I'm surprised there has been no mention of the Stanford rape trial and sentence on all nurses. I'm opening up the discussion as I feel it pertains to us in many ways. One as people who may have been victims or know others who have been victims of sexual violence and two as nurses that have taken care of others in this situation, whether directly in ER or a patient suffering from PTSD with other health problems as well.
I applaud the survivor's bravery and her impact statement that has gone public. I hope this will comfort other survivors, but even more I hope this will discourage rape in general. Campus rapes are common and rapes at frats are in the news frequently. Once again a college athlete got off with just a slap on the wrist, although I don't think he counted on all the negative publicity this case has garnered.
What disturbs me the most is the letters of the parents to the judge. The father's don't punish him for 20 minutes of action. Then the mother's letter, who by the way is a nurse for gynecological surgeries and in the past as a pediatric nurse, who had not one iota of empathy for the victim. Her letter simply astonished me. I can't believe as a woman, as a nurse, as a mother of a daughter she had no empathy for the victim! This troubles me the most! I imagine in her years as a nurse she must have taken care of a rape victim and her total lack of empathy for the victim disturbs me greatly!
I'll bow out by saying you are absolutely free to act as you please, say what you please, dress as you please, get as drunk and impaired as you like. You are also free to bash predators and never take any personal responsibility for your actions by deflecting. I am a realist. It would be great to focus only on predators and have that be sufficient. It would be great to say I should be able to get drunk and pass out on a bed naked in a frat house and have nothing happen. Nothing should happen but you are foolish to bank on that. I hope the victim gets the help she needs to heal.
Predators deserve to be "bashed"!
I've counseled my daughters to not drink excessively, for MANY REASONS, risk of being assaulted just being one of them.
But you are absolutely correct that if my daughter was raped, I would not expect her "take responsibility" for her rape because of what she was wearing. Deflection my butt. Are you kidding me?
I'll bow out by saying you are absolutely free to act as you please, say what you please, dress as you please, get as drunk and impaired as you like. You are also free to bash predators and never take any personal responsibility for your actions by deflecting. I am a realist. It would be great to focus only on predators and have that be sufficient. It would be great to say I should be able to get drunk and pass out on a bed naked in a frat house and have nothing happen. Nothing should happen but you are foolish to bank on that. I hope the victim gets the help she needs to heal.
The way to prevent rape is to teach people not to rape. This isn't even do much about men vs women. Men can be raped. Women can be rapists. When we leave the burden on the victims to be less of a target, we teach people that rape is as inevitable as the tides. That the only thing we can do is be less of a victim than the person next to us. That the only way to prevent our own rape is make sure we aren't the person who can defend themselves the least.
How about instead we teach people to actually stop rapes. We make the punishment enough to deter criminals. We give Good Samaritans press time over criminals. Comprehensive sex ed for all including consent.
I'll bow out by saying you are absolutely free to act as you please, say what you please, dress as you please, get as drunk and impaired as you like. You are also free to bash predators and never take any personal responsibility for your actions by deflecting. I am a realist. It would be great to focus only on predators and have that be sufficient. It would be great to say I should be able to get drunk and pass out on a bed naked in a frat house and have nothing happen. Nothing should happen but you are foolish to bank on that. I hope the victim gets the help she needs to heal.
A child who has been burned doesn't need to be taught fear of fire. I never experienced the world as a safe place, so I've never banked on anything in my ***-**** ******* life. If I made one mistake of trusting at the wrong moment, though, clearly there would be hordes of people waiting in the wings to pour blame into my open wounds.
A child who has been burned doesn't need to be taught fear of fire. I never experienced the world as a safe place, so I've never banked on anything in my ***-**** ******* life. If I made one mistake of trusting at the wrong moment, though, clearly there would be hordes of people waiting in the wings to pour blame into my open wounds.
Yes, there would be, and that seems to be particularly true with regard to rape. And the puzzling thing is, many of the people blaming you would be other women. It defies explanation imo.
"The way to prevent rape is to teach people not to rape." What immoral planet are you living on? This comment is sicker that the "people" that troll Yahoo and make moronic comments.
"The way to prevent rape is to teach people not to rape." What immoral planet are you living on? This comment is sicker that the "people" that troll Yahoo and make moronic comments.
I think what that poster is talking about is teaching people about consent and what constitutes consent and what doesn't. Studies have found that many men will admit to forcing sex on someone who has not consented, but then they will go on to say that they didn't rape the person in question. That reveals a pretty significant disconnect with reality and the understanding of the actual definition of rape.
So please explain how teaching people to understand the concept of consent and what actually constitutes the act of rape, so that they may teach them not to do that is "immoral" and "sick"?
We all make stupid mistakes...that does not give predators (reason why they are called this) to take advantage and commit illegal and immoral acts. As a society, we seem so driven to blame victims for causing what happened to them...until it happens to me. I will not deny it, we have to be supervigilent isn thes day and age. I was really appalled by one poster's statement that in order to stop rape, we have to teach people not to rape. What? Teach people not to rape, murder, bully, etc? A very scary commentary on our society. Something I would expect from the trolls that post comments on Yahoo. What scares me even more is that the comments I have read are posted by people who are supposed to be educated.
"Teach people how not to rape." What a sad commentary about our society. Rape is not rocket science...it is not about sex---but violence and dominance. A well documented fact. Do your research. Recidivism with sexual offenders is rampant, despite efforts to rehabilitate and educate them. Most of them know what they did was wrong and make excuses for their violent behavior. As you stated "Studies have found that many men will admit to forcing sex on someone who has not consented, but but they will go on to say they didn't rape the person in question." Wow, so what is considered rape in our society?
I once helped to care for a 74 year old woman, who was beaten and raped in her back yard.
She never recovered....physically or emotionally...she babbled and cried for the rest of her life. Guess her rapists didn't get the tutorial about "the concept of consent and what actually constitutes the act of rape." What are we going to teach our children next? How to murder and get a manslaughter charge vs 1st degree murder?
And i agree that you should be respected and treated as equal. That is not what i am talking about. I am addressing the culture that men and women are the same but as soon as a man strikes/rapes a woman the "BUT I"M JUST A GIRL" defense comes out. Either women are the fairer sex or they aren't. It seems hypocritical.
I've never heard "the 'BUT I'M JUST A GIRL' defense." I've heard plenty of women object to having violent crimes committed against them ... What are you suggesting, that this is a bipolar choice for women, that if we want equal rights and opportunities, then we have to expect to be raped and beaten, and shouldn't complain when it happens? That violent crime against women is some sort of reasonable and tolerable backlash against women who want to be taken seriously as human beings?
I've never heard "the 'BUT I'M JUST A GIRL' defense." I've heard plenty of women object to having violent crimes committed against them ... What are you suggesting, that this is a bipolar choice for women, that if we want equal rights and opportunities, then we have to expect to be raped and beaten, and shouldn't complain when it happens? That violent crime against women is some sort of reasonable and tolerable backlash against women who want to be taken seriously as human beings?
"The way to prevent rape is to teach people not to rape." What immoral planet are you living on? This comment is sicker that the "people" that troll Yahoo and make moronic comments.
What is so wrong with it? The poster is saying that we shouldn't have to teach girls how not to be raped (dress modestly, don't drink, etc.). We need to raise MEN in such a way that they aren't rapists.
Teach boys (and girls) to respect one another. Teach them to NOT to take advantage of other people. Raise them not to be predators. It's quite simple.
Thats not what I am saying. I am saying don't act like superwoman in one breath and a damsel in distress in the next. The type of woman who competes with men on every level and insists on being treated the same and then wants a man to open doors and lift boxes. It is hypocrisy.
By the logic used in the second quote you must not lock your car or home up because robberies will happen and focusing on home and car safety gives the robbers a free pass. Telling women to act more responsibly and addressing predators is not mutually exclusive but that is what I am hearing. It is all the rapists fault and being drunk and impaired in a strange place should be irrelevant. I am sure the victim is this case feels very justified that she had a right to be drunk in public. I am sure she will do it again because she has a right to do so without being harmed by some creep. Even if the driver or the rapist are 100% wrong it will be little consolation to you when you are the victim.
being equal under the law does not mean that men and women are physically equal in their strength. a 5', 90 # female gymnast is = under the law to the 6'6", 300 # full back. they are not equal in strength or reach.
your insults about this victim are insufferably rude. she has already acknowledge her error.
Horseshoe, BSN, RN
5,879 Posts
Predators deserve to be "bashed"!
I've counseled my daughters to not drink excessively, for MANY REASONS, risk of being assaulted just being one of them.
But you are absolutely correct that if my daughter was raped, I would not expect her "take responsibility" for her rape because of what she was wearing. Deflection my butt. Are you kidding me?