Co Worker and snide comments

[Jaybird310]

So this is like a vent/help I've got here. So I have a co worker that I feel has crossed the line with her remarks and I'm not entirely sure how to handle it. She was only hired about a month ago and it seems as if she took an immediate disliking to me, and in all honesty due to the nature of her comments I believe her disliking comes from the fact that I'm male.

Within her first week on the job she point blank asked me, in front of other co workers some of whom are very good friends of mine, if I hit women. This was after she had walked in on me and a female coworker who's also a good friend horsing around during a break. I answered the question and my friend took up for my defense, however she refused to drop the issue for weeks. I have never hit a women in my life and didn't like being accused of such especially by someone I barely know.

That was the first comment but today I feel as if she really crossed the line. My best friend and his family were in town visiting this weekend and stopped by the hospital on their way out to say goodbye. My best friend has three beautiful children, two girls and a boy to which I'm the God father. Well apparently this woman saw me with them and used it as another way to attack me. When I came back in she passed a comment in front of several coworkers and my supervisor that I 'seemed a bit too close with that little girl' which must have been a reference to me carrying my oldest God daughter outside.

Now that comment really set me off because I'd die for those kids, I love them dearly and I also have my own child on the way so for anyone to imply I'd hurt a child really upsets me. Another thing is her making a comment like this in front of co workers and my supervisor could very well hurt me professionally. I work in ER now but have worked in Peds ER and I'm currently in school to get my NP in Pediatrics.

Maybe I'm over reacting by being so upset but it seems as if she's trying to professionally sabotage me. Now I've dealt with hostile co workers but never like this woman, has anyone else every dealt with a hostile co worker of this nature? How do you handle it while maintaining a civil working environment?

[ohmeowzer RN, RN]

i would write all this down and head to adminstration, and i would demand a meeting with her and your supervisor ... i would nip this in the bud now ... what nerve she has... you keep track of all her comments in a book when they are said and you make sure she knows she is on notice for any further comments.. do not talk to her alone make sure the DON and supervisor are there and let her know you mean business and she needs to keep her mouth shut...

some people have no cuth...

[uscstu4lfe]

yup, report her,

[flightnurse2b, LPN]

oh my.... it sounds like she is really out of control. if i were you i would be as professional as possible (and it sounds like you are) and only work near her when you absolutely have to (which in the ED is sometimes very difficult).

i would keep records of everything she says to you and bring them to the attention of the nurse mgr. you guys need to have a mediated meeting in where you and her and an administrator and a nonbias HR person are present. i would try to be assertive while not being defensive and let her know that her comments are unwarranted and hurtful. see what her rebuttle is.

im sorry this is happening to you and i wish you the best.

[heron, ASN, RN]

Frankly, she sounds like someone with a history ... and she's trying to make it your problem.

You've already taken the first step and defended yourself on the spot at the time of an incident. Doesn't seem to have done much good.

The next step, it seems to me, is a mediated meeting with a manager or supervisor. This co-worker is effectively creating a hostile workplace ... which is actionable these days and something mgmt needs to put in check.

Petty as it may seem, start a log of incidents. If mgmt does not act, you may need outside legal advice.

Having a "history" myself, I can see how someone who has undergone abuse or worked as an advocate for abused people can jump to unjustified conclusions. The "index of suspicion" climbs to unreasonable levels sometimes. This does NOT excuse the behavior you are describing in any way.

Snotty remarks intended to destroy your reputation are completely inappropriate, even if your co-worker honestly believes you are some kind of abuser.

My gut sense is that she (I assume) has some difficult stuff in her own background and has not learned how to deal with the anger. Either that or she's got a major personality disorder. Either way, it cannot become your problem ... take action.

Feel free to PM me if I can help.

[debi49]

THis is over the top. To insinuate that you abuse women and are a child molester is slanderous. There ARE women who lump all men into the "men are pigs" category and seem to get away with it. Yet they would scream bloody murder if a man tarred all women with the same brush. Give her a wide berth, and keep track of her comments. My guess is that you are well liked so you'll have plenty of witnesses.

Your supervisor should have stepped in when she made the comment in front of her.

[RNDreamer]

It's time to put an end to this before it somehow turns into an accusation of you doing something to her.

[racing-mom4, BSN, RN]

THese are more than "Snide" comments. I was thinking this was going to be another whiney post about so and so is complaining because I got down timed and they didnt etc etc etc.

This is slander. Had she had said those comments about a Dr and she would be fired. If you would have said comments about her "being too close to the male patients" you would have been written up for sexual harasment.

Part of me wants to tell you to directly confront her next time she makes a comment like that, but that will most likely only add fuel to her fire. I agree wtih the others in document everything and bring it to your Mgr/Hr/Admin attention. If she is saying this about you, what else is she saying?? She is a lose cannon with apparent and obviouse issues. Heck point blank she is a liability at your hospital.

Also make sure you are diligent in your patient charting/wasting of narcs and anything else she could set you up for. She is out to get you and is just getting started. Watch your back!! and Best of Luck!!

[leosasha]

How ugly! I agree that the manager should have intervened. Her remark was conpletely innappropriate. Better get that shut down ASAP. I would consider her a disruptive employee. She is creating a hostile work environment. Personally, I would document all incidents as well as who was witness. I would confront her myself 1 time (also in front of witnesses). If I got no resolution I would go to the manager and HR. At best the remarks are in extremely poor taste. At worst, they are malicious.

[oramar]

I am sometimes advised people to ignore nasty remarks but this goes to far. Rumors and accusations like this woman has made can absolutely ruin a persons life. You have to stop her.

[heron, ASN, RN]

And do let us know how it turns out ...

[ShayRN]

I would go straight to you manager and HER boss, since she didn't speak up the first time. This is beyond snide. I would tell them both, This will stop, now. I agree with all others. Watch your back. She is certifiable.