No, I am not going to do that

[ShayRN]

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up. I would do ALMOST anything for my patients, but this was my conversation tonight.

Mr. Doe, I am leaving soon. Do you need anything else before I go home?

Yeah, I need to pee.

OK, no problem, I hand him the urinal and tell him I will leave to give him privacy. Asked him to call when he was done. This is where it gets weird.

Mr. Doe "No, you can't go. You need to help pull it out of my pants and put it in there."

Me "Mr. Doe, you have been using your hands all night to feed yourself. You were living at home taking care of yourself until yesterday. Who did this for you at home before you left and who will do it for you when you go home?"

Mr. Doe "I can do it when I am at home. But here I need you girls to help. Now, put your gloves on and get over here."

Me "Tell ya what, Mr. Doe, I am not going to do this for you. However, if you really need help, I will send the night nurse in to help. Jack will be down in a minute, K?"

We were all shocked when Mr. Doe had managed to use the urinal all by himself by the time Jack made it down the hallway. Really, did he think I was completely naive? Been a nurse for a long time and a woman even longer.

[Dalzac, LPN, LVN, RN]

It happens everywhere. I worked in a hospital that had a prison ward. So we had several that would come in to ICU occasionally.

I had one patient that was an OD but he was just in for observation. The guards had put him in a spead eagle 4 point chains. One of the guards had a Napolean attitude, a bad one. The patient needed to use the urinal and was soooo pleased that I was going to grab it and put the urinal where it needed to go. UGH So I asked the guard to undo one hand so the prisoner could use the bathroom. This little creep(guard) said no and i take care of the "nursie" thing and he will watch the prisoner. I was so fed up with the prisoner and the guard I just gave the guard the urinal and told him he could hold the prisoners d#ck, and walked out. Needless to say one hand was freed and the paient used the urinal all by his self.

[honeykrown, MSN, NP]

Did that take care of his need to wilt, ASAP???

She went in there joking with him ( i was shocked at first), then she got to the main story about messing with her students and that wasnt allowed. She left the room telling me that the pt's tried it to see who would have sex with them, i was like "Waaat" and she said dont be shocked, people do it all the time. I went back to the room and he said he was testing me so i could sharpen my skills. I rolled my eyes and said whatever. And to make matters worse i was suppose to look at his testicles. I didnt bother

[Bortaz, MSN, RN]

Just to make this issue completely hideous: when I was in 1st semester of nursing school, a female classmate in clinical on a rehab floor asked for my help getting a knee replacement into the shower. He had been very aggressive and flirty with this nurse, so she was uncomfortable and wanted a male with her.

We get the old cat onto the shower chair and start scrubbing him as only new nursing students can do. She took the top, and I started polishing the stones.

By now, we have half our class and our instructor watching, I'm soaking wet, and he's asked 3 or 4 times for me to again scrub the pellets.

Finally, I've lost patience and tell him "your hands aren't broken, and if they arent clean enough to suit you, do it yourself. "

As I was walking out of the bathroom, I noticed my instructor rolling on the floor laughing. She tells me "man, I was wondering how many times you were going to wash that old dudes nuts before you finally caught on!"

As a 41 year old fella, I was not amused. Did learn a lesson, though...I now work with babies.

[Sue Damonas, BSN]

Just to make this issue completely hideous: when I was in 1st semester of nursing school, a female classmate in clinical on a rehab floor asked for my help getting a knee replacement into the shower. He had been very aggressive and flirty with this nurse, so she was uncomfortable and wanted a male with her.

We get the old cat onto the shower chair and start scrubbing him as only new nursing students can do. She took the top, and I started polishing the stones.

By now, we have half our class and our instructor watching, I'm soaking wet, and he's asked 3 or 4 times for me to again scrub the pellets.

Finally, I've lost patience and tell him "your hands aren't broken, and if they arent clean enough to suit you, do it yourself. "

As I was walking out of the bathroom, I noticed my instructor rolling on the floor laughing. She tells me "man, I was wondering how many times you were going to wash that old dudes nuts before you finally caught on!"

As a 41 year old fella, I was not amused. Did learn a lesson, though...I now work with babies.

:hhmth:Polishing the stones!!

[Bortaz, MSN, RN]

:beer::beer::beer:

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

Yes, I've seen the so-called dementia or very forgetful old men play these types of tricks on the new, young RNs along with the erections, etc.

Some younger girls never catch on & the older nurses have had to pull them aside & explain they're being played.

I remember one lady patient saying to me that every man turns into a dirty old man.

After doing nursing, I tend to agree with her!

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Well, as the later generations get into old age... were gonna have grannies with boob jobs, and their gonna be wanting Botox and Brazilians as part of regular upkeep.

You must be working at the same hospital in Boca Raton, FL that I did.

There is more plastic and artificial parts in the local cemetery than any landfill. No one will ever decay.

[nursel56]

That's so funny!! Discovery Channel features hosts of the future they will be picking up an implant and saying, "isn't this fascinating, Nigel?"

[workingharder]

"I remember one lady patient saying to me that every man turns into a dirty old man.

After doing nursing, I tend to agree with her!"

Hey! Now,hold on there. That's just not,...well, I mean not all of us, umm...it's...uhh,...see...most of,... well no,...it's just that there are some of us who,...oh, yea, right...never mind...:uhoh21:

[mustlovepoodles, RN]

As a 41 year old fella, I was not amused. Did learn a lesson, though...I now work with babies.

I hear you. It took me less than a year to figure out that male patients were just nasty-wasty. I have been flashed, felt up, and propositioned 6 ways to Sunday. But that all ended when i went into NICU nursing. There isn't enough money on the PLANET to get me to work with adult males. I work with children ages 5-11 and even *they* aren'ts as interested in their "toys" as grown men are. Sheesh, guys! It isn't attractive. In fact, your junk looks sorta stupid. What makes them think we want to look at it at work?

[Pug RN]

Before I was a nurse, I was an Air Force pharmacy technician. We were busy one day, and this little, shriveled old retiree came to the window and said he had some "personal" questions about his medication. Our very proper pharmacist and myself went to the back door for a private consult with this "gentleman" to see what he needed. As we opened the back door, he got this nasty grin on his face, dropped his drawers, and said he needed us to "show him how to use his suppository."

Fortunately, there were lots of men in our unit. When a couple of them came back to "help" Seargeant Pervert out, he suddenly remembered that he knew how to use his own suppository.

[caregiver1977]

The only times I've had problems with sexually inappropriate patients is when I've been pulled to the locked psyche unit. And both times it was female schizophrenic patients with long histories of being sexually inappropriate and/or nymphomania.

Pretty awkward when the patient BM'ed her pants in an attempt to get me to clean her. I had to help (limited amount of staff) but I didn't do much of the hands on part.

The logic escapes me, how is it suppose to be hot or seductive to ruin your pants?

It doesn't help that I'm drop dead gorgeous with big beautiful green eyes and wide manly shoulders :D j/k ;-)

Sorry, but there are people who find this highly exciting. A quick search on the internet can confirm this. Sadly I found out while trying to research some bowel problems my child was having!

I think a person is awfully pathetic to have to sexually harrass hospital staff in order to try to get off.