No, I am not going to do that

[ShayRN]

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up. I would do ALMOST anything for my patients, but this was my conversation tonight.

Mr. Doe, I am leaving soon. Do you need anything else before I go home?

Yeah, I need to pee.

OK, no problem, I hand him the urinal and tell him I will leave to give him privacy. Asked him to call when he was done. This is where it gets weird.

Mr. Doe "No, you can't go. You need to help pull it out of my pants and put it in there."

Me "Mr. Doe, you have been using your hands all night to feed yourself. You were living at home taking care of yourself until yesterday. Who did this for you at home before you left and who will do it for you when you go home?"

Mr. Doe "I can do it when I am at home. But here I need you girls to help. Now, put your gloves on and get over here."

Me "Tell ya what, Mr. Doe, I am not going to do this for you. However, if you really need help, I will send the night nurse in to help. Jack will be down in a minute, K?"

We were all shocked when Mr. Doe had managed to use the urinal all by himself by the time Jack made it down the hallway. Really, did he think I was completely naive? Been a nurse for a long time and a woman even longer.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

When I worked in Urology we had lots of nasty stuff. I brought a 30 something back to his exam room. He was overweight and panting by the time I got him to the room. I asked him what brought him here that day. He proceeded to show me.. The man had a horrible case of genital herpes and he wanted some of the warts removed. (Not uncommon) Then he proceeds to tell me how he is the "strech hummer limo driver" and he and the Hooters girls go out all of the time. He was wondering if I wanted to go out and have fun.. I think I threw up a little in my mouth, but I managed to escape. The Doc told him that I would not be able to make it that night. Ugh!