Some days, I just don't get it. If there's anything that occasionally causes me to re-think my participation here, it is the fact that reality-based, honest answers are so often derided as rude & .....wait for it.....NETY. In some folks' worlds, the only good answer is a sugar-coated, rose-colored view of the nursing profession. Anything else is mean, rude & sarcastic. In my world, honest, realistic answers are the kindest, most thoughtful way to communicate with those who have questions. In my world, I would be doing a disservice to those who have questions if I did not tell the truth.
This week, someone actually spewed to me that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child because I was so rude when I suggested that an Algebra 101 book would be helpful for a nursing student who wanted to practice dosing calculations. I literally just answered "Algebra 101" to the question "what books can you recommend to help me with dosing calculations?" So I provided a reasonable recommendation of a book (and yes, dosing calculations are solved by pre-algebra and dimensional analysis) and I'm told that I'm so mean that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child?? Now, THAT'S rude, not to mention hateful and deliberately hurtful.
I don't get what folks want/expect/need from an Internet forum, but I apparently do not possess it. Some days...
I don't know the answer exactly but if you want the luxury of being truthful and blunt and to put minimal effort effort into the delivery then you're gonna have to thicken up that skin for the reprocussions of being misinterpretted. This "is the internet" after all and we have no relationship with each other outside of these comments. Businesses spend millions on teaching employees how to communicate in a way that is more likely to be heard. It's the human condition that we wish to be heard and respected even when we're being disagreed with.
I agree with your premise yet I think there's a line.
Any response to a non hateful post that starts with you must be a terrible/horrible/no good etc is where emotional intelligence ends and crappiness begins in my thinking.
Even when the disagreement segues to "did you have your fingernails torn out as a child?" Should my skin have been thick enough to absorb that? That's my main point for this thread.
Not to beat a dead horse here, but any time a responder mentions my obligation to accept any/all responses, that's where my mind goes.
*misinterpreted
Let's be clear, I'm not defending that comment. I'm just saying if you want to be able to say it all direct and without any sort of preamble to set the stage.....yes, you'll have to thicken it up and let stuff go. If a poster hasn't been around here for ages to learn Rosers style then your comments can often very easily come off as snarky, dismissive and or condescending. I'm not saying I don't value your input I'm just telling you what I see.
I can be the Queen of snark, and I can't understand how a simple basic answer could be misconstrued as snarky. If this is based on previous posts, perhaps one needs to step away from the keyboard and not take that time to bash another member. Have we become that society, where asking a person if their nails were pulled as a child, is a normal answer? Social media has allowed us to become individuals that would state things to others that would never be said in person. Fact of the matter, words hurt; if we can't remember this premise before we type something that could be seen as mean, we should step away from the keyboard and take that time out. We are professionals and need to remain that way, even when we are feeling slighted over responses on any social media post.
Let's be clear, I'm not defending that comment. I'm just saying if you want to be able to say it all direct and without any sort of preamble to set the stage.....yes, you'll have to thicken it up and let stuff go. If a poster hasn't been around here for ages to learn Rosers style then your comments can often very easily come off as snarky, dismissive and or condescending. I'm not saying I don't value your input I'm just telling you what I see.
I appreciate your candor. However, I believe there is a line between constructive disagreement and absolutely inappropriate, degrading comments (whether or not the poster "knows" my style, whatever that means). And I believe that line was crossed.
For the record, BTW, I have not (as alleged) threatened to quit AN.com. I started this thread by saying that I sometimes question whether I want to continue to participate in a forum where such comments occur.
I am not ashamed to say that I'm not a math person by any stretch of the imagination. I finally passed college algebra when I found an online course that encouraged the open book approach...thank God!! I dropped A&P almost on an annual basis until I found an online program/course that didn't require a lab component...isn't He just too AWESOME!!! And just 10 minutes ago, after reading this thread all day, I finally looked up the definition of snark....you got it: online!!
When it came to drug calculations and formulas, guess what resource I used? Anyone? Google!!!!! Step by step visuals. And the ones that made it stick were the ones demonstrated in Comic Sans (cartoon-like) print.
I'm not ashamed to say I was in my forties when I needed to know this stuff for the purpose of obtaining a college degree or two; and the carton print is what worked for me. Otherwise, the crap was just boring. But hey, I got the job done.
I can be the Queen of snark, and I can't understand how a simple basic answer could be misconstrued as snarky. If this is based on previous posts, perhaps one needs to step away from the keyboard and not take that time to bash another member. Have we become that society, where asking a person if their nails were pulled as a child, is a normal answer? Social media has allowed us to become individuals that would state things to others that would never be said in person. Fact of the matter, words hurt; if we can't remember this premise before we type something that could be seen as mean, we should step away from the keyboard and take that time out. We are professionals and need to remain that way, even when we are feeling slighted over responses on any social media post.
Agreed, and as I have previously posted, that comment reflects back on the poster herself. Anyone who is compelled to post such as that may have other, more urgent personal issues.
Well, having been unnecessarily eviscerated on this site for not sugar coating I can feel and appreciate your pain. I don't think we should have to thicken up.....but alas.....seems to be necessary.
Well, having been unnecessarily eviscerated on this site for not sugar coating I can feel and appreciate your pain. I don't think we should have to thicken up.....but alas.....seems to be necessary.
Well, my answer to "what book should I study for nursing calculations?" could have been "bowing to you, and plus sugar plums, please read Algebra 101, which is easy-to-read and will solve all your problems because you're a Special Snowflake."
That's real mature (and just so there is no confusion on my tone, this is being said with sarcasm from a not sarcastic person). How you type (spacing, all caps, bold, italicized, punctuation, etc.) matters. Your punctuation there is really rude.
Going back to the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". If people read too much into the "tone" of a post that is their own fault and their own insecurities playing out.
I don't know what side you both are on, but I thought it was pretty clear I was making a mockery of what political correctiveness has come too.
I thought the response roser made was fine. I was agreeing that people get way to worked up over words and seem to think everyone needs to tend to their hurt feelings.
Sorry if I came across as the exact opposite of what I was trying to convey. A perfect example of how words can misinterpreted in an online thread.
I don't know what side you both are on, but I thought it was pretty clear I was making a mockery of what political correctiveness has come too.
I thought the response roser made was fine. I was agreeing that people get way to worked up over words and seem to think everyone needs to tend to their hurt feelings.
Sorry if I came across as the exact opposite of what I was trying to convey. A perfect example of how words can misinterpreted in an online thread.
Thank you for explaining. I also took you at your word and did not detect your tongue in cheek.
And yes, this is a perfect example of mis-interpretation.
Furthermore, if one phrase (that was not inappropriate) triggered someone to rebuttal in what we have seen, I think it is very apparent that people cannot deal with not having others take into account their feelings.
I do know what it feels like to be dismissed rudely, and it sucks, but I don't even think the "Algebra 101" question was dismissive, more of just a short answer that could or could not come off as a little insensitive.
1) Algebra 101 is a subject that multitude of books are focused on. Just search that phrase in any bookstore or online and you'll get many options for resources.
or 2) It could be poking fun at what is an easy answer to a question that would take all but 2 seconds to figure out with google.
Or it could be both, which I'm willing to bet was. Is that wrong? No. Are people too sensitive if they think it was solely the second option and react to it? Maybe or maybe not.
The reality is, none of us will really know. Only roser does and on her account, it was option 1.
I think the real problem is people getting upset over petty ****.
I'm the one that said I needed a break. Maybe I do. I didn't threaten to leave, just said I may need some time away.
After this, I think I will take at least a week. I thought people came here for advice. If you take the simple phrase Algebra 101 as offensive, well then, I'm at a loss.
Libby1987
3,726 Posts
I agree with your premise yet I think there's a line.
Any response to a non hateful post that starts with you must be a terrible/horrible/no good etc is where emotional intelligence ends and crappiness begins in my thinking.