Funny Ranting

[mariarico]

Hello, wonderful school nurses! I am doing a fun project with my fellow staff members in the school system and I am looking for a little help. I'm doing a compilation of "the things we say most" in the school-based field. What are some of the things you find yourself saying frequently, either to yourself, students, teachers, or parents? For example, I find myself saying things like "I can't believe they sent her/him to school" or "You're fine. Go back to class." quite frequently as well as muttering to myself "please don't be lice" or "not another peanut allergy" when I'm going on a rant. Let me know in the comments!

P. S. This is supposed to be a "funny" list/Rant list. Please don't take it too seriously.

[pedi_nurse]

"You're going to have to tough it out." and "It makes you feel like crap, but you are going to be okay."

I'm at a middle school. I try to be kind, but am grateful I can be a little more blunt with this age.

[ro2878, ADN, BSN]

"You really think you need ice for that?"

[Heylove, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

Not a school nurse, but an adolescent psych nurse.

I say "drink more water" for just about everything.

[BeckyESRN]

"You'll survive, I promise" usually for nearly invisible scratches and such.

"Yes, but why are you here?" after several minutes of unrelated rambling that, in no way, indicates to me what is wrong.

"Mommy said to try, walking directly to the nurse's office is not trying" said before the tardy bell even gets a chance to ring

[UrbanHealthRN, BSN, RN]

"Is everybody alive? (Yes.) Looks like we're already having a good day then!"

And, when I'm checking out a a kid or staff member's injury/illness/ailment, I'll usually reassure them at the end by saying "Looks like you're going to live!"

I guess I really like to see all my charges make it to the end of the school day.

[Amethya]

"Okay... then why did you do this IF you knew you would get hurt? Because it was funny? Ha.... no."

"Honey, it's just a pad and it's just us. You don't have to act like you're going 007 to get one. Here."

"Baby... it's just a small cut, you are not going to die right now. No I'm serious, you won't die for a small cut. Here's a bandaid."

"Mija, we talked about this.... just because we are having fun, doesn't mean we will forget about going potty and peeing ourselves."

"Ay dios mio! Why?! Mijo! I told you! Okay... you know what. Tu vas a hablar a tu mama, you're going to call your mom and tell her what's going on. She already knows, and we talked about it. I know she's going to be mad, that's why I'm doing it so it can get through your head. If I was your mom, no manches, you would get the chancla."

FYI, I'm 27 and I legit go through the hispanic mom talk and then cool big sister talk... It's a weird thing I do. xD

[k1p1ssk, BSN, RN]

"How does an ice pack sound?"

erry day, all day!!

[Amethya]

My favorite: "I will not give you an excused absence because you called your mom on your cellphone instead coming to me."

[KeeperOfTheIceRN, ADN]

"Have you pooped today?"

"No, my icepacks have to stay in the office or else they get lost on their way home..."

"Yes. As a matter of fact I DO think eating lunch will help your stomach feel better as you've already said you haven't eaten today..."

"No. Chapped lips are not a reason to call home"

"Might I suggest wearing a helmet?"

"Please quit eating the flowers outside..."

[Cattz, ADN]

I am loving this thread! Such a great time for a Monday morning chuckle! So, so true on so many levels!

"Have you washed it with soap and water???"

"I don't think that needs and ice pack, just stop by the bathroom and get a cool wet paper towel to hold on it. When it doesn't feel cool anymore, just throw it away and your...whatever it was that didn't need and ice pack...will be feeling better!"

Student:...But it hurts when I touch it...Me: Then, don't touch it, sweetie".

Happy Happy Monday Friends!!

[denstar]

I think I need to add you to my 'bubble wrap' list. We'll just wrap you up in it, and then you won't get hurt so often.