So, lately, I have been thinking about where I want to be in my career. While I'm not 100% sure where I would like to end up, I do know that my current situation is not one in which I wish to be in forever. I currently work two jobs, one as a nurse and one as a tech. The tech job has become so simple that it's becoming very routine and there are few challenges left for me in the area. While I greatly enjoy everyone that I work with, the job itself is not as fulfilling as I would like.
My other job is as a nurse at a rehab/ltc facility. While my basic nursing skills have greatly improved, I also feel that there are still more things to learn from this job, and am considering investing more time in this job so I can expand my skills and nursing knowledge. I am also considering switching departments at my one job so I am working as a nurse, and not a tech. I feel that I am ready to challenge myself in a different area of nursing.
The thing is, in order to do these things, I probably would have to lead my tech job. And there comes the dilemma: I am currently dating someone who I am working with in that area. While we greatly enjoy each other's company and share many interests, I am concerned that my attempts to advance my career may result in the loss of the relationship.
Truth is, while we talk with each other a lot, it seems to be mostly work related. While I try and open myself up, my boyfriend does not seem to reveal a lot about himself. In fact, sometimes I find out things about him from coworkers, and not him. When we are texting back and forth, it is generally me doing most of the talking. I generally have to initiate most of the contacts, including coming up with ideas for dates. He does not seem to have many interests, and has very little personal information to contribute to discussions. He also seems to lack ambition and passion for anything.
At the same time, he is a great guy that treats me well. Most of our friends and family feel that we are a great match, although my mom suspects that this may be more of a friendship than a serious relationship. We get asked a lot when we are getting married or having children.
I would feel bad if I chose to move on and my plans ended up not including him, especially since he is a very nice person. It would also mean that I would probably be single again, and with my 27th birthday coming up, time is running out to find someone to marry. At the same time, my desire to have a successful nursing career came LONG before I met him.
So I guess I'm a little mixed. Do I continue in my current positions so I can be sure that I am still in a relationship? Or do I go for the career that I have worked very hard for and continue to work hard for, and risk losing the relationship?
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I'm just worried people would think less of me if I chose to move on, because they really like us both. Also, the guy has done nothing wrong and treats me well, so I'm worried it will be seen selfish and heartless if I choose my career over him. He really doesn't have much going on in his life, and people say that I seem happier now that I'm with him.
If this man isn't right for you, he isn't right for you. Why should anyone think less of you for moving on from a relationship that isn't right? MOST relationships end, even about half of the relationships that lead to marriage end. Stop worrying about what other people might think and worry about what's right for youl
This guy doesn't sound as if he's that into you, anyway . . . you do most of the talking, doesn't reveal himself to you, you have to do the planning. Be kind, but break it off. 27 is young; there will be other opportunities.
I guess I'm not understanding why exactly you have to stay at this job and not pursue your ambitions just to stay with this guy. Why can't you move on and still be in a relationship? Is he really that incapable of talking about nothing other than work with you?
I'm genuinely not trying to be an ass, but, this isn't high school, you aren't moving to another school and being "forced" to leave your sweetheart behind by parents. You're a 27-year-old woman who calls the shots of who is and isn't in your life. You can get off work and still go hang out with him, it doesn't have to be exclusively at work that you hang out.
And if it's the type of relationship where you do have to exclusively work with him to make it "work", well, you have your answer on what you should do as far as this relationship goes.
As other PP's have stated, sounds like you have answered your own question, you just need to choose whether you are going to act.
For the sake of your happiness, even if it means leaving your comfort zone, for God sake be happy and live life the way you want it and find a man who is just as infatuated with you as you are with him--a man who will initiate a conversation with you, who will make you sit through his corny favorite TV shows because he loves them so much he wants to share them with you. You should settle for nothing less.
Something else I'll pose to you as you have expressed interest in settling down one day soon. Can you see this guy fathering your children, being their role model (with his lack of ambition and failure to be open with you)? It sounds silly I'm sure, but you bet your behind I had this conversation with myself not only before I chose to marry my spouse, but also years later when I decided I wanted him to father our children. There are no guarantees in life of course, but, not necessarily a bad place to start when trying to assess the validity of this relationship.
Just don't hold yourself back from what will make you happy & fulfilled. Live with no regrets. Good luck.
Ooh, good points. The thought that finality prompted me to get out of a terrible relationship (that I was DETERMINED to keep) was, "If I had a daughter, would I be happy to see her with someone exactly like this?" If the only thing going for this guy is that he's nice to you, I'd bet you'd want more for your child. Please remember that you deserve that too. It's okay to end a relationship for all of the reasons you described, even if no one's getting hurt. It's hard to do when you don't exactly know what the right person will look like, act like, and feel like to you, but trust me, when you find someone who is wonderful toward you and beings out the best you there is, you'll recognize it very quickly. Have the courage to set yourself up for that.
First off, YOU ARE ONLY 26...there is NO RUSH! When I was 26 I bought my first house, by myself, and did things I WANTED for ME! I had boyfriends at the time, but nothing committed, and it sounds like you do not have a committed relationship either.
I would move on with your career in the direction you want. Once you are married and have kids, it becomes harder to do, so do what you want NOW that you are single! DOn't be in a rush, there are plenty of good men out there, you will find one that is right for you AND supports your interests and treats you well. As far as this BF goes, he either supports you or he doesn't. But don't make your choice based on him because he treats you well, he is not fully committed to you. And I really don't think he treats you all THAT well if you don't know his TV shows, his taste in music and YOU make all the plans, he should have some ideas too.
That's where the lack of interests come in--not only does he not come up with that many suggestions about what to do when we go out, but when we do our conversations are basically just about what has happened at work.
It's baffling to me how you could make the statement above AND say there is any thought of marrying this guy. "I need to find a man to marry" is a really poor reason to make an allegedly lifetime commitment.
First off... this isn't a relationship. A relationship is both people talk and initiate conversation.
It seems like you don't want to leave the Tech job because YOU want to talk with this guy. Relationships function even if you are not at the same place. Talking with someone everyday at work is just that. A relationship is doing things outside of work, planning trips, adventures, dinners out.
He is sending you signals that he does not feel the same as you. This is evident in his lack of sharing. Friends even share things, I know about my friends, their families, likes, dislikes, we go out to dinner. I talk with my friends send them texts,and they do the same to me. From your description what you have is a co-worker who you like to talk to, from the description it doesn't sound like a friend, especially since you are initiating all contact.
Spread your wings, if this "relationship" is good, you do not need work place to talk, you will be able to find other places, like dinner, movie, hikes, etc.
You should be gaining RN experience. I would be very wary of this tech job and it could hurt you in the long run especially if you want to continue growing as a nurse. It could even affect your license if something happens and you do not respond at the level of license.
Did you really expect to come here and get people telling you to hold your career back for a relationship you're staying in because you're worried about what other people will think??
OP, forgive me if I am making incorrect assumptions, but based on your description, this relationship sounds very unfulfilling. Does the man refer to you as his girlfriend, or is the relationship not exclusive?
At first, I found it hard to relate to how you think you are running out of time to find a husband. I am 33, single, and in no rush! I usually prefer my solitude to the company of others. I would be happy to have a life partner as long as I am in love with them and my life would be better with him than without him.
Having said that, I remember being 26 and having the man I thought I would marry break up with me. He did me a favor, but at the time, I thought my life would never be good. My advice is: give yourself time, learn who you are and what makes you happy, and make sure you really know and can respect the person you decide to be with. Also, if they don't show you that they love and respect you, it isn't worth it.
There's been pleny said here about relationships. As for the tech career vs nursing, I'm in the same dilemma... or was, anyway. In the high-tech world I was making making money hand-over-fist. But the bottom dropped out. I needed a career that isn't so up & down. Technical work is like a roller coaster. Nursing has kept me employed and the pay is sufficient. Not sure if I'll ever hang up my stethoscope for the lure of something else.
I have two jobs. One of my jobs I work as an ECG Tech and the other, I work as a registered nurse. They are two different employers. I honestly never thought about any liability issues working as an ECG Tech as I have worked the job for three years and have done very well. I'm not worried about doing anything that would cause me to lose my license.
As for discussing any of this with my boyfriend, I have not, because it is very difficult to talk about anything that doesn't relate to work.
Even if you are working as an EKG Tech, you are a licensed nurse. Suppose you are with a patient who arrests? You will be expected to initiate Code procedures, would you not? And you know that RN's are held to higher standards than EKG Techs. So if anything went wrong, it is possible you are going to be blamed for not behaving as a prudent RN would behave in any given situation.
It's hard for you to talk to him and I think you have your answer as to what to do. Start meeting some people, start pursuing a couple of new interests - take up coin collecting and go volunteer at your local free clinic or homeless shelter. Seriously - do find some new interests and meet some new people. That way, you won't have to make a big decision about whether or not to continue pursuing your friend. I wish you all of the best.
I have heard the concerns about working below your license voiced here often, and I think it is overblown.
I am an RN and and EMT. I can work as an EMT.
While working as an EMT, that is my scope of practice.
I suppose if something goes wrong, somebody might try to hold me to a higher standard- and they would probably be right too do so. As an experienced RN, my knowledge base is higher than most other basic EMTs. That doesn't mean I should be practicing ACLS.
As fa as the staying in the job for the guy? Only comment here is more of an observation about us guys. We really don't change all that much, and aren't moldable. So, if the characteristics you described are what you are looking for, great.
Ok, so at my work, I actually know a nurse and tech who date and are great. So it's totally possible. BUT, you sound a LOT LIKE ME, so listen up. Don't just stick with a guy cuz you don't want to hurt him if the chemistry isn't there (which it sounds like it's not). Who cares if your 27? 30 is the new 25. Ditch the baggage, become a FULL-TIME NURSE, and you'll find your prince charming when it's right.
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
If this man isn't right for you, he isn't right for you. Why should anyone think less of you for moving on from a relationship that isn't right? MOST relationships end, even about half of the relationships that lead to marriage end. Stop worrying about what other people might think and worry about what's right for youl
This guy doesn't sound as if he's that into you, anyway . . . you do most of the talking, doesn't reveal himself to you, you have to do the planning. Be kind, but break it off. 27 is young; there will be other opportunities.