Funny Ranting

[mariarico]

Hello, wonderful school nurses! I am doing a fun project with my fellow staff members in the school system and I am looking for a little help. I'm doing a compilation of "the things we say most" in the school-based field. What are some of the things you find yourself saying frequently, either to yourself, students, teachers, or parents? For example, I find myself saying things like "I can't believe they sent her/him to school" or "You're fine. Go back to class." quite frequently as well as muttering to myself "please don't be lice" or "not another peanut allergy" when I'm going on a rant. Let me know in the comments!

P. S. This is supposed to be a "funny" list/Rant list. Please don't take it too seriously.

[Amethya]

This is probably one of the funniest threads I've seen here. Keep them coming. Amethya, I could honestly picture these scenarios. í ½í¸‚í ½í¸‚í ½í¸‚

lol, I didn't know you guys would like it that much xD.

"Now dear, my office is not a place to hide from class. No I know that class can be boring, trust me I get a lot of you in my office from there, but that doesn't excuse it. If I had to deal with this crap too, you have to too. If I understand why then why I don't help you? Because I love to see you suffer like I did. ... Go to class, or you'll fail and you won't go to the next grade."

"Please return my ice pack or I'll come after you like the mafia until you return it. Yes I know where you live... either that or you get me $5 for it."

"So... Why did you stab yourself with a straw in your nose? You were laughing? *facepalms* Mijo, I swear.... why?"

[iggywench, BSN, RN]

"This is not a hotel. No, you can't sleep in the cot room if someone is not coming to get you"

"I don't have x-ray vision, and can't tell you if it's broken"

"Blow your nose instead of sniffing, and drink lots of water"

"Your stomach hurts? Let's take your temp, and I'll give you a peppermint to suck on"

"You've been feeling bad for how long? What are you doing for it at home?"

[NutmeggeRN, BSN]

I'm pretty sure your mom or dad are not going to kill you for having fender bender...

[nursekoll, BSN, RN]

"No blood; no bandaid. Go back to class."

"Drink extra water. Not like 2 extra gulps from the fountain, but like 4 bottles of water. Today. Everyday. Trust me, it will help."

"The student may not return to school until 24 hours after the last vomit/diarrhea/normal temperature reading."

[Amethya]

I had one yesterday... "You did what? You ate... pen ink? why? Like for real why? Because you wanted to?"

[schoolnurse61]

You hurt yourself last night playing football, jumping on your trampoline, riding your bike etc etc etc.... I left my magic wand at home today so you're gonna have to tough it out. Our bodies are amazing healers!

Did you tell your mom you hurt yourself last night? No... why not?

What did you do without your school nurse all summer? How did you survive?

What do you do for a mosquito bite a home? (mosquitos are BAD in our area now)

What did your mom say about you throwing up this morning....she said to try it. Ummm its 8:05 that's not trying...back to class you go!

[BunnyBunnyBSNRN, ASN, BSN]

It's not possible that it hurts worser since worser is not a word.

[Glitternurse, LVN]

If it's been hurting for 3 days and you haven't told your parents it can't be that bad, back to class

[Amethya]

You want to go home? Omg, me too. But sadly I can't, so I'm sucking it up and I suggest you do the same.

[kidzcare]

"I need more information than 'I'm sick'." Said almost always after student announces "I'm sick" in a pathetic

Kid: I don't feel good.

Me: In what way do you not feel good?

[BrisketRN, BSN, RN]

Kid: "I'm sick"

Me: "Ok what feels sick?"

Kid: "Me"

Then my eyes roll off onto the floor & out the door.

[linda1959]

Maybe you should skip recess . . . .