So, lately, I have been thinking about where I want to be in my career. While I'm not 100% sure where I would like to end up, I do know that my current situation is not one in which I wish to be in forever. I currently work two jobs, one as a nurse and one as a tech. The tech job has become so simple that it's becoming very routine and there are few challenges left for me in the area. While I greatly enjoy everyone that I work with, the job itself is not as fulfilling as I would like.
My other job is as a nurse at a rehab/ltc facility. While my basic nursing skills have greatly improved, I also feel that there are still more things to learn from this job, and am considering investing more time in this job so I can expand my skills and nursing knowledge. I am also considering switching departments at my one job so I am working as a nurse, and not a tech. I feel that I am ready to challenge myself in a different area of nursing.
The thing is, in order to do these things, I probably would have to lead my tech job. And there comes the dilemma: I am currently dating someone who I am working with in that area. While we greatly enjoy each other's company and share many interests, I am concerned that my attempts to advance my career may result in the loss of the relationship.
Truth is, while we talk with each other a lot, it seems to be mostly work related. While I try and open myself up, my boyfriend does not seem to reveal a lot about himself. In fact, sometimes I find out things about him from coworkers, and not him. When we are texting back and forth, it is generally me doing most of the talking. I generally have to initiate most of the contacts, including coming up with ideas for dates. He does not seem to have many interests, and has very little personal information to contribute to discussions. He also seems to lack ambition and passion for anything.
At the same time, he is a great guy that treats me well. Most of our friends and family feel that we are a great match, although my mom suspects that this may be more of a friendship than a serious relationship. We get asked a lot when we are getting married or having children.
I would feel bad if I chose to move on and my plans ended up not including him, especially since he is a very nice person. It would also mean that I would probably be single again, and with my 27th birthday coming up, time is running out to find someone to marry. At the same time, my desire to have a successful nursing career came LONG before I met him.
So I guess I'm a little mixed. Do I continue in my current positions so I can be sure that I am still in a relationship? Or do I go for the career that I have worked very hard for and continue to work hard for, and risk losing the relationship?
Specializes in UR/PA, Hematology/Oncology, Med Surg, Psych.
Read your own words:
"I do wonder how long the relationship would last since most of our discussions involve work. Without working at the same place, there may be little to base our relationship off of, since, for some reason, he is not willing to reveal much about himself and does not appear to have any interests to have a conversation about. He doesn't appear to have any goals in life and when I try to learn more about him and his background, he doesn't go into much detail."
Sure sounds like a wonderful, equal partner. One that will certainly nurture your growth, personally and professionally. And why do you think you owe anyone a reason for moving on in your life?
Something else is going on with you; maybe fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, low self-esteem....IMHO you need to discuss things with a therapist to help you pinpoint the truth.
Sounds like I know more about the man that sat in front of me on the airplane last week then you do about your boyfriend.
This relationship parallels in many ways as a "work friendship". Work friends have a great relationship while they are working together, but once you move onto another job, the friendship falls apart very quickly. I think that one of the few things that is holding your relationship together is working together. The only way to find out is to move on and see if the relationship holds up. If it doesn't, then you know that there was only a thin thread holding you together.
I haven't read any responses yet, so forgive me if you've heard this already. Relationship issues aside you are working well under your education and capabilities as a nurse by continuing in your tech position. Frankly I am a little surprised your employer allows you to continue as a tech when you hold a higher level license. There are some very real liability issues there as you could be held accountable for any adverse event as a nurse even if you are not working in that capacity.
As for the relationship issue, it's usually not a good idea to be involved romantically with a co-worker anyway. If you continue to work at a position below your capabilities and I am sure at the lower pay that comes with that how long would it be before you begin to resent him holding you back? If the relationship founders after you move on to a position more appropriate to your education at least you won't have the added discomfort of continuing to work with him after the relationship failed.
Yeah, our department is interesting in that there have been at least three dating couples within it. One couple moved away and are living with each other, raising the girl's son. Another couple are expecting a baby together. Now I think a lot of our coworkers are expecting us to do the same thing...get married, have babies.
But before this, I would have never dreamt I would be dating someone I work with. Also is there anything out there that says legally, a licensed nurse should not be dating a coworker? I'm just curious. I know it's not necessarily the best idea, but are there legal implications?
I don't know of any legal implications, but most employers don't allow relationships between people at different levels in the chain of command. You would not be allowed to date somebody you are directly supervising. A nurse I used to work with was married to one of the CNA's and they were not allowed to work together. They were always assigned either different shifts or different units if they happened to be on the same shift.
Be like Elsa & let it go! If you honest to God can't talk about *anything* other than work with him, then that's the only time you should see him! I can have better conversations with people on Facebook (who I rarely talk to)!
He just doesn't seem that into you. From the lack of conversation, to not taking you out on dates he doesn't sound like a winner. Add on to the fact that he won't open up to you & doesn't want to advance his career. Does he pay when you two go out? Does he know you're a nurse?
Can you honestly see yourself with him long term? If you can't even discuss leaving your ECG position with him, what would would you do if something more serious happened; like you got pregnant? I can't imagine being with someone I can only talk about work with, that would drive me *insane*! Add to that they won't tell me about themselves & I find out about them through my coworkers. Yeah, no thanks buddy. You can kick rocks!
Well, he does take me out on dates. But usually only after I've suggested when and where to go. We switch back and forth as far as paying for activities goes, he has paid many times. He is well aware that I am a nurse and of my other job. He is nice enough that if he were to open up more he would be good long-term, although I would probably always be the one with the highest income. But it can be very difficult to get anything personal out of him.
I didn't read all replies. This is my advise... You should never have to hold yourself back or make yourself smaller to keep a relationship. If your relationship will not survive it, then it's not a relationship worth saving. A good partner encourages you to grow and seek happiness and fulfillment. I understand the desire to get married and feeling the clock ticking once you are in your mid 20s. You have lots of time still. There may also be someone better out there more suited to you. Everyone else thinking you guys are great together doesn't mean much, you have to feel it.
I guess I'm not understanding why exactly you have to stay at this job and not pursue your ambitions just to stay with this guy. Why can't you move on and still be in a relationship? Is he really that incapable of talking about nothing other than work with you?
I'm genuinely not trying to be an ass, but, this isn't high school, you aren't moving to another school and being "forced" to leave your sweetheart behind by parents. You're a 27-year-old woman who calls the shots of who is and isn't in your life. You can get off work and still go hang out with him, it doesn't have to be exclusively at work that you hang out.
And if it's the type of relationship where you do have to exclusively work with him to make it "work", well, you have your answer on what you should do as far as this relationship goes.
As other PP's have stated, sounds like you have answered your own question, you just need to choose whether you are going to act.
For the sake of your happiness, even if it means leaving your comfort zone, for God sake be happy and live life the way you want it and find a man who is just as infatuated with you as you are with him--a man who will initiate a conversation with you, who will make you sit through his corny favorite TV shows because he loves them so much he wants to share them with you. You should settle for nothing less.
Something else I'll pose to you as you have expressed interest in settling down one day soon. Can you see this guy fathering your children, being their role model (with his lack of ambition and failure to be open with you)? It sounds silly I'm sure, but you bet your behind I had this conversation with myself not only before I chose to marry my spouse, but also years later when I decided I wanted him to father our children. There are no guarantees in life of course, but, not necessarily a bad place to start when trying to assess the validity of this relationship.
Just don't hold yourself back from what will make you happy & fulfilled. Live with no regrets. Good luck.
Actually, one thing I can say about him is that he would make a good father. I have seen him interact with children, and he does very well; he has expressed interest in one day having children. However, he is about 10 years older than I am, so his age could possibly make it difficult in conceiving any children.
First off... this isn't a relationship. A relationship is both people talk and initiate conversation.
It seems like you don't want to leave the Tech job because YOU want to talk with this guy. Relationships function even if you are not at the same place. Talking with someone everyday at work is just that. A relationship is doing things outside of work, planning trips, adventures, dinners out.
He is sending you signals that he does not feel the same as you. This is evident in his lack of sharing. Friends even share things, I know about my friends, their families, likes, dislikes, we go out to dinner. I talk with my friends send them texts,and they do the same to me. From your description what you have is a co-worker who you like to talk to, from the description it doesn't sound like a friend, especially since you are initiating all contact.
Spread your wings, if this "relationship" is good, you do not need work place to talk, you will be able to find other places, like dinner, movie, hikes, etc.
You should be gaining RN experience. I would be very wary of this tech job and it could hurt you in the long run especially if you want to continue growing as a nurse. It could even affect your license if something happens and you do not respond at the level of license.
I guess I would say there is some friendship there since we do hang out by going out to eat, going to movies, spending time outdoors. It just bothers me that I found out from coworkers, not him, that he is thinking of moving and that he cannot even be honest with me about what happened with his certification exam and why he has not pursued higher education. Maybe he has a learning disability, which I definitely could accept. What's hard to accept is that, if he does, he's not willing to share it with the person he calls his "girlfriend."
Even if you are working as an EKG Tech, you are a licensed nurse. Suppose you are with a patient who arrests? You will be expected to initiate Code procedures, would you not? And you know that RN's are held to higher standards than EKG Techs. So if anything went wrong, it is possible you are going to be blamed for not behaving as a prudent RN would behave in any given situation.
It's hard for you to talk to him and I think you have your answer as to what to do. Start meeting some people, start pursuing a couple of new interests - take up coin collecting and go volunteer at your local free clinic or homeless shelter. Seriously - do find some new interests and meet some new people. That way, you won't have to make a big decision about whether or not to continue pursuing your friend. I wish you all of the best.
That is an interesting dilemma because as my role as an EKG Tech, I wouldn't do much if someone arrested since we have people above us who respond to emergencies. So even though my employer doesn't acknowledge me as a nurse, the law could.
And to be fair, he has tried to show signs of being a boyfriend. For example, he sent flowers to me at work on Valentine's Day, which was very nice of him. But it's almost like I can see why maybe some of his past relationships didn't last. Also, my mom has asked what we talk about, since it appears I don't know much about him due to my inability to answer many of her questions. When I've told her that conversations primarily revolve around work, her response was "Oh, that's no good."
Also I do have to say that while friends and family who are "moderately" close are very supportive of the relationship, my mom, whom I am very close to, doesn't see this as a lasting relationship at all. My dad is ambivalent about it. She believes it is nothing serious, and that he is "just a boy that I hang out and do things with." She feels that if he was a little more like my dad, who is ambitious in his career and a good provider, he may be worth pursuing, but he is not. She has commented that I would be responsible for the majority of the income in the relationship and that would put me under a lot of stress and pressure. She feels that with his lack of communication and lack of desire to better himself that this should be considered nothing more than a casual friendship.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Well, he does take me out on dates. But usually only after I've suggested when and where to go. We switch back and forth as far as paying for activities goes, he has paid many times. He is well aware that I am a nurse and of my other job. He is nice enough that if he were to open up more he would be good long-term, although I would probably always be the one with the highest income. But it can be very difficult to get anything personal out of him.
I just don't understand why it's so difficult to get anything personal out of him. That seems like a huge red flag to me. The one time I dated a guy who wouldn't open up to me he turned out to be someone I shouldn't be with.
dream'n, BSN, RN
1,162 Posts
Read your own words:
"I do wonder how long the relationship would last since most of our discussions involve work. Without working at the same place, there may be little to base our relationship off of, since, for some reason, he is not willing to reveal much about himself and does not appear to have any interests to have a conversation about. He doesn't appear to have any goals in life and when I try to learn more about him and his background, he doesn't go into much detail."
Sure sounds like a wonderful, equal partner. One that will certainly nurture your growth, personally and professionally. And why do you think you owe anyone a reason for moving on in your life?
Something else is going on with you; maybe fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, low self-esteem....IMHO you need to discuss things with a therapist to help you pinpoint the truth.
Sounds like I know more about the man that sat in front of me on the airplane last week then you do about your boyfriend.