · Aug 5, 2011

Family is team-effort.

It doesn't matter who the sole bread winner is or that the sole breadwinner is female. What matters is that

1. The sole breadwinner( female) does not become overly pompous and shove it down the throat of the other partner.

2. Neither partner begins to feel unappreciated.

3. The non-working partner work or at least pick up the slack (cooking, childcare) of the breadwinner partner, for a time at least.

4. They communicate as openly as possible.

5. The sole-breadwinner has time to relax.

6. ABOVE ALL,THAT THE SOLE BREADWINNER (WHERE FEMALE) KEEPS AWAY FROM FRIENDS THAT CAN SKEW HER THINKING AND FAMILY LIFE.

7. Just breathe:)

It challenges the stereotype( which I happen to love, thank you very much:), of the husband being the breadwinner of the family, takes some getting used to but doable.

imintrouble, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

Being the breadwinner is just one of the lovely curves life has thrown at me. I try to adjust gracefully, but some days it's not that easy. I don't like the fact I have no options as far as jobs go. Some days I feel trapped, knowing I can't quit a job I hate because I have to pay the bills. It's nobody's fault. Life just happens.

EmergencyNrse · Aug 5, 2011

It irks me to see my girlfriends worn out at work trying to make extra $ in spite of fatigue, physical illness, being mothers to smal children etc.

So it irks you...

Who are you to question the family dynamic? Families do what they do in their own relationships. It's their business.

I would focus on yours. You don't want to be the breadwinner? Don't.

chicookie, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

I wouldn't mind at all if its for a good reason.

In all honesty though I don't see what the big deal is. To me, being married/being in a relationship is like being on a team. If one of the team members is having a hard time then you do whatever possible to help. Now if the team member isn't doing their part, you kick them to the curb!

ckh23, BSN, RN · Aug 5, 2011

I've been working with a lot of young (20s-40s) nurses who are the primary breadwinners in their families. Not single women/single Moms, but wives basically supporting their husbands and kids, working overtime to make ends meet. Is there a trend? These husbands are unable to find work or unwilling to work at what they see as menial jobs while the wives are saddled with financial responsibility for the family. It irks me to see my girlfriends worn out at work trying to make extra $ in spite of fatigue, physical illness, being mothers to smal children etc.

I'm actually a little offended by this post. To me it comes off that you are seeing a trend of nurses supporting their family and working themselves to the bone because their husbands are not working. The economy is tough and unemployment is on the rise, just because someone is out of work doesn't mean they are unwilling. When you have a family you do what you have to do. If that means working 60-70 hrs a week to make ends meet than so be it. Your girlfriends are not being "saddled" with the financial responsibility, but perhaps this is the hand they have been dealt in these tough times. It's called sacrifice, and many of us do it out of love for our family.

As far as not working menial jobs, would you take a job working at McDonalds for minimum wage if you were in the same position? There is a type of overqualified unemployment in which there are jobs available, such as fast food places, but someone with let's say a masters in social work would be overqualified to sit there and flip burgers.

I'm more than happy to work 60 hours a week and sacrifice my wife's income so that she can stay home with our son. It is a choice and sacrifice I am willing to make to do what I feel is best for my family. I consider myself lucky to be able to work in a field that pays very well and has overtime available to make extra money when a lot of people are struggling just to find work.

If you are so irked by this, than why don't you donate half of your paycheck to them so they don't have to work as much.

CareteamRN70 · Aug 5, 2011

Im kind of on the other end of the stick. My wife had always made more then me...about $50k-$60k a year while i earned $8/Hr as a CNA or patient support tech.

I had a stroke and was out of work for a year and a half (partialy due to rehab needs and partially due to the depression I fell into at having a stroke at age 38.l) She stood by me when I entered school, helped pay for it, and stood by me those long months of looking for my first nursing job.

Now I make more then her but you couldnt tell it. She is still the financial brains in the house so she gets 85% of my paycheck. I get 15% or roughly $300+ to do what ever I want with (my allowance). The mortage and bills get paid, we have food in the fridge, kids don't go for want, etc..we're happy.

I bought her a new 2012 Honda Civic and have put in OT just so that we can work on projects around the house such as new floors, lawncare, paint, etc.

I have asked her if she would like to take a break, go back to school and add to her degrees, or just sit at home and be "MoM" for a awhile. She always laughs and says it's tempting but would miss her income even with mine.