Night Shift & Relationships

[nurse2592]

Im strongly considering a night shift hospital position. Ive been wanting to give the hospital another try over the past few years, but having the same “9-5” schedule as my partner has kept me from trying it. We dont have kids yet. But my partner is worried that working night shift would affect our relationship. If you work nights, do you find the different schedules affect your relationship? How do you make it work?

[CalicoKitty, BSN, MSN, RN]

I just dislike weekend work mostly. For nights, I'm content seeing my hubby when I leave/arrive home. Working nights, my evenings off I'm up with him. I just stay up and sleep while he's working. It is also helpful because I can do some of the "daytime" stuff that needs to be done when he's working (taking the car for inspection, etc). I like having a good amount of "alone" time, and a good amount of time together. No kids here, either.

[ruby_jane, BSN, RN]

It definitely will affect how things are. Mr. Ruby Jane started his career as a night nurse. He would get home in time for breakfast and I would get home just before dinner so we saw each other daily, regardless. It made the few times we were both alert and awake better, but it also meant that every other weekend the kids and I had to get out of the house so he could sleep.

I think the bigger question is: how would this affect you? Night shift isn't for everyone (it wasn't for me!)

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

Night shift is bad for (most) people. If you're not one of those rare folks who thrive on nights you may adjust somewhat, but it's an omnipresent albatross around your neck.

It also made dating somewhat hellacious for me, so I'd imagine it would be a burden on a marriage/partnership as well...

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

It may affect your relationship now, but I can tell you that as a mother, I never saw my son during the days that I worked. He was in bed when I left for work and he was in bed when I came home.

Work days if that's going to be better for both of you right now. Your priorities will shift after having children (if that's in the cards) and you both will work towards what is best for them.

Always do what is best for you at this moment, because these moments of time never last.

[RatherBHiking, BSN, RN]

Only you can answer what's best. My husband worked nights for years. It didn't bother me. It was actually kind of nice to have the house to myself some evenings a week. LOL!! Plus now is the ideal time to do it because you don't have kids. If you're the type that wants to be together every waking moment then don't do it, otherwise, might as well try it now!

[brownbook]

I am very flexible and adaptable....I have a tee shirt that says Adapt, Improvise, Overcome :). Working nights was fine for me with a husband and young kids.

I only worked 32 hours a week. I think not working a 40 hour week helps a lot.

I worked 11 pm to 7 am for 17 years. I slept from 8 am ish, to 3 pm ish. My husband worked 8 - 5. We were together all evening. Every other weekend was no big deal. Worked Fri. Sat. night, off Sunday. Didn't bother me to just sleep a few hours Sunday so had that part of the weekend together.

I know you don't have kids...but night shift was a great shift for me vis a vis kids. I saw them a few minutes in the morning, and was home in the afternoon when they came home. Because I was only 32 hours a week I seldom missed a school field trip, school play, school assembly, etc.

As others said. Being home week days is great for errands, chores, routine maintenance stuff that's hard to do on the weekends.....or your whole weekend is "tied up" with doing chores you can't get done during the week if you both work Mon to Fri 8 - 5!

[Satori77, ADN]

I started on nights over a month ago. I thought it would be the perfect fit for our family. I would work nights and be home during the day if our kids needed anything, and he would be with them at night when I worked. I'm a night person too, and hated waking up to be at work at either 6 or 7am. I like the flow, less staff, and though it still very busy, I do have more downtime to chart and talk to my patients. And to be honest, I like the extra pay. But its only been a month and I'm rethinking it. I feel like I rarely see my husband or kids. My husband leaves before I get home and goes to bed early, and I often have to stay up late so I can handle it when I do have to work. I miss a lot of things or am super tired if we have plans during the day, which especially with kids is unavoidable. It is doable, but I find it very difficult to spend quality time together.

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

I've found it doable for the past few years. My boyfriend and I both get a healthy amount of alone time, so it works; he gets three nights a week to enjoy his hobbies, and I stay up later than he does on my nights off so I can read, do schoolwork, whatever. If you guys are somewhat independent, nights can be kind of nice.

The part that sucks is being tired. It makes it hard to get motivated to go out on dates together, and let's be real, constant exhaustion isn't fantastic for your sex life, lol. We're handling it okay for the moment, but I must admit I'm excited to see what happens once I find a days position.

[Swellz]

I find it's hard on a relationship to work opposing schedules, but my husband still married me so I guess it wasn't that bad. I proposed doing a nightshift contract for extra money this summer and he was strongly opposed, so I guess it wasn't that good either lol. But my body doesn't tolerate nightshift very well, so I don't know how much of his objection is the schedule vs my reaction to the schedule.

[Golden_RN, MSN]

I think that if you choose to be in a relationship with a nurse (or cop or firefighter, etc.), then you have to expect that they will most likely not work 9-5.

One good thing about being a nurse is that when I had a baby/small child, I found that working opposite shifts as my S.O. allowed us to avoid a lot of childcare. I could work weekend nocs or PMs while my S.O. was home with the child.

As someone else mentioned, it is also nice for each person to have alone time!

If your hospital job was 12 hour nights, that still gives you 4 nights to be off/week.

[Zippy83]

I personally left night shift just because my body couldn’t take it. I loved it until about 3 am and then I struggled to stay alert until 7:30. Some people adjust but I never did.

However, depending on how long you’ve been together, having an opposite shift might be a good thing LOL.

It’s mostly depends on whether you will become a night person all the time, or if you have normal days on your days off. I have known some nurses who just can’t function during the day and are only night owls, and that affects the relationship, but other nurses are fully functional on their days off, and they are still spending 3 to 4 days a week with their partner.