Some days, I just don't get it. If there's anything that occasionally causes me to re-think my participation here, it is the fact that reality-based, honest answers are so often derided as rude & .....wait for it.....NETY. In some folks' worlds, the only good answer is a sugar-coated, rose-colored view of the nursing profession. Anything else is mean, rude & sarcastic. In my world, honest, realistic answers are the kindest, most thoughtful way to communicate with those who have questions. In my world, I would be doing a disservice to those who have questions if I did not tell the truth.
This week, someone actually spewed to me that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child because I was so rude when I suggested that an Algebra 101 book would be helpful for a nursing student who wanted to practice dosing calculations. I literally just answered "Algebra 101" to the question "what books can you recommend to help me with dosing calculations?" So I provided a reasonable recommendation of a book (and yes, dosing calculations are solved by pre-algebra and dimensional analysis) and I'm told that I'm so mean that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child?? Now, THAT'S rude, not to mention hateful and deliberately hurtful.
I don't get what folks want/expect/need from an Internet forum, but I apparently do not possess it. Some days...
Though those that know me trust me, but I will always have to work on my delivery. On the flip side, and to my benefit in my opinion, I rarely consider delivery and focus on content.
I agree with Roser13's posts, they reflect worldly experience. Anyone who doesn't take her (his? I'm pretty sure her) posts at face value is shorting themselves of practical sensical advice.
Therein lies the difference. I am extremely careful, almost methodical with my word choices. There's an internal censor in me that lets up very rarely so it is very hard for me to imagine being the polar opposite. Sure, there are times when directness is needed (dealing with my young son, dealing with people who seem to want to be overbearing, etc) but otherwise, no, I think about my words and/or delivery always.
FYI, having seen posts of yours you were on of those few that I dedescribein the second para, I think, of my last post so it's interesting that you replied.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
So yes, spend $100k for a worthless degree, it's all unicorns and rainbows when you become a nurse, fast food is much harder, you will never clean poop as a nurse and we just laugh and giggle while occasionally administering an IV med.
Don't forget sipping Lattes while we flirt with impossibly handsome doctor's who are just waiting to sweep us into a broom closet for a little smoochie smoochie.
We ALL have issues and sore spots. And yes, sometimes we are misunderstood. I think, though, most people will engage in some self-reflection and try to understand why the other person was offended, before getting defensive and blaming the poor outcome on oversensitivity... especially if misunderstandings seem to happen often.
I could understand why someone would take your answer of algebra 101 as snarky. It's kind of like suggesting Algebra for Dummies to someone who's already insecure about their math skills. If that wasn't the intent, ok... like I said before, misunderstandings happen. But I don't agree with the idea that delivery shouldn't matter, that people who find offense to your responses are automatically oversensitive. Food for thought.
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Oh, yeah. I almost forgot the most important thing: It has struck me that the people who have the most delicate feelings, who are the quickest to take umbrage have NO qualms about unloading raw hostility on others.
Oh, yeah. I almost forgot the most important thing: It has struck me that the people who have the most delicate feelings, who are the quickest to take umbrage have NO qualms about unloading raw hostility on others.
Double standard?
How dare you say that about me! I'm leaving Allnurses forever. (Or at least for an hour).
It's not what you say but how you say it. That's just life.
True. I have also been taken back by blunt-simple responses sometimes, mostly because I am use to rephrasing my thoughts put into words at work so not to hurt patient's/families' feelings and not have my expressed thoughts somehow misinterpreted.
Specializes in RETIRED Cath Lab/Cardiology/Radiology.
Thank you all for the candid responses and level-headed discussion here.
One more thing that strongly affects this subject: the fact that we are TEXTING and POSTING rather than SPEAKING IRL to each other.
Tone, inflection, facial expression, waving of arms and illustrative gestures are all unavailable for these online conversations, thus their important contributions to the person's overall tone and meaning are lost. And we are without vital components to effective communication.
Responses on this thread show we try with sincere efforts.
We ALL have issues and sore spots. And yes, sometimes we are misunderstood. I think, though, most people will engage in some self-reflection and try to understand why the other person was offended, before getting defensive and blaming the poor outcome on oversensitivity... especially if misunderstandings seem to happen often.
I could understand why someone would take your answer of algebra 101 as snarky. It's kind of like suggesting Algebra for Dummies to someone who's already insecure about their math skills. If that wasn't the intent, ok... like I said before, misunderstandings happen. But I don't agree with the idea that delivery shouldn't matter, that people who find offense to your responses are automatically oversensitive. Food for thought.
Then I guess I took Algebra for Dummies. I took Algebra I the very first semester of my prereqs. I aced it because I had an awesome instructor. Dosage calculations are Algebra I. That was by far one of the most useful classes I took. I then went to intermediate algebra, and then college algebra.
So, while people may think that insults their intelligence, many of us on here started with that. I had been out of school for many years, just like the OP, and I needed refresher courses. It was no big deal.
I feel people make a life of being offended. It's sad really. It's a waste of energy that you be putting into just enjoying your life. I'm not saying that the OP does that, but many do.
Roser always gives good advice. But, even if I disagreed with her, I either wouldn't respond, or, if I felt the need to, I would be professional about it. There's no need to respond the way the OP did.
I'm a tell it like it is person in real life as well. My friends like that about me. I'm not mean to people but I tell the truth always. The advice I give on here is what I would say in real life.
I have a friend who went to 2 for profit colleges trying to become a nurse. I told her exactly what would happen and I thought it was a waste of money, which it turned out to be. I gave her the exact advice I give on her, same words. My delivery was fine. You can't read tone from someone on the Internet.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
At least your reply was succinct, to the point and answered the question.
I've spent literally hours thinking about a question, figuring out the best way to phrase my answer without being rude, dismissive or (wait for it) young-eating and then typing in a thoughtful, coherent and comprehensive answer only to be told that it's clear I hate all new grads or students or young people. Honestly, if I hated them so much, why would I spend so much time and effort trying to answer their question in the most helpful way possible?
When someone posts a question on an Internet forum, they don't get to control the responses they get. If they don't like the response, the LEAST rude response they can give is to say "Thank you" (meaning thank you for taking the time to think about my question and type a response) and then scroll on. All this other garbage thrown at us is rude, hateful and deliberately hurtful.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
It's not what you say but how you say it. That's just life.
And on the Internet, there are no tone of voice, facial expression or body language cues. So "Algebra 101" seems to me to be a perfectly acceptable answer to a one line question. And asking if you've had your fingernails pulled out as a child is insensitive, mean, nasty and deliberately hurtful. I'll take succinct and to the point over mean, nasty and deliberately hurtful any day.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Therein lies the difference. I am extremely careful, almost methodical with my word choices. There's an internal censor in me that lets up very rarely so it is very hard for me to imagine being the polar opposite. Sure, there are times when directness is needed (dealing with my young son, dealing with people who seem to want to be overbearing, etc) but otherwise, no, I think about my words and/or delivery always.
FYI, having seen posts of yours you were on of those few that I dedescribein the second para, I think, of my last post so it's interesting that you replied.
You think about your words always and you STILL think it was appropriate to ask if the OP had her fingernails pulled out as a child? At first I was thinking you just had an extremely nasty moment. Now I'm thinking that you must be an extremely nasty PERSON.
tara07733
102 Posts
Therein lies the difference. I am extremely careful, almost methodical with my word choices. There's an internal censor in me that lets up very rarely so it is very hard for me to imagine being the polar opposite. Sure, there are times when directness is needed (dealing with my young son, dealing with people who seem to want to be overbearing, etc) but otherwise, no, I think about my words and/or delivery always.
FYI, having seen posts of yours you were on of those few that I dedescribein the second para, I think, of my last post so it's interesting that you replied.