Funny Ranting

[mariarico]

Hello, wonderful school nurses! I am doing a fun project with my fellow staff members in the school system and I am looking for a little help. I'm doing a compilation of "the things we say most" in the school-based field. What are some of the things you find yourself saying frequently, either to yourself, students, teachers, or parents? For example, I find myself saying things like "I can't believe they sent her/him to school" or "You're fine. Go back to class." quite frequently as well as muttering to myself "please don't be lice" or "not another peanut allergy" when I'm going on a rant. Let me know in the comments!

P. S. This is supposed to be a "funny" list/Rant list. Please don't take it too seriously.

[BeckyESRN]

If your ankle, knee, elbow, belly, head, ect. hurt that bad, you would not be able to continue flossing like that...

Sooo over the Fortnight dances!

[ABRN2012]

Me talking to teachers about 95% of the things they send students for ..."Well there isn't a whole lot I can do about that."

This is not a medical problem!

They cant just put on a freakin bandaid?

There is not a thing I can do about possible bed bugs.

No it is not chicken pox. eye roll (any rash is "looks like chickenpox" but in our state you have to be fully vaccinated before allowed to enter school no exceptions but medical so highly unlikely it will ever be chickenpox)

Why did they send you to the nurse for that?

Lets take your temp, yep no fever sorry you feel bad but you can't go home.

I know that we see each other at least once a week but we really need to try and cut down on the office visits unless its an emergency.

I do a lot of eye rolls.

The next time you call me for one of these frequent flyers they had better be unconscious on the floor! I am not playing around!

[ABRN2012]

I had one yesterday... "You did what? You ate... pen ink? why? Like for real why? Because you wanted to?"

I had one last year that did the same thing. Bad thing is the principal is the one who brought him to me and had a panicked look on his face. That principal was notorious for bringing students to me for non-medical issues or petty things and dropping them in my office and then not saying a word just standing there. I took one look at the kid and his blue mouth and tongue and said lets flush with water. And so we flushed and flushed and flushed. Principal still standing there with that stupid look on his face. I said he will live but that seems like a behavior issue and I do not deal with behavior.

[ABRN2012]

Oh I forgot one... "No its just pencil lead. That is made of graphite not actual lead. You will not get lead poisoning. People have lived their whole life with a pencil lead in their hand. It will have to work its way out." I send the student to wash hand and back to class. 5 seconds later teacher calls panicked and I have to repeat the whole thing over again.