Some days.......

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

Some days, I just don't get it. If there's anything that occasionally causes me to re-think my participation here, it is the fact that reality-based, honest answers are so often derided as rude & .....wait for it.....NETY. In some folks' worlds, the only good answer is a sugar-coated, rose-colored view of the nursing profession. Anything else is mean, rude & sarcastic. In my world, honest, realistic answers are the kindest, most thoughtful way to communicate with those who have questions. In my world, I would be doing a disservice to those who have questions if I did not tell the truth.

This week, someone actually spewed to me that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child because I was so rude when I suggested that an Algebra 101 book would be helpful for a nursing student who wanted to practice dosing calculations. I literally just answered "Algebra 101" to the question "what books can you recommend to help me with dosing calculations?" So I provided a reasonable recommendation of a book (and yes, dosing calculations are solved by pre-algebra and dimensional analysis) and I'm told that I'm so mean that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child?? Now, THAT'S rude, not to mention hateful and deliberately hurtful.

I don't get what folks want/expect/need from an Internet forum, but I apparently do not possess it. Some days...

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Specializes in Gerontology.

I saw that post. That response was so uncalled for.

I agree that is seems like everything has to be all sunshine and lollipops for some people.

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Specializes in Critical care.

I saw that too and thought it was very uncalled for.

It it also seems if you don't support other posters 110% and blow smoke up you know where telling them they can do it if they keep trying, that you're a horrible nurse (and someone they would never want taking care of their loved one- which is fine by me, I don't want to put up with their crazy family issues and insecurities). Not even thinking about the fact that our job as nurses is to NOT give false hope (and telling someone taking the NCLEX for the nth time, or failing a class/classes they can pass can very well might be false hope).

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I'll bite. That was me who posted that response. As an FYI, that response wasn't just about that particular post as much as what I see is a recurring behavior from you. It has nothing to do with 'new nurses/students these days', as I'm neither young, naive, not entitled. I took that response of yours in the way that I see many of your responses and, honestly it chapped by hind parts. Yes, algebra is an excellent place to start but I'm old (and smart) enough to detect snark when I see it.

There are obviously times when many others here have been very tough love. There is a time for all of that; it's needed often. But sometimes it's all about the delivery. Maybe it's just about bring able to decipher tone in the written word but there were too many examples and too much history in this case. Maybe it was uncalled for but people get annoyed by things every day on this site so my response to you was no different than any other 'Mary Alpha-Nurse' response so...

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.
I'll bite. That was me who posted that response. As an FYI, that response wasn't just about that particular post as much as what I see is a recurring behavior from you. It has nothing to do with 'new nurses/students these days', as I'm neither young, naive, not entitled. I took that response of yours in the way that I see many of your responses and, honestly it chapped by hind parts. Yes, algebra is an excellent place to start but I'm old (and smart) enough to detect snark when I see it.

There are obviously times when many others here have been very tough love. There is a time for all of that; it's needed often. But sometimes it's all about the delivery. Maybe it's just about bring able to decipher tone in the written word but there were too many examples and too much history in this case. Maybe it was uncalled for but people get annoyed by things every day on this site so my response to you was no different than any other 'Mary Alpha-Nurse' response so...

1. I have not said anything whatsoever about "new nurses these days." And the only reference I've made to students is that they ask us questions.

2. If you can detect snark from "Algebra 101," when Algebra 101 is a perfectly appropriate answer, then you have indeed provided an outstanding illustration for this thread. Thank you for that.

3. No one should attempt to decipher "tone" from the online written word. That will get you into trouble every time.

4. If you truly believe that asking me if someone tore my fingernails out as a child is "no different than any other response," then you honestly have my sympathy. I am sorry for anyone whose mind goes to such extremes over a one-word answer. I am sorry for anyone who even thinks of those things.

5. Please do us both a favor and refrain from reading any of my posts, given that you don't care for my "recurring behavior." We will both rest easier for it. I will indulge myself in some snark and say that I'm not sure who made you the judge, jury or parent of anyone's "behavior" on an online forum as we have sufficient moderators who do that in a much less judgmental way. At any rate, that is a topic for another thread......

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Specializes in Family Medicine, Tele/Cardiac, Camp.

I think that sometimes direct, blunt, and to-the-point can come across as being dismissive, short, or sarcastic. I've had people interpret my responses to them as being these things long before the internet was around and I was continually having to explain myself to family, friends, teachers, and even people in positions of authority over me that no I *don't* have an attitude. I was honest-to-god just answering the question.

I think people who tend to be quite literal are often misunderstood as people who are sarcastic and mean whereas people who tend to be calm and use a lot of diplomatic sensitive language to convey what they are feeling can be misunderstood as needing molly-coddling or being overly sensitive thin-skinned people.

This is even more amplified over the internet, texts, etc where 80% of our communication (and they say that 80% of communication is in the delivery, tone, and body language) can be neither conveyed nor experienced.

Hence, misunderstandings galore.

Still, it can be rough to find a happy medium. I certainly try to though.

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Specializes in MDS/ UR.

I had a go round with Roser13 years back in my time here. I vaguely remember being greatly annoyed at the time and swearing off her posts. Now, I would have to check the archives to even recall what it was about at this point. In the subsequent time, I have come to feel a lot of simpatico with her thoughts and words.

The big thing that changed me was realizing this is the internet. It's kind of like the neighborhood bar, backyard fence gossiping or confessional. You are going to hear and see a lot of things. You are going to get a lot of different takes and someone is going to respond in ways you never thought possible or may like. Is it really worth getting all that worked up over? Is this the hill you want to make your last stand on? That is my touchstone.

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Roser, if there was any snark or rudeness here, it was definitely NOT on your part. Algebra 101 is the easiest and most reliable way of calculating dosages and that's all that needed to be said. How anybody could interpret that otherwise and react that way is beyond me. I've been reading your posts for years and you seem like a very levelheaded and sensible person to me. Don't let meanness get to you.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.
Roser, if there was any snark or rudeness here, it was definitely NOT on your part. Algebra 101 is the easiest and most reliable way of calculating dosages and that's all that needed to be said. How anybody could interpret that otherwise and react that way is beyond me. I've been reading your posts for years and you seem like a very levelheaded and sensible person to me. Don't let meanness get to you.

Thank you. I have seen so many AN friends of like mind disappear over the years for this very reason. I can't say that I'm not tempted at times to just give up.

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Specializes in ICU.

Roser, it seems if we are blowing smoke up their butts these days we are rude and NETY. Giving people thoughtful and good advice is just awful!! God forbid we care about their financial futures or we ask them questions to think. We are just so meanby caring.

Im honestly tired of society today. Where we must only say positive no matter what and be feel-good people.

So many people are out if touch with reality. Nobody wants to hear reality.

So yes, spend $100k for a worthless degree, it's all unicorns and rainbows when you become a nurse, fast food is much harder, you will never clean poop as a nurse and we just laugh and giggle while occasionally administering an IV med.

Oh and call yourself a nurse when you have only thought about it. Call yourself a nurse before starting prereqs. Because I did not, at all, work my butt off for my title.

I think I need a break from here. People on here drive my mind bonkers.

You are awesome Roser!! I love you!!!

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It's not what you say but how you say it. That's just life.

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Specializes in ICU, trauma.

Sometimes the responses to these discussions can seem too blunt and directing the conversation to the wrong direction. This site is often helpful but can also be very condescending at times.

For example i see this way too much:

*Topic is posted about something bad that happened or somebody got in trouble. Acknowledging the mistake was their fault. Asking for advice on where to go from here*

9/10 responses will be about that the OP shouldnt have made the mistake in the first place

but over all i like this site and find it mostly helpful :)

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