Some days, I just don't get it. If there's anything that occasionally causes me to re-think my participation here, it is the fact that reality-based, honest answers are so often derided as rude & .....wait for it.....NETY. In some folks' worlds, the only good answer is a sugar-coated, rose-colored view of the nursing profession. Anything else is mean, rude & sarcastic. In my world, honest, realistic answers are the kindest, most thoughtful way to communicate with those who have questions. In my world, I would be doing a disservice to those who have questions if I did not tell the truth.
This week, someone actually spewed to me that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child because I was so rude when I suggested that an Algebra 101 book would be helpful for a nursing student who wanted to practice dosing calculations. I literally just answered "Algebra 101" to the question "what books can you recommend to help me with dosing calculations?" So I provided a reasonable recommendation of a book (and yes, dosing calculations are solved by pre-algebra and dimensional analysis) and I'm told that I'm so mean that I must have had my nails pulled out as a child?? Now, THAT'S rude, not to mention hateful and deliberately hurtful.
I don't get what folks want/expect/need from an Internet forum, but I apparently do not possess it. Some days...
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Dare I say it? There is somewhat of a generation gap at times. When I was a student or new grad, no one had the slightest qualm about verbally ripping me a new one. The patient was the important person, the priority was getting things done and doing them properly. My feelings did not enter the equation. It felt a bit demoralizing at times but I quickly learned to take nothing personally.
Fast forward a bit and we've learned that a little tact and diplomacy goes a long way. We can be just as effective mentors and teachers without the snark.
But it seems it's not enough. Just being matter-of-fact and to the point is now viewed as being abrupt or even sarcastic. It seems we have to walk on eggs and make sure to tell people exactly what they want to hear, in the way they want to hear it. The simplest exchange of information is a mine-field. It's simply too much work dealing with some people. So yeah, you did get fired because you were prettier than everyone else. They won't mind your chronic lateness at your next job.
It's not what you say but how you say it. That's just life.
And "how you say it" is not necessarily "how they read it." As evidenced by my previous example of vitriol shot my way because of a one-word, appropriate answer. Folks don't realize that they're displaying their own personal issues when they read sarcasm & rudeness into perfectly innocent posts. That too is life.
That's real mature (and just so there is no confusion on my tone, this is being said with sarcasm from a not sarcastic person). How you type (spacing, all caps, bold, italicized, punctuation, etc.) matters. Your punctuation there is really rude.
Going back to the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". If people read too much into the "tone" of a post that is their own fault and their own insecurities playing out.
ill leave this tidbit here and then I'm done. NO ONE (I repeat, no one) is saying not to give down-to-earth opinions or advice. There are quite a few ladies and gents here (I won't name names but know that tou are appreciated even if you're out off by this post) who do just that all or most of the time --they know how to be helpful without the condescension. Now, I am 46 years old (like you I grew up in a different era) and I don't need hand holding, smoke exhaled into any of my orificies, or any of those other cliche sayings. I admit I had a not nice moment but who doesn't.
I however won't back down about the snark. And this begs to be said: My original in the other post was a 2-sentence reply to a 2 word response. It's very funny how snark allows for such short, terse responses but when people want to garner some sort of sympathy from the masses there are all sorts of qualifiers about what was was said, hints about wanting to leave the board because "I just can't deal with this sometimes", etc. All I'm saying is that if as much thought was put into your overall responses, Roser, as the one's in this particular thread maybe I'd think differently. And maybe if I truly believed if some responses were to actually help many times I'd feel differently. And MAYBE if it were someone else that I saw some other type of response from I'd be able to take that stuff and run with it, because no, I and most other people don't need constant reassurances. But at least be respectful because no, I'm sorry, you don't have to come off that way to teach people about work or about life.
Roser, I hope you don't leave and that you live a long virtual life here in AN. There are obviously a good many folks here who really appreciate your breadth of knowledge and candor. My opinion is obviously just one but, just as many people have no qualms about expressing their in-the-moment feelings, I expressed mine. By the way, thanks for the call out. I feel pounds lighter now that I was able to get some of that out.
Though those that know me trust me, but I will always have to work on my delivery. On the flip side, and to my benefit in my opinion, I rarely consider delivery and focus on content.
I agree with Roser13's posts, they reflect worldly experience. Anyone who doesn't take her (his? I'm pretty sure her) posts at face value is shorting themselves of practical sensical advice.
ill leave this tidbit here and then I'm done. NO ONE (I repeat, no one) is saying not to give down-to-earth opinions or advice. There are quite a few ladies and gents here (I won't name names but know that tou are appreciated even if you're out off by this post) who do just that all or most of the time --they know how to be helpful without the condescension. Now, I am 46 years old (like you I grew up in a different era) and I don't need hand holding, smoke exhaled into any of my orificies, or any of those other cliche sayings. I admit I had a not nice moment but who doesn't.
I however won't back down about the snark. And this begs to be said: My original in the other post was a 2-sentence reply to a 2 word response. It's very funny how snark allows for such short, terse responses but when people want to garner some sort of sympathy from the masses there are all sorts of qualifiers about what was was said, hints about wanting to leave the board because "I just can't deal with this sometimes", etc. All I'm saying is that if as much thought was put into your overall responses, Roser, as the one's in this particular thread maybe I'd think differently. And maybe if I truly believed if some responses were to actually help many times I'd feel differently. And MAYBE if it were someone else that I saw some other type of response from I'd be able to take that stuff and run with it, because no, I and most other people don't need constant reassurances. But at least be respectful because no, I'm sorry, you don't have to come off that way to teach people about work or about life.
Roser, I hope you don't leave and that you live a long virtual life here in AN. There are obviously a good many folks here who really appreciate your breadth of knowledge and candor. My opinion is obviously just one but, just as many people have no qualms about expressing their in-the-moment feelings, I expressed mine. By the way, thanks for the call out. I feel pounds lighter now that I was able to get some of that out.
I've said plenty in real life and on this site that missed the mark. I prefer to admit my own short coming, apologize and move on. There's just no rationalizing statements such as must have had fingernails ripped off as a child.
There are some days when I read posts here and say OMG!!!! So I switch over to Facebook and say D***!!!! So, I get in my car, go for a drive and say WT*!!!! So, I go back back home, pick up the remote, start channel-surfing, and say sonuva*****!!! Then, it's time to go back to work! So I say, Lord, forgive me for ALL that I've said and please, if You help me get through this ******** at work, I promise I'll watch what I say tomorrow.
......just trying to put a smile on a few faces here.
There are some days when I read posts here and say OMG!!!! So I switch over to Facebook and say D***!!!! So, I get in my car, go for a drive and say WT*!!!! So, I go back back home, pick up the remote, start channel-surfing, and say sonuva*****!!! Then, it's time to go back to work! So I say, Lord, forgive me for ALL that I've said and please, if You help me get through this ******** at work, I promise I'll watch what I say tomorrow.
......just trying to put a smile on a few faces here.
Considering that we all have different personalities and perspectives, no matter how politically correct you aim to be, someone will ALWAYS take offense on the internet.
Also, some posters come here only to seek the answers they want. They are looking for validation, and nothing more.
If you don't agree with a particular viewpoint, ignore it and move on.
If someone annoys me, I don't respond. I certainly don't give them a scathing response that is far more abrasive and belligerent than the post I'm responding to. That's how wars are started.
There are just some posters here whom I dislike as people. Why bother with them?
:yes:
TriciaJ, RN
4,328 Posts
Dare I say it? There is somewhat of a generation gap at times. When I was a student or new grad, no one had the slightest qualm about verbally ripping me a new one. The patient was the important person, the priority was getting things done and doing them properly. My feelings did not enter the equation. It felt a bit demoralizing at times but I quickly learned to take nothing personally.
Fast forward a bit and we've learned that a little tact and diplomacy goes a long way. We can be just as effective mentors and teachers without the snark.
But it seems it's not enough. Just being matter-of-fact and to the point is now viewed as being abrupt or even sarcastic. It seems we have to walk on eggs and make sure to tell people exactly what they want to hear, in the way they want to hear it. The simplest exchange of information is a mine-field. It's simply too much work dealing with some people. So yeah, you did get fired because you were prettier than everyone else. They won't mind your chronic lateness at your next job.