Some days, I just don't get it. If there's anything that occasionally causes me to re-think my participation here, it is the fact that reality-based, honest answers are so often derided as rude & .....wait for it.....NETY. In some folks' worlds, the only good answer is a sugar-coated, rose-colored view of the nursing profession. Anything else is mean, rude & sarcastic. In my world, honest, realistic answers are the kindest, most thoughtful way to communicate with those who have questions. In my world, I would be doing a disservice to those who have questions if I did not tell the truth.
This week, someone actually spewed to me that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child because I was so rude when I suggested that an Algebra 101 book would be helpful for a nursing student who wanted to practice dosing calculations. I literally just answered "Algebra 101" to the question "what books can you recommend to help me with dosing calculations?" So I provided a reasonable recommendation of a book (and yes, dosing calculations are solved by pre-algebra and dimensional analysis) and I'm told that I'm so mean that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child?? Now, THAT'S rude, not to mention hateful and deliberately hurtful.
I don't get what folks want/expect/need from an Internet forum, but I apparently do not possess it. Some days...
As a snarky person who uses passive aggressive phrasing to be able to call people out without getting points, I am excellent at detecting meanness.
Roser13 doesn't pull any punches. If you're being stupid, she'll point it out. But, it's not with the intention of belittling you or telling you that you suck at life. She's basically saying, "That post was stupid."
Letting that be a license to say that she must have been tortured as a child shows way more about you than you meant it to, I'm sure. Bless your heart.
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
You think about your words always and you STILL think it was appropriate to ask if the OP had her fingernails pulled out as a child? At first I was thinking you just had an extremely nasty moment. Now I'm thinking that you must be an extremely nasty PERSON.
Or at least, the "internal censor" was having a bit of a snooze.
Then I guess I took Algebra for Dummies. I took Algebra I the very first semester of my prereqs. I aced it because I had an awesome instructor. Dosage calculations are Algebra I. That was by far one of the most useful classes I took. I then went to intermediate algebra, and then college algebra.
So, while people may think that insults their intelligence, many of us on here started with that. I had been out of school for many years, just like the OP, and I needed refresher courses. It was no big deal.
I feel people make a life of being offended. It's sad really. It's a waste of energy that you be putting into just enjoying your life. I'm not saying that the OP does that, but many do.
Roser always gives good advice. But, even if I disagreed with her, I either wouldn't respond, or, if I felt the need to, I would be professional about it. There's no need to respond the way the OP did.
I'm a tell it like it is person in real life as well. My friends like that about me. I'm not mean to people but I tell the truth always. The advice I give on here is what I would say in real life.
I have a friend who went to 2 for profit colleges trying to become a nurse. I told her exactly what would happen and I thought it was a waste of money, which it turned out to be. I gave her the exact advice I give on her, same words. My delivery was fine. You can't read tone from someone on the Internet.
I ABSOLUTELY thought that "Algebra 101" was a useful answer because that's how I learned to do nursing calculations.
Therein lies the difference. I am extremely careful, almost methodical with my word choices. There's an internal censor in me that lets up very rarely so it is very hard for me to imagine being the polar opposite. Sure, there are times when directness is needed (dealing with my young son, dealing with people who seem to want to be overbearing, etc) but otherwise, no, I think about my words and/or delivery always.
FYI, having seen posts of yours you were on of those few that I dedescribein the second para, I think, of my last post so it's interesting that you replied.
I ABSOLUTELY thought that "Algebra 101" was a useful answer because that's how I learned to do nursing calculations.
I think it IS a useful answer. It's certainly not something I would have thought of. I took calc I my first semester of college and took algebra I in middle school. I think what makes AN great is that we are all coming from different perspectives. The OP with the question about resources for dosage and med calcs was given the name of like 5 books, where to look on YouTube, classes to take, etc. THAT is pretty amazing!!
Tara, your 'extremely careful' 'almost methodical' word choices led you to say something extremely hurtful to another human being, but you do not seem penitent. You should have apologized to Roser but you seem to be enjoying the attention you are getting. Perhaps you should be even more careful with your word choices next time. Words hurt.
Personally, I find nothing offensive or irritating in Roser's posts. She doesn't sugar coat and I respect that.
While some people may not appreciate the straight forward approach, these types often forget that walking on egg shells for fear of offending them can be exhausting.
Personally, I find nothing offensive or irritating in Roser's posts. She doesn't sugar coat and I respect that.
While some people may not appreciate the straight forward approach, these types often forget that walking on egg shells for fear of offending them can be exhausting.
Goes both ways.
I've been around (off and on) for a long time, and I have learned to take what I need and leave the rest, for the most part. I have learned that on AN, you may get a short answer - very plain and unadorned or a long, complicated answer. You never know! Take what you need, scroll past the rest!
I think it IS a useful answer. It's certainly not something I would have thought of. I took calc I my first semester of college and took algebra I in middle school. I think what makes AN great is that we are all coming from different perspectives. The OP with the question about resources for dosage and med calcs was given the name of like 5 books where to look on YouTube, classes to take, etc. THAT is pretty amazing!![/quote']
Lol! I went back to school for nursing pre-reqs at the age of 35. You can bet your booty that I needed remedial help. Algebra 101 saved my life. No credit toward my degree, but it saved my butt in other ways. Definitely no calculus for me, but I'm married to a mathematician. Does that count?
Fast forward a bit and we've learned that a little tact and diplomacy goes a long way. We can be just as effective mentors and teachers without the snark.
I agree. I think just remembering to be courteous and kind goes a long way. Just a thought, but it's my thought.
I've had my feelings hurt by a poster a time or two in the past that enjoyed picking everything I said apart - no matter what I posted. Using quotes to be cruel. I felt belittled and stupid, and it really hurt more than I care to admit.
I do want to take this opportunity now to send out a heart felt apology to anyone I may have hurt in the past without realizing it. Please believe that if that happened it was unintentional.
I don't know the answer exactly but if you want the luxury of being truthful and blunt and to put minimal effort effort into the delivery then you're gonna have to thicken up that skin for the reprocussions of being misinterpretted. This "is the internet" after all and we have no relationship with each other outside of these comments. Businesses spend millions on teaching employees how to communicate in a way that is more likely to be heard. It's the human condition that we wish to be heard and respected even when we're being disagreed with.
I don't know the answer exactly but if you want the luxury of being truthful and blunt and to put minimal effort effort into the delivery then you're gonna have to thicken up that skin for the reprocussions of being misinterpretted. This "is the internet" after all and we have no relationship with each other outside of these comments. Businesses spend millions on teaching employees how to communicate in a way that is more likely to be heard. It's the human condition that we wish to be heard and respected even when we're being disagreed with.
Even when the disagreement segues to "did you have your fingernails torn out as a child?" Should my skin have been thick enough to absorb that? That's my main point for this thread.
Not to beat a dead horse here, but any time a responder mentions my obligation to accept any/all responses, that's where my mind goes.
canigraduate
2,107 Posts
As a snarky person who uses passive aggressive phrasing to be able to call people out without getting points, I am excellent at detecting meanness.
Roser13 doesn't pull any punches. If you're being stupid, she'll point it out. But, it's not with the intention of belittling you or telling you that you suck at life. She's basically saying, "That post was stupid."
Letting that be a license to say that she must have been tortured as a child shows way more about you than you meant it to, I'm sure. Bless your heart.