Funny Ranting

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Hello, wonderful school nurses! I am doing a fun project with my fellow staff members in the school system and I am looking for a little help. I'm doing a compilation of "the things we say most" in the school-based field. What are some of the things you find yourself saying frequently, either to yourself, students, teachers, or parents? For example, I find myself saying things like "I can't believe they sent her/him to school" or "You're fine. Go back to class." quite frequently as well as muttering to myself "please don't be lice" or "not another peanut allergy" when I'm going on a rant. Let me know in the comments!

P. S. This is supposed to be a "funny" list/Rant list. Please don't take it too seriously.

Specializes in School Nurse.

No, you can't go home for cramps, it's a natural part of life, and you will have to deal with it until you are like 50...:nailbiting:

No you cannot get out of class to get an ice pack for an injury that happened a week ago.

It's only allergies, you will survive this.

Drink water and eat breakfast/lunch. It will help with most headaches and stomachs.

Put your phone and ear buds away, you are in the clinic because you say you don't feel well.

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"I know you feel uncomfortable but part of growing up is learning to get through the school day even when you don't feel 100%. Go back to class," when referring to colds, sore throats, coughs, menstrual cramps, boo-boos, bruises, that small itchy spot on the bottom of their foot etc.

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Specializes in School Nursing, Ambulatory Care, etc..

When was the last time you pooped? Was it a normal poop?

Did mom give you medicine this morning? What colour was it?

Not me, but my health assistant:

"Is that a reason to leave class?" or "A loose tooth is not a reason to be out of class."

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Specializes in Med-surg, school nursing..

"Want me to cut it off?"

"Did you tell anyone at home (about ailment)?"

"Try to go poop."

"Flush the toilet."

"Wash your hands."

"Dry your hands."

"Walking feet."

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Specializes in Telemetry, Gastroenterology, School Nrs.

"You just got to school"

"Mom did not mean come straight to the clinic when she said try"

"If you haven't thrown up and haven't been to the bathroom a bunch of times, you gotta go back to class."

"Did you eat breakfast?"

"Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"Every bump and bruise does not require an ice pack."

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Specializes in Peds, School Nurse, clinical instructor.

I am not sure what exactly you would like me to do about that?

Sooooo, the light bothers your headache but your constant texting does not?

I am very sorry you did not like what you had for lunch today but my snacks are for my kids with diabetes.

No, you cannot sleep in here because you stayed up to late playing video games.

No, I cannot call your job and tell them you are sick because you want to go out tonight

Yes, I am serious, if you don't return my ice pack...you get put on my no ice list!

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Specializes in School nursing.

This exchange:

"I want to go home."

"Well, I want a million dollars, but I don't think either of us is going to get what we want today."

I work with the older uses so sarcasm is my friend :).

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Specializes in kids.
This exchange:

"I want to go home."

"Well, I want a million dollars, but I don't think either of us is going to get what we want today."

I work with the older uses so sarcasm is my friend :).

Me too...all day long!

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"Today we are going to work on sucking it up".

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Specializes in IMC, school nursing.

"Looks like an amputation is in order", "would you stop playing if this happened at home?", "drink lots of water, 2 water bottles, to liquify the snot". Top 3, definitely.

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Specializes in Psychiatry.
"Honey, it's just a pad and it's just us. You don't have to act like you're going 007 to get one. Here."

"Baby... it's just a small cut, you are not going to die right now. No I'm serious, you won't die for a small cut. Here's a bandaid."

"Mija, we talked about this.... just because we are having fun, doesn't mean we will forget about going potty and peeing ourselves."

"Ay dios mio! Why?! Mijo! I told you! Okay... you know what. Tu vas a hablar a tu mama, you're going to call your mom and tell her what's going on. She already knows, and we talked about it. I know she's going to be mad, that's why I'm doing it so it can get through your head. If I was your mom, no manches, you would get the chancla."

This is probably one of the funniest threads I've seen here. Keep them coming. Amethya, I could honestly picture these scenarios. 😂😂😂

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Specializes in ED, School Nurse.

"I can't fix nausea."

"I need more information than 'I'm sick'." Said almost always after student announces "I'm sick" in a pathetic voice and then stands there looking at me expectantly for 5-10 seconds.

"I don't have x-ray vision so I can't tell if your is broken."

"If this has been an issue for you for 2 weeks and you haven't talked to your parents about it, what do you expect me to do about it?"

"There's always something going around." Answered in response to "I feel awful, is there a stomach bug going around?"

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