What's the difference between a man having kids at 35 and a woman? I know there's a cut off point for a woman where it will be harder on having children because of menopause and things alike but what about a guy? Eventually our sperm production decreases no?
I'm asking because from the looks of it, I don't want children until my mid 30s at least (I am 23 now). I just have a lot of goals I want to achieve. Becoming a Nurse is one of them. After that, I want to start saving up for business opportunities (owning rental properties/homes and other things that I will leave out but giving you an example).
RIght now I'm working on my ADN, hoping to start the program in the upcoming Spring semester and finish by the end of 2017 or mid 2018 the latest. Then immediately afterwards work on my BSN part-time, while working as a Nurse at the hospital I'm already working in as a Ward Clerk.
I had "unexplained infertility", that explained itself at 37 with a surprise pregnancy, and birth of my third child. Who rocks.
With the many advantages of IVF, and other reproductive options, people are having babies well into their 40's.
It is less of a struggle to be an older parent. Not only financially, but my sense of zen. And I will still do my thing at school stuff, and made some incredible friends....that are not much older than my oldest child!! But I find that refreshing.
I wish we had started earlier. I actually went off b/c at 25 but didn't get directed into the fertility treatment path until 29. (We have male factor infertility.) We attempted IUI #1 a few months ago but I didn't respond well enough to the hyper stimulation. So I just ended IUI #1 in both a miscarriage (twin#1) and an ectopic (twin #2). I turn 30 in December and we won't be able to try again until March because of the medication given to me for my ectopic. It's a rush especially because we would like two children, at least, but in the fertility world 35 is, like, the magic age where anything afterwards is accelerated and there is a big push for IVF.
To clarify, we see A LOT of OLD MEN at student events. Because most of the dads are OLD AS DIRT. Are the females trophy wives or do they just look younger because males don't age well or because the women are just younger or do they use Botox?? I don't know. But at every event, I see age-appropriate-looking moms and old fart dads. Every time.
I should also say that when my husband & I are out with our grandson we get a lot of strange looks because, since he started talking, the grandson has called all his grandmas "momma" & all his grandpas "papa". When people hear that they think we're his parents. You know what? It doesn't bother us one bit.
Most kids with downs are born to women who are less than 35 years old. So you could look at that both ways. Being older has a higher risk however, it still can happen to anyone
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I had my son at 35- hes ok so far (lol- hes a teenager now) but some of the school functions were awkward- maybe its a regional thing too, as a lot of the parents don't even look to be 35 (we're 50), its a rural school consisting of 4 towns.
It definitely is regional. We live in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood. At our local elementary school, it's about 70% Hispanic, with most of the parents non-English speaking. I remember throwing a birthday party for my daughter (my second child) a few years ago, and most of the girls invited were Mexican. Now mind you, I had my first two kids relatively young in life, (24, 26), but at the time, I was in my late 30s, and I remember thinking that many of the parents who were dropping their kids off to my daughter's party could have been young enough to be MY children!
The contrast is even more stark now, with my youngest in elementary school. I was 34 when I had him, and again, most of the other parents are young enough to be my children.
It certainly doesn't BOTHER me, but it's definitely an interesting observation.
Edited to add another observation: My daughter, now in high school, lives with her father during the week because she far prefers the high school in the suburb in which he lives (middle/upper-middle class white people, mainly). Anyway, we went to her fall musical production (Addams Family - it was brilliant!), and my husband and I noted the hugely different demographic of parents, merely 10 miles away from where we live. Mostly older, aging hipster types, white, piercings and tattoos. We were definitely not the oldest parents in the room.
My sociological observation is, if the community has more educated people that make more money, the parents are more likely to be older.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
Most kids with downs are born to women who are less than 35 years old.
That's just an odds thing. The reason that is is because most women having children are under 35.
Nothing "magic" happens at 35 - it's just that that is the arbitrary cutoff medicine has decided to call women "AMA". But the fact is, a woman's eggs get older every year, and every year, the risk of aneuploidy increases. Biologically, women are meant to have babies in their teens.
But if you look at the risk of aneuploidy stratified by age, it's HUGELY increased once a woman gets into her 40s.
Also, because this is a pet peeve of mine. It's not "downs" - it's Down Syndrome. No "s" at the end of "Down"
We adopted from China at 32. It has been incredible. And maybe because we are at a private school and other parents tend to be more mature as well we are actually right in the middle as far as age...there are older parents and maybe a couple of younger parents. We'll be 50 when DD graduates HS and I don't consider that old. I don't FEEL old right now at 43. Well, most days. HEE HEE. But, heck, I felt old sometimes when I was 32 and waking up in the middle of the night with a baby.
Not that I've encouraged her to get married and have kids but I imagine I'll survive to see it should it happen.
And, I consider it a blessing that we both finished all of our schooling (2 college degrees each), got far into our careers, and did lots of traveling prior to becoming parents. Now we can afford to parent, have a nice home, and really are just settled into family life. It's really, really nice just to enjoy this stage.
Specializes in Allergy/ENT, Occ Health, LTC/Skilled.
I am surprised to see some of these comments! I do not live in the most progressive state and even here women are pushing off babies till early 30's. I had my first at 21, 24, then my final baby last year at 27. I am usually the youngest at school events. There are many benefits to waiting to have children. Seriously, take it from someone who has been there! Nursing school, career, and everything with three kids, would have been way easier if I had done it before. If I could back and have the exact three kids I have now, starting right now, I would.
Of course there are increased chances you could have a harder time getting pregnant (honestly all the people I know who had a hard time getting pregnant are my age, late 20's) but there is IVF and a whole loot of other reproductive services to help women out. Be independent, get your career established, find someone you actually LIKE and enjoy being around, then start a family. So much less stress. My husband and I got lucky, we had an unintended pregnancy at a young age and by all statistics we should be divorced. Most of the couples I know that had kids around that age ARE divorced. We have just been able to grow up together instead of growing apart. People change so much between 20's and 30's, and that can be hard for many couples to get through, let alone without throwing children in the mix!!
I will definitely be encouraging my children till wait till AT LEAST 30 to start a family. I want them to do all the things I never did like travel the world, take any job opportunities that come their way without worrying about daycare, and find out what they want out of a life partner before they settle down.
That said, I love my babies to the moon and back. I wouldn't have worked this hard if it weren't for my kids. But, as I emphasized, overall, it's better to wait.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
There are no valid peer reviewed study's on this. the fact is that most children with down syndrome are born to women under 35 simply because they have more babies. The idea that older women are more likely to have babies with down's syndrome come from tabulating statistics from very small study samples that have no relevance to the entire population. As more women are delaying childbirth beyond their 35th birthday we are seeing statistically the same numbers for women below 35 as those above 35.
To the OP - as a male you can father children well into old age. Comedian George Burn's fathered a child at 100 years old. Still I would warn you that parenting is rewarding but exhausting business. So if you want kids and have a willing partner who is also wanting to be a parent go for it.
I can definitely relate to you. When I was younger I always thought I would be married and have a family at the age of 25 ( wanted to enjoy them while I was young & retire earlier). However, now that I am actually 25 I wonder what in the world was I thinking. I plan to go back for my Masters eventually and advance my career. So, I don't for see kids in my future until the age of 29. However, I am a female and your a male so you can probably have one at 50 if you so chose to but bare in mind that once you've fallen head over heels for Lady Love if your not already your perspective will more than likely change once she puts her two cents on the matter..Lol! I'm pretty sure years down the road you'll figure out a way to have your cookie and eat it too. Sorry for any typos using my cellphone and auto correct is driving me nuts....; )
jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B
9 Articles; 4,800 Posts
I had a couple in my 20's.
I had "unexplained infertility", that explained itself at 37 with a surprise pregnancy, and birth of my third child. Who rocks.
With the many advantages of IVF, and other reproductive options, people are having babies well into their 40's.
It is less of a struggle to be an older parent. Not only financially, but my sense of zen. And I will still do my thing at school stuff, and made some incredible friends....that are not much older than my oldest child!! But I find that refreshing.