So, lately, I have been thinking about where I want to be in my career. While I'm not 100% sure where I would like to end up, I do know that my current situation is not one in which I wish to be in forever. I currently work two jobs, one as a nurse and one as a tech. The tech job has become so simple that it's becoming very routine and there are few challenges left for me in the area. While I greatly enjoy everyone that I work with, the job itself is not as fulfilling as I would like.
My other job is as a nurse at a rehab/ltc facility. While my basic nursing skills have greatly improved, I also feel that there are still more things to learn from this job, and am considering investing more time in this job so I can expand my skills and nursing knowledge. I am also considering switching departments at my one job so I am working as a nurse, and not a tech. I feel that I am ready to challenge myself in a different area of nursing.
The thing is, in order to do these things, I probably would have to lead my tech job. And there comes the dilemma: I am currently dating someone who I am working with in that area. While we greatly enjoy each other's company and share many interests, I am concerned that my attempts to advance my career may result in the loss of the relationship.
Truth is, while we talk with each other a lot, it seems to be mostly work related. While I try and open myself up, my boyfriend does not seem to reveal a lot about himself. In fact, sometimes I find out things about him from coworkers, and not him. When we are texting back and forth, it is generally me doing most of the talking. I generally have to initiate most of the contacts, including coming up with ideas for dates. He does not seem to have many interests, and has very little personal information to contribute to discussions. He also seems to lack ambition and passion for anything.
At the same time, he is a great guy that treats me well. Most of our friends and family feel that we are a great match, although my mom suspects that this may be more of a friendship than a serious relationship. We get asked a lot when we are getting married or having children.
I would feel bad if I chose to move on and my plans ended up not including him, especially since he is a very nice person. It would also mean that I would probably be single again, and with my 27th birthday coming up, time is running out to find someone to marry. At the same time, my desire to have a successful nursing career came LONG before I met him.
So I guess I'm a little mixed. Do I continue in my current positions so I can be sure that I am still in a relationship? Or do I go for the career that I have worked very hard for and continue to work hard for, and risk losing the relationship?
Hmm, I'm wondering if my current supervisors realized that, since I'm not regarded as a nurse at this place of employment.
I'm sure your current supervisors do realize it -- it's just not their problem. Regardless of what anyone does or doesn't "regard" or "consider" you, you are a licensed RN, 24/7. You can't "turn off" your license. While you may choose to work in a position below your highest level of licensure, and your employer is probably glad to get an RN in the position for EKG tech wages and requires you to work within the job description and limitations of your current position, if anything at work were to go sideways enough to end up in court, the courts will hold you to the standards and expectations of your highest level of education and licensure, regardless of what your job title may have been at the time. This is the conflict and risk inherent in working below your level of licensure, and the reason why lots of responsible employers refuse to hire people to work below their level of licensure. Many of the employers who do are simply willing to take advantage of you -- they figure they're getting an RN for tech wages, and that suits them fine. (All of this also applies to advanced practice nurses working as staff RNs.) There are plenty of existing threads here about this issue. I'm not saying no one should every work below their level of licensure. I just think it's important to understand the risk you're taking on.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
OP everything you state makes it sound like he is just a friend. If he does not want to open up to you after a *year*, just be friends & do what *you* want to do. If you don't even know what basic things like his favorite tv shows or movies, it's time to move on. Basic information like that is generally traded on a first day.
Don't be afraid to put yourself first. Especially since he really isn't a "nice" guy. A nice guy will open up to you, will engage in conversation with you & won't treat you like this.
I'm sure your current supervisors do realize it -- it's just not their problem. Regardless of what anyone does or doesn't "regard" or "consider" you, you are a licensed RN, 24/7. You can't "turn off" your license. While you may choose to work in a position below your highest level of licensure, and your employer is probably glad to get an RN in the position for EKG tech wages and requires you to work within the job description and limitations of your current position, if anything at work were to go sideways enough to end up in court, the courts will hold you to the standards and expectations of your highest level of education and licensure, regardless of what your job title may have been at the time. This is the conflict and risk inherent in working below your level of licensure, and the reason why lots of responsible employers refuse to hire people to work below their level of licensure. Many of the employers who do are simply willing to take advantage of you -- they figure they're getting an RN for tech wages, and that suits them fine. (All of this also applies to advanced practice nurses working as staff RNs.) There are plenty of existing threads here about this issue. I'm not saying no one should every work below their level of licensure. I just think it's important to understand the risk you're taking on.
What an odd thing to say. You don't marry someone simply because they are nice, male, and just happen to be in the picture in time to meet some arbitrary marriage deadline you've established in your mind.
You don't sound even remotely in love with this person. What a recipe for divorce. Patently unfair to this "nice guy" and any future children. Cut him loose so he can find the girl who absolutely cannot imagine life without him. You are certainly not that woman.
My (now-divorced) BFF admitted to me recently that she never thought her ex-husband (who she married at 27) was "the one" or "her soulmate" but rather, decided that she wanted to get married and have children and wanted to do it soon, so since she was with him she might as well marry him. Four years later she wound up divorced from a cheater and a single mom of a child with severe special needs.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
It sounds like he isn't that into you, especially if you are the one doing all the initiating. I would cut him loose.
This reminds me of 2 books I read "He's Just Not That Into You" & "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. Both great books to read & the movie version is *terrible* & is *nothing* like the book!
I mean this with all the kindness in the world: grow a back bone, darling.
Take a few risks. Figure out what you want, for yourself. Get outside of your comfort zone. Find a man that interests you and doesn't make you guess if you interest him, too. Get a job that scares you a little. Live for yourself, not for how you think other people think you should live. Use your license. Challenge yourself. Don't settle.
I can't imagine letting a relationship get in the way of my success. I would want my partner to be supportive of my goals - both in our relationship and with respect to my career. For what it's worth, I would be willing to be and do the same things for them and their career as well.
How in the world are you still working as a tech/assistant? Am I reading it wrong, or are you in another industry with that job? I wouldn't be willing to work for that kind of pay as a nurse, and I wouldn't accept the liability of being in a role like that but being licensed. All of my former jobs generally gave those employed in assistant positions 6-12 weeks after finishing nursing school or passing NCLEX to transition to an RN role or see employment elsewhere.
At this point in time, I am focused on work and school. I would love a relationship, especially a serious one. All of my friends are settling, getting married and having kids. One of my coworkers told me I needed to figure my personal life out, to which one of our providers reminded me that I am still young (despite not feeling that way).
Maybe I should have read more clearly, but what did your significant other say or have you discussed your fears?
I can't imagine letting a relationship get in the way of my success. I would want my partner to be supportive of my goals - both in our relationship and with respect to my career. For what it's worth, I would be willing to be and do the same things for them and their career as well.
How in the world are you still working as a tech/assistant? Am I reading it wrong, or are you in another industry with that job? I wouldn't be willing to work for that kind of pay as a nurse, and I wouldn't accept the liability of being in a role like that but being licensed. All of my former jobs generally gave those employed in assistant positions 6-12 weeks after finishing nursing school or passing NCLEX to transition to an RN role or see employment elsewhere.
At this point in time, I am focused on work and school. I would love a relationship, especially a serious one. All of my friends are settling, getting married and having kids. One of my coworkers told me I needed to figure my personal life out, to which one of our providers reminded me that I am still young (despite not feeling that way).
Maybe I should have read more clearly, but what did your significant other say or have you discussed your fears?
I have two jobs. One of my jobs I work as an ECG Tech and the other, I work as a registered nurse. They are two different employers. I honestly never thought about any liability issues working as an ECG Tech as I have worked the job for three years and have done very well. I'm not worried about doing anything that would cause me to lose my license.
As for discussing any of this with my boyfriend, I have not, because it is very difficult to talk about anything that doesn't relate to work.
Would I let *a* relationship affect my job advancement? Yes. And have. But, I am happily married and have made concessions or delayed my personal goals based on our mutual needs at the time or how my personal decision would affect our long or short-term goals as a couple.
Would I let a relationship such as the one you're describing affect my job advancement? Hells-to-the-no.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
As for discussing any of this with my boyfriend, I have not, because it is very difficult to talk about anything that doesn't relate to work.
Be like Elsa & let it go! If you honest to God can't talk about *anything* other than work with him, then that's the only time you should see him! I can have better conversations with people on Facebook (who I rarely talk to)!
He just doesn't seem that into you. From the lack of conversation, to not taking you out on dates he doesn't sound like a winner. Add on to the fact that he won't open up to you & doesn't want to advance his career. Does he pay when you two go out? Does he know you're a nurse?
Can you honestly see yourself with him long term? If you can't even discuss leaving your ECG position with him, what would would you do if something more serious happened; like you got pregnant? I can't imagine being with someone I can only talk about work with, that would drive me *insane*! Add to that they won't tell me about themselves & I find out about them through my coworkers. Yeah, no thanks buddy. You can kick rocks!
I guess I'm not understanding why exactly you have to stay at this job and not pursue your ambitions just to stay with this guy. Why can't you move on and still be in a relationship? Is he really that incapable of talking about nothing other than work with you?
I'm genuinely not trying to be an ass, but, this isn't high school, you aren't moving to another school and being "forced" to leave your sweetheart behind by parents. You're a 27-year-old woman who calls the shots of who is and isn't in your life. You can get off work and still go hang out with him, it doesn't have to be exclusively at work that you hang out.
And if it's the type of relationship where you do have to exclusively work with him to make it "work", well, you have your answer on what you should do as far as this relationship goes.
As other PP's have stated, sounds like you have answered your own question, you just need to choose whether you are going to act.
For the sake of your happiness, even if it means leaving your comfort zone, for God sake be happy and live life the way you want it and find a man who is just as infatuated with you as you are with him--a man who will initiate a conversation with you, who will make you sit through his corny favorite TV shows because he loves them so much he wants to share them with you. You should settle for nothing less.
Something else I'll pose to you as you have expressed interest in settling down one day soon. Can you see this guy fathering your children, being their role model (with his lack of ambition and failure to be open with you)? It sounds silly I'm sure, but you bet your behind I had this conversation with myself not only before I chose to marry my spouse, but also years later when I decided I wanted him to father our children. There are no guarantees in life of course, but, not necessarily a bad place to start when trying to assess the validity of this relationship.
Just don't hold yourself back from what will make you happy & fulfilled. Live with no regrets. Good luck.
elkpark
14,633 Posts
I'm sure your current supervisors do realize it -- it's just not their problem. Regardless of what anyone does or doesn't "regard" or "consider" you, you are a licensed RN, 24/7. You can't "turn off" your license. While you may choose to work in a position below your highest level of licensure, and your employer is probably glad to get an RN in the position for EKG tech wages and requires you to work within the job description and limitations of your current position, if anything at work were to go sideways enough to end up in court, the courts will hold you to the standards and expectations of your highest level of education and licensure, regardless of what your job title may have been at the time. This is the conflict and risk inherent in working below your level of licensure, and the reason why lots of responsible employers refuse to hire people to work below their level of licensure. Many of the employers who do are simply willing to take advantage of you -- they figure they're getting an RN for tech wages, and that suits them fine. (All of this also applies to advanced practice nurses working as staff RNs.) There are plenty of existing threads here about this issue. I'm not saying no one should every work below their level of licensure. I just think it's important to understand the risk you're taking on.