Nurses as primary breadwinners?

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I've been working with a lot of young (20s-40s) nurses who are the primary breadwinners in their families. Not single women/single Moms, but wives basically supporting their husbands and kids, working overtime to make ends meet. Is there a trend? These husbands are unable to find work or unwilling to work at what they see as menial jobs while the wives are saddled with financial responsibility for the family. It irks me to see my girlfriends worn out at work trying to make extra $ in spite of fatigue, physical illness, being mothers to smal children etc.

Specializes in ICU.

Kinda off topic, but here goes: In the early 70's I wanted to become a physician. All my parents talked about was my brother who was going to med school. My father was adamantly against it and said "You will just get married and have kids. Why don't you just become a nurse instead?" My parents were not going to help me in any way, as they said the male supports the family. They completely talked me out of it. Well, here I am today, divorced and supporting myself on a nurse's salary. My brother, on the other hand, has a wife who does not have to work, and a humongous house with 7 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. If this were today instead of in the early 70's, I would have went to med school anyway, but back then I didn't know of any way to do it, as it was still a male-dominated world back then. Sorry this was really off-topic, but I just wanted to say it.

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I make more than double my husband's salary. After he lost his IT job he never found anything that pays more than 30k a year. My base is 76k so he works less hours and does more around the house. I'm about to start doing OT and he has agreed to take on even more so I can rest in between shifts. My husband's culture is rather chauvinistic so he takes some heat from his friends and family for not being the primary bread winner and for doing so much "women's work" but who cares? We have to do what makes the family work.

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Specializes in ltc, rehab, home health.

I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as the bills get paid and the family is taken care of. Being married or being in a commited relationship is a team effort. When one player is down the other one must go up to bat. My husband is in construction and some months he might make more than I do and other months I make more. What happened to for better or worse?

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Specializes in Geriatrics, med/surg, LTC surveyor.

I have one of those. My husband does not make much money. He could make more but he doesn't. He doesn't care about my health. He only cares about how many hours I work. I am walking out tonight. I have gotten a fulltime job that I like and I am moving on. If I have to work this hard it is for me. Not him.

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Specializes in LTC, med/surg, hospice.

It's only a problem IMO when the people in the household aren't happy with the situation. You have to do what works for your family. I'm sure we can find people at all levels that have some resentment for having to be the breadwinner.

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Specializes in Med Surg - Renal.

Is is OK for us male nurses to be the primary breadwinner?

If so, then it's OK for you ladies too!

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Haven't men been doing this for a long time without any moral outrage by their friends?

*snip*

My thoughts exactly.

Why is it ok for men to be in the position of sole bread winner while a woman sits home?

I think the OP is saying this because the women are mostly not happy in the position - some of them hold the traditional roles of men & women and resent having to support the family - but circumstances force them to do so.

I have actually seen a nurse work until she actually broke her water during her shift. She didn't like it - but they had a mortgage to pay and no choice.

The OP didn't say the womwn are unhappy, she said she's unhappy that they are in that position.

And the nurse who worked until her water broke did have choices. She could have bought less of a house or put off having kids until she could better afford it.

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Specializes in Nursing, Midwifery, Public Health.

As long as he is seriously searching for a job and making every effort to get one, no problem. I will support him. If he is just being lazy and selfish, oh my goodness, out d door my support goes!

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I'm a little bothered by the OP as well.

My wife has been working for the last 2 years while I have been in school and taking care of my three kids. Now that I'm about to start a nursing job, she will be quitting and staying home with the kids. We could make more money by both of us working, but the cost of daycare and time away from the kids is just not worth the extra net income.

Marriage is all about compromising and complementing each other. We each do what we can and live the best way we can. If that means one of us has to work while the other cares for the family, then that's how it has to be.

I think the OP is commenting more so on the fact that society seems to have permanently abdicated the traditional role of "provider" from men without lessening traditional "nuturer/homemaker" role of the woman. It's not "equality" (note to self: step awaaaaay from the soapbox), it's burden shifting (in some cases). It's socially acceptable for a man to not be "the provider", but if Mom rarely makes it to parent-teacher meetings/soccer games because she's always working, eyebrows still get raised. People still see the wife as ultimately responsible for the home and the children no matter how much the husband "helps" and adding the financial burden on top of that is lot for one person, man or woman.

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If my husband acted like yours I would walk out too! Good luck to you Ginger.

I have one of those. My husband does not make much money. He could make more but he doesn't. He doesn't care about my health. He only cares about how many hours I work. I am walking out tonight. I have gotten a fulltime job that I like and I am moving on. If I have to work this hard it is for me. Not him.
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Specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN.

I have been the major breadwinner in our family for over 15 years-it is was it is and we are fine with it!

My husband has fantastic benefits so that makes up for his very poor wage.

When we came to OH he couldn't find any work for 6 months so when he got his job we were very very grateful now we are so so happy

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Eh, this is kind of why I plan on raising a family single handedly. I've seen so many guys, my father included, take advantage of hard working, high(er) earning women...it just wouldn't settle well with me being the breadwinner and having the stress of having an unemployed partner.

But that's jmo. If a woman is happy being the breadwinner, good for her.

You're only 19, get a little older and see how this talk sounds to you then. Granted your views may have been shaped by your growing up life, but I bet it will still change,

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