What's the difference between a man having kids at 35 and a woman? I know there's a cut off point for a woman where it will be harder on having children because of menopause and things alike but what about a guy? Eventually our sperm production decreases no?
I'm asking because from the looks of it, I don't want children until my mid 30s at least (I am 23 now). I just have a lot of goals I want to achieve. Becoming a Nurse is one of them. After that, I want to start saving up for business opportunities (owning rental properties/homes and other things that I will leave out but giving you an example).
RIght now I'm working on my ADN, hoping to start the program in the upcoming Spring semester and finish by the end of 2017 or mid 2018 the latest. Then immediately afterwards work on my BSN part-time, while working as a Nurse at the hospital I'm already working in as a Ward Clerk.
I am surprised to see some of these comments! I do not live in the most progressive state and even here women are pushing off babies till early 30's. I had my first at 21, 24, then my final baby last year at 27. I am usually the youngest at school events. There are many benefits to waiting to have children. Seriously, take it from someone who has been there! Nursing school, career, and everything with three kids, would have been way easier if I had done it before. If I could back and have the exact three kids I have now, starting right now, I would.
Of course there are increased chances you could have a harder time getting pregnant (honestly all the people I know who had a hard time getting pregnant are my age, late 20's) but there is IVF and a whole loot of other reproductive services to help women out. Be independent, get your career established, find someone you actually LIKE and enjoy being around, then start a family. So much less stress. My husband and I got lucky, we had an unintended pregnancy at a young age and by all statistics we should be divorced. Most of the couples I know that had kids around that age ARE divorced. We have just been able to grow up together instead of growing apart. People change so much between 20's and 30's, and that can be hard for many couples to get through, let alone without throwing children in the mix!!
I will definitely be encouraging my children till wait till AT LEAST 30 to start a family. I want them to do all the things I never did like travel the world, take any job opportunities that come their way without worrying about daycare, and find out what they want out of a life partner before they settle down.
That said, I love my babies to the moon and back. I wouldn't have worked this hard if it weren't for my kids. But, as I emphasized, overall, it's better to wait.
Fertility services can be quite expensive, not to mention unsuccessful. I agree that there are benefits to waiting. In fact, I am one of the "waiters". That being said, people need to be realistic about their biology. If having kids is very important to an individual, it's best not to wait until the 30's ...especially mid to late 30's and especially for females. It could work out OK, but there's a high probability that it won't. Walk into any fertility specialist's office and look around. It's full of women with established careers who have seen the world.
If I had to do over--I would have had my children younger. I am a woman and am fine but their dad is old as dirt. He does not do anything with them and has had 4 heart attacks. He just lays around on the couch. He is late 50's and they are older teens. Don't do this to your kids.
I wish we had started earlier. I actually went off b/c at 25 but didn't get directed into the fertility treatment path until 29. (We have male factor infertility.) We attempted IUI #1 a few months ago but I didn't respond well enough to the hyper stimulation. So I just ended IUI #1 in both a miscarriage (twin#1) and an ectopic (twin #2). I turn 30 in December and we won't be able to try again until March because of the medication given to me for my ectopic. It's a rush especially because we would like two children, at least, but in the fertility world 35 is, like, the magic age where anything afterwards is accelerated and there is a big push for IVF.
I'm a big proponent of waiting, personally. My mother was a hair away from 40 when I was born - our birthdays are less than a month apart. I loved being raised by people who had their crap together, had a house, had money... I didn't want for anything as a kid. I went to the best private school around, we took regular trips up to our lake house, and summers were always a free-for-all at Barnes & Noble - I got all the books I wanted anytime I wanted new books. I don't consider the way I grew up and the fact that I've always been a straight A student who just flew easily through school to be unrelated. When you have more resources, and you can pay for all the educational activities that your children want and can send them to the best schools, they do well and have better odds of being successful as adults.
I'm not slamming people who have kids in their 20s, really, but how able are they to provide those kinds of resources for their children when they have student loans still hanging over their heads, their pay is still close to the entry-level end of the pay scale, and their savings are minimal since they're fresh out of college, assuming they went to college at all?
...Random interjection, but health problems can strike at any age. I see a lot of people talking about having parents with health problems at a young age. I just had a 38 year old at my job die of a massive heart attack. He'd already had amputations from his diabetes, a previous CABG, and was in renal failure. I also had a younger than 35 mom die of sleep apnea recently - also morbidly obese. If you don't take care of yourself, your kids might be out a parent when they're young regardless of how old you are. Conversely, my mother is 67 and doesn't take a single prescription medicine, and I took her for a vacation that involved a lot of walking/hiking for her birthday this year. I honestly think she's in better shape than I am.
I had both my kiddos before I was 21yrs old. My husband (their dad) and I are now empty nesters and we are 44yrs old. LOVE our time together without the kids and we are still young and healthy. If I had a new infant at my age I would not have the energy. Bless those moms out there who do have children over 40yrs old. You rock!
Male fertility does decrease with age, but it's less of a dramatic dropoff the way it is for women and more of a gradual decline in fertility and increase in the risk of health problems. Sperm motility and count both decrease gradually with age, as does the risk of performance issues that can complicate the process (having sex every day on command for the fertile period sounds kind of fun when you're young, is sometimes more challenging when you're older).
The bigger issue is that since dramatic age differences between partners aren't all that common, the person you wind up with may well be facing a sudden dropoff in her own fertility at the time you're ready to start having kids, and your gradual decline may compound any potential difficulties.
On the other hand, people do have children in their late thirties and forties- my grandmother had her first child at 39 and had 3 total, and this was in the 1950s. It's just that the potential for there being problems- and the time frame you have in which to address any problems that arise- grows the longer you wait.
None of which is to say "have kids before you're ready"- I have waited till my thirties because I wasn't at all ready in my 20s, and if it doesn't work out, that's okay- I'm still glad I didn't have kids before I was ready. Just be aware that if you pick a remotely age-appropriate partner, she may have a different outlook on the risk profile she's willing to accept and how willing she is to delay childbearing, knowing that the longer she waits, the more likely it is it won't happen at all.
My brother didn't want children until he was older. The only trouble was that when he was dating with a view to getting married, the women his age (mid 30s)were ready to marry and have children before he was. He found the younger women immature because of the age gap.
He eventually married someone a couple of years older, but age-related fertility problems are real.
Specializes in Pharmaceutical Research, Operating Room.
LOL well one of the huge differences I've personally noticed is that it's completely acceptable for a man to wait until his middle/late 30s....or even never.... to father children. For women, including myself, the only value we seem to have to a LOT of people is related how many kids we're going pump out and how early we're going to do it.......
Specializes in ER/Tele, Med-Surg, Faculty, Urgent Care.
Had my only daughter at 38. The L&D nurses kept asking if it was my first pregnancy. I'm Mexican-American and we have lots of teen moms. The number of times I was asked if I was the grandmother of the mom, wish I had a nickel! Had to have amniocentesis too. Ended up as single mom. So glad I had my BSN and could provide for her.
You're a guy, do it when you're ready. Maybe your wife is not born yet but you know what i mean. How you think gonna be physically changing diaper at 54 or running after a toddler at 56.
Pangea Reunited, ASN, RN
1,547 Posts
Fertility services can be quite expensive, not to mention unsuccessful. I agree that there are benefits to waiting. In fact, I am one of the "waiters". That being said, people need to be realistic about their biology. If having kids is very important to an individual, it's best not to wait until the 30's ...especially mid to late 30's and especially for females. It could work out OK, but there's a high probability that it won't. Walk into any fertility specialist's office and look around. It's full of women with established careers who have seen the world.