poppycat ADN, BSN

My daughter is on the spectrum & is finishing her last 3 classes for a Master's in addiction counseling.

"You know old men should never trust a fart!"

I have SAD in the summer along with my bipolar 2. My psychiatrist usually just tweaks whatever antidepressant I'm already taking to get me through it. I almost never have SAD in the colder months. I also take vitamin D3 because my vitamin D level has been low for a long time. I've been taking it for about 5 years & have not noticed any difference with my symptoms.

Congratulations on the baby! That was good planning!

When I worked in hospitals I always volunteered to work Christmas Eve & Christmas Day so I could have New Year's Eve & day off. My birthday is January 2nd & a lot of the places I worked used to give us our birthdays off so that gave me 3 days in a row off. Working holidays never bothered me because my family would just celebrate on a different day. I work private duty home care now so it's my choice whether I want to work holidays. I used to work all the holidays except Christmas Eve & day but since my agency took away our night, weekend, & holiday differentials, I refuse to work any holidays.

I have suffered severe depression since I was 7 years old. In the early 1990's I made 2 very serious attempts (the first one very nearly succeeded). After the 2nd attempt, I did a lot of soul searching & came to the conclusion that it simply was not my time to die, that there must be something more I'm supposed to accomplish here. I decided that if those 2 serious attempts had not worked there's not much point in trying it again. In 2005 I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 & finally found medication that works for me. Every once in a while when things get really tough, the thought that I'd be better off dead still goes through my mind but I no longer feel the need to act on it. It IS all about ending whatever pain you are in at the time. I never judge anyone who tells me they've thought about or attempted suicide because I completely understand what brings people to that point.

I was exposed to deaths of close relatives from a very young age. When my grandpa died his body was "laid out" in the family home for 3 days before the funeral. This was the norm in our family. This was in the 1960's, by the way. Because of having the experience of losing many family members I've never been afraid of being around death or dead bodies. It was always just a natural part of life. When my dad passed away this past March I felt honored to be able to do his post mortem care. I saw that as me caring for the parent who had cared for me all my life.

I sure am happy I didn't ask for a cookie while I was hospitalized this week!!

I remember reading your original post about the problems you were dealing with and I'm so glad to hear you finally got a diagnosis. Even though it's a challenge to deal with, at least you now know what it is you're dealing with. There's a website I use a lot to connect with others who have the same health challenges as I do & I've learned tons from others about things that help them as well as sharing things that have helped me. I don't think we're allowed to post links to other sites so I'll PM you with the information.

This is a great article! I've been tossing the idea around in my brain for a few months of trying to get back into hospital nursing. I feel like I'm getting a little stagnant in private duty & need more stimulation. This is exactly the type of information I need to have if I'm to be able to compete in this job market. I'm also updating my resume with some great suggestions I've found.

I started having panic attacks the day my divorce from my first husband was finalized in 1985. Within a year they had progressed to full-blown agoraphobia. I did not leave my house for over a year because I was sure that if I set foot out the door the world would come to an end & it would be my fault. It took lots of therapy & a few years of Xanax to get me through that. I still get panic attacks once in a while but I now have tools I did not have back then & I don't become incapacitated by them. I now know that I'm more powerful than the panic!

My dad took his final journey in March, dying on Good Friday. He was admitted to an inpatient hospice unit the Tuesday before he died. Little did my sister & I know that this unit is staffed with nurses who float from the rest of the hospital & have no training in hospice philosophy. Two nights in a row dad had nurses who refused to give him adequate pain medication because they "didn't believe" in giving very much. They didn't want him to be "out of it". Are you kidding me?! The whole point of him being in hospice was for pain control. Not until 10 hours before he passed away was his pain actually addressed effectively. This whole experience has put hospice in a very bad light with me. I only hope no one else's family has to go through what we did. He suffered more in hospice than he had been at home.

I also have struggled with depression since the age of 7. I remember back then repeatedly wishing I could "make myself dead". I'm now 56 & was finally given a correct diagnosis of bipolar 7 years ago. I've been on the right meds for me & I feel like an actual human being. I have no shame about having a mental illness because it's not something I had a choice about. It's just the way I was born. I also have had several courses of ECT in the last 25 years & can honestly say it saved my life. I had no ill effects from it other than a mild headache after each treatment.

Thank you so much for posting this article! I just went through 6 weeks of intensive outpatient treatment for food & shopping addictions. I am also a recovering alcoholic with 24 years sobriety. I have been a binge eater for almost 20 years but it wasn't until I got on the scale a few months ago & discovered I'd gained 60+ lbs. in 1year that I admitted it's a problem. Fortunately, there is an addiction recovery place close to my home that deals with "process addictions" (food, spending,gambling, sex) as well as chemical addictions. I can't even believe the insight I gained & how much I learned about myself in the past 6 weeks. I will now be starting individual therapy with a counselor who specializes in process addictions as well as attending OA & Debtors Anonymous meetings. For whatever reason, it was much harder for me to admit these addictions than it was for me to admit being an alcoholic but I will always be grateful that I was able to find the appropriate help when I needed it.

Yesterday was my 56th birthday. I was talking with a few friends who are around my age & we decided we wouldn't go back & do our 20's & 30's over again for anything. Life was hard for me those 2 decades & I felt very old then because life was beating me down. Now it seems life has turned around for me in the last 20 or so years & I'm enjoying it so much. I have a wonderful husband, daughter, & a grandson who will be 1 year old in 11 days. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything I had back then. There is no substitute for life experience & I firmly believe everything I went through earlier in life made me the strong, confident person I am today. The only sad thing about my birthday this year is that my present to myself was a cane. The pain in my legs from my RA is so bad that I finally had to admit I need a little help getting around. Oh well, at least I found a pretty cane with butterflies on it so it doesn't look too old ladyish!