So, lately, I have been thinking about where I want to be in my career. While I'm not 100% sure where I would like to end up, I do know that my current situation is not one in which I wish to be in forever. I currently work two jobs, one as a nurse and one as a tech. The tech job has become so simple that it's becoming very routine and there are few challenges left for me in the area. While I greatly enjoy everyone that I work with, the job itself is not as fulfilling as I would like.
My other job is as a nurse at a rehab/ltc facility. While my basic nursing skills have greatly improved, I also feel that there are still more things to learn from this job, and am considering investing more time in this job so I can expand my skills and nursing knowledge. I am also considering switching departments at my one job so I am working as a nurse, and not a tech. I feel that I am ready to challenge myself in a different area of nursing.
The thing is, in order to do these things, I probably would have to lead my tech job. And there comes the dilemma: I am currently dating someone who I am working with in that area. While we greatly enjoy each other's company and share many interests, I am concerned that my attempts to advance my career may result in the loss of the relationship.
Truth is, while we talk with each other a lot, it seems to be mostly work related. While I try and open myself up, my boyfriend does not seem to reveal a lot about himself. In fact, sometimes I find out things about him from coworkers, and not him. When we are texting back and forth, it is generally me doing most of the talking. I generally have to initiate most of the contacts, including coming up with ideas for dates. He does not seem to have many interests, and has very little personal information to contribute to discussions. He also seems to lack ambition and passion for anything.
At the same time, he is a great guy that treats me well. Most of our friends and family feel that we are a great match, although my mom suspects that this may be more of a friendship than a serious relationship. We get asked a lot when we are getting married or having children.
I would feel bad if I chose to move on and my plans ended up not including him, especially since he is a very nice person. It would also mean that I would probably be single again, and with my 27th birthday coming up, time is running out to find someone to marry. At the same time, my desire to have a successful nursing career came LONG before I met him.
So I guess I'm a little mixed. Do I continue in my current positions so I can be sure that I am still in a relationship? Or do I go for the career that I have worked very hard for and continue to work hard for, and risk losing the relationship?
Being a guy I know the routine. We reveal ourselves in bits and pieces yet depending on how long and intense the relationship, we eventually figure out that she is the best person for us and we dive right in. I cannot stress this next point enough as I have seen it happen hundreds of times before...DO NOT LET A MAN HOLD YOU BACK FROM WHAT YOU WANT! PAX
IMHO, in all of the years I've been on this planet, making my decisions based on what everyone else thinks of me is futile and is NOT what is best for you.
You control you. They control themselves. You need to make decisions based on what is right for YOU.
That said, my answer is NO. I would never allow a relationship, ESPECIALLY a work related thing--get in the way of what I wanted to do with my life/career. If this relationship is as important to him as it is to you--it will endure no matter where you are.
What it seems to me is that you are fearful of getting out of your comfort zone, and you are making a huge mistake that many, many, many women make---that if you don't pretzel your life for a relationship, then you will lose that relationship.
Ask yourself. If this man is such a wonderful, supportive and great potential mate---why would he not support any decisions you make to move on and improve your career? You're doing this to yourself. You are limiting yourself. This isn't about him or anybody else. You're comfortable where you are and change is scary.
That's a thing that only you can answer.
BTW. Getting involved with ANYBODY at ANY TIME that you work with is a huge mistake. ANYWHERE. I get to say "I told you so" (in my head) probably 10 times a year to my co-workers. People are lazy--they pick from the pool that they are directly inside of--because going outside of that is uncomfortable and takes time/energy. It always ends badly. For the couple mostly---but for the COWORKERS especially. Take it out of the damn workplace.
WHY is "time running out" for you to find someone to marry?
That's just not realistic and to some of us, it's insulting. I'm over 40 and single. I don't feel in any way that my "time is running out" for someone to marry.
I am single because I choose to be single. Any one can go out and get married to anyone, as long as they have no standards. Mine are high. My stock trades high. I own my home, have a successful career (2, in fact), and a child to a previous marriage.
It seems that you are unhappy being alone, with your own company. That's common. You may want to work on that before you decide to jump into a marriage with someone who is "not emotionally available".
What I find is that if there is resistance or distance or other "red flags" such as unavailability and it makes "getting into the relationship" seem like pulling teeth---RUN. In the opposite direction. Any guy/girl who makes me "come to them" and change my life for them....Nah. Nope. Nopity nope nope.
Because if this is the BEGINNING of the relationship---imagine it 5 or 10 years in, when you've pretzeled your life to suit them, and it still isn't good enough---and you've now sunk time/energy/kids???/house/finances---for what. A chance to be married?
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Being a guy I know the routine. We reveal ourselves in bits and pieces yet depending on how long and intense the relationship, we eventually figure out that she is the best person for us and we dive right in. I cannot stress this next point enough as I have seen it happen hundreds of times before...DO NOT LET A MAN HOLD YOU BACK FROM WHAT YOU WANT! PAX
But the OP has stated they only talk about work & her "boyfriend" doesn't discuss himself to her & she has found out things about him from coworkers. So it's not bits & pieces, it's pretty much nothing.
organichombre, ADN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN
220 Posts
Being a guy I know the routine. We reveal ourselves in bits and pieces yet depending on how long and intense the relationship, we eventually figure out that she is the best person for us and we dive right in. I cannot stress this next point enough as I have seen it happen hundreds of times before...DO NOT LET A MAN HOLD YOU BACK FROM WHAT YOU WANT! PAX