I hate night shift

[Wrangler156]

I am a new grad RN, graduated in December, passed NCLEX in Feb 1st try 75 questions (so happy I did that I was a nervous wreck!) Started my job as an RN that week after the license came through I was already working as an intern. I thought oh night shift it won't be that bad, etc............ I WAS WRONG VERY VERY WRONG. I am married no kids though thankfully, my husband works day shift at his job. I barely see him on the nights I go in we meet up at a store or something and I see him for 10-15 min before I go in since by the time he would get home I would of already left for work, I cry every time I have to leave him and here lately I have been crying privately at work. I do better if I am with my husband all day prior to going in but that can't always happen if it is like today a Monday and he is at work and I am here waiting for 5pm crying so I can leave and go see him for 10 min before I go into work. I feel pathetic, my work environment has gotten worse we are almost always short sometimes leaving me with 6 or 7 patients which I can not adequately take care of ( I mean they are taken care of but I feel like I am constantly forgetting something or not providing the best care for), corporate is on our butts about freaking everything, I am currently applying for NP school since really the reason I came into the nursing profession was so I could obtain my FNP degree and work in a Dr office and have more one on one time with patients and of course have better hours sometimes. I have to give a shout out to all you floor nurses out there who do handle it and all you night shift nurses who handle it, you are better than me ! I have looked and looked for day shift jobs locally and to much search no such luck...... I didn't know if anyone here had any of the same problems I feel like I am the only one I just miss my husband so much when we are apart and I am sick of having tons of admits and not sure of what I am doing 100% (I think this is a new grad problem not being 100% confident) I need day shift I think and less patients. I have long time contemplated ICU step down I did an internship there and enjoyed it, but there aren't any day shift jobs or job period there right now. I keep telling myself it is temporary and I can do anything for a little bit, I just want in NP school so bad that is what I really want to do, I am going to continue working through school so I may have to do school part time or work part time depending.

Has anyone else had the problem of separation anxiety of leaving their husband/spouse ? Feeling overwhelmed? Also any tips for NP school would be much appreciated and/or schools that you recommend that are online/blended or strictly online I could do on campus as well but it would need to be in or near a state around me which would be east TN, NC, or VA I have a good GPA 3.66 (I think it is good anyways). I am at just such a loss this can not be normal to cry every night before work..... I am not sure if I can last beyond 6 months at this....... 6 months is what is pretty much required at my place of employment.

[CaringGerinurse525]

How many shifts do you work a week? I understand working different shifts then your spouse can be difficult. If going part-time is an option then maybe try that!

[MidLifeRN2012]

I never want to be in a position where I would be clingy to another person. I love my independence too much. The only way I would enjoy being married is if I had several hrs a day of alone time. 20 years divorced and loving it :) I come and go as I please now that my son is grown. I control the remote and I take over the bed:)

I love night shift. Our patients are asleep and in psych are not usually physically sick and are all self maintaining with ADLs. Get paid better with the differential and only 1 or 2 meds to give at 0600. After all charting done, if no patient crises-downtime to get reading done :).

I would never choose to work days. Way too stressful, especially as a new nurse.

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

There is nothing unhealthy about missing your husband because you barely see him. I have been married for 15 years, have 2 children, and still cry sometimes at night when I have to leave them to work 7p-7a. I don't know why society treats women like they are crazy for actually wanting to be with their family. Like its some badge of honor to say hey I married this guy but I keep my own name, bank account, and don't need him or my children because I have this separate full rockin life. Hear me roar in my awesomeness. I think you should share your feelings with your husband and doctor. And make plans to change shifts. I will also say that working nights is not good for your marriage. I only do it 1-2 nights a week and that is done at the end of April. You will of course get other opinions. Follow your heart and gut.

I don't think this is really where the OP is coming from. Missing one's spouse is healthy. Wanting to spend more time with spouse, family is healthy. You threw in the part about bank accounts and children and keeping one's maiden name, NONE OF which the OP had said a word about other than she did NOT have children. So....don't know why that's in there at all, actually, as it's a completely separate situation and discussion.

No, the OP has described a very unhealthy state of being: she cries when she's away from her husband. She cries because she's ABOUT to be away from her husband, and we're NOT talking about a deployment to Afghanistan, we're talking about a single shift! And if she works 12's as it seems she does, then she has FOUR days off to be all over him if she wishes.

I've worked night shift for years (not now, but have), and am very much attached to my family, my children, my husband. FWIW, my finances are all jointly held with spouse, and I took his surname when I married. I'm about as "in love" with my family as it gets. I take time off so I don't miss any events I don't absolutely 100% have to miss.

But I sure don't cry when I'm going to leave him to go to work, or cry because I'm at work and he's not there holding my hand. I'm AT WORK. There's such a thing as a healthy separation of adults, and an unhealthy attachment. The OP falls into the latter group, IMHO; perhaps it's because the nightshift stress is adding significantly on top of New Nurse stress....undoubtedly that's at play here. THAT'S normal behavior associated with such stress. But the excessive clinginess because of the separation just isn't normal, no matter how anyone spins it.

Saying that night shift is "bad for your marriage" is quite a blanket statement, and does not apply to everyone. Perhaps, just maybe, it would be GOOD for her marriage if it gets her away from an overly-dependent home situation....maybe, I don't know. But it's also about as likely as the "it's bad for your marriage" possibility.

OP, you have received some really good feedback and advice. NO ONE attacked you, they only reacted to what YOU told them. You might not agree with it, you might not want to hear it, but that doesn't make any of it "an attack". Perhaps that's part of the problem as well, I don't know. When you tell people what you have told us, you cannot be shocked that people don't think it's ok.

[FloatFNP-C, BSN, MSN, NP]

I am still a new grad, not as new as you are, and I am newly married. Basically started night shift a few months before our honeymoon!

It's normal to have anxiety about not being 100%... Just remember to ask questions when you are unsure.

I have cried once or twice when my leaving my hubby to go to work... But it's not Just because I'll miss him. Its more like I miss you-I'm jealous you get to stay home- I'm missing the new Big Bang Theory episode- WAH. Lol.

I hate leaving him, yes. But we both know it's necessary and short-term, so we make the best of our days off together.

I hope you find a balance. Just keeping searching for a new day shift position, because regardless of why you are unhappy, you deserve to be happy.

[Tina, RN]

I think anxiety about the new job, along with the exhaustion of working nights is making you super-sensitive to everything and making you miss hubby more than usual. I love my husband, he is my best friend. When I am anxious or upset, it makes me feel better to be able to talk to him and be with him. :)

You mentioned being prone to depression and anxiety. Seek some counseling. It will help you manage until you are able to finish out your 6 months and find something new, on day shift.

Best wishes to you!

[cholmes1223]

GIRL...you are a new nurse who has FOUND a job and youre unhappy because you miss your spouse. You work 3 days a week, I imagine, you are there for 12 hours...do the very best you can and go home to be with your husband and enjoy the check you get every 2 weeks. Seriously, do you know how many posts there are for new grads who cannot find a job, and you are complaining.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I am very close to my husband. I am no "hear me roar", financially separate feminist and I STILL think it is out of balance to cry every night at the idea of leaving one's husband to go to work. If someone wants to take that to the extreme interpretation that I somehow don't love my husband or family and am not as attached to them as they themselves are, they are quite mistaking the matter. Let's not be overly dramatic, shall we? There's a lot of gray area here.

The material point is that this OP has an anxiety issue and needs help. Since we can't give medical advice here, pretty much ALL are suggesting she see her physician or a psychologist/psychiatrist for more support in getting happy in what sounds on the surface like a pretty enviable life. She sounds young, like she has poor coping skills and like she is miserable to the point of losing perspective. Nobody should have to live that way. I hope she can get past her anxiousness and defensiveness to get some assistance. This is one of many reasons good young nurses wind up leaving the profession...it is hard.

[macenroe]

To the OP,

I was just curious if you have separation issues from your husband, when he has to work and it's your day off. If you do, then that could be a problem. But, if you only feel this way (crying) when you have to leave him to go to work, then it's probably your job that is stressing you out.

I can relate. I started a new job last Fall, that I am not too terribly fond of. Although I have never cried before work, I certainly don't look forward to going either. It's almost impossible for me to enjoy my day off, because I dread going back the next day. However, I am not sad because I am going to be away from my SO. I just don't want to be at work. LOL! I enjoy being with my SO, but I also enjoy my independence, as well. Do you have a group of friends that you can share your troubles too, or is your husband your sole support system? Just curious. It's a lot of grief to put on one person. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it must be hard for him to meet you for a few minutes before work, when he knows that it is just going to turn into a "crying session".

I have also found that time away from each other can be a good thing. It makes a couple more appreciative of each other, when they do have time together. My SO and I, don't see each other much during the week, due to conflicting work schedules and long hours. Therefore, on the weekends that we both have off, we pack a lot of activities in. Eating out, shopping, taking in the sights, a movie, ect. It makes for a good balance of independence, and togetherness.

[Twinmom06, ASN, APN]

are you a newlywed?

So my husband and I worked together for 10 years before he found another job and I got laid off....and went to nursing school. I've been working nights for several years and recently got 3 12 hour shifts. I text him at night before I know he's heading for bed - say good night (usually during the time I get to sit down at 10:30)...

this is not an attack - you need to learn to separate yourself from him. You are not an extension of him, you're your own person. Sounds like the job is stressing you out, and you'd rather stay home and pull the covers over your head - we've all had days/weeks like that. You're a strong person - you made it through nursing school and boards. Use that strength to over come this.

[MassED, BSN, RN]

There is nothing unhealthy about missing your husband because you barely see him. I have been married for 15 years, have 2 children, and still cry sometimes at night when I have to leave them to work 7p-7a. I don't know why society treats women like they are crazy for actually wanting to be with their family. Like its some badge of honor to say hey I married this guy but I keep my own name, bank account, and don't need him or my children because I have this separate full rockin life. Hear me roar in my awesomeness. I think you should share your feelings with your husband and doctor. And make plans to change shifts. I will also say that working nights is not good for your marriage. I only do it 1-2 nights a week and that is done at the end of April. You will of course get other opinions. Follow your heart and gut.

perhaps the nursing path, as well as being away from her husband are the problems. I don't see night shift has an issue if it's the only job, then you find a way to deal with it. I did. I have always maintained that sleep is a priority. It hasn't adversely affected my relationships with my family. Your priorities shift a bit. You have to adjust your schedule, allowing for normal activities when you can, but sleep is paramount. Protecting that is sacred. If you don't sleep, everything else falls away.

I do think it's wonderful to miss your spouse. There are many types of people who have many different degrees of clinginess, for lack of a better word. I adore my husband, but sometimes it's nice to be at work and get your head into a different world. Intellectually stimulating, in a different way than your home life where you are mom and wife. I have been with my spouse for 20 years and just because you love them doesn't mean you are ATTACHED to them. This is more seen in older couples (like my parents) who often do everything together. I like to have my own space, my own hobbies, but we share those hobbies and space when we need/choose to. There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone has their own relationship definition. Some people tend to get lonely, others don't. I think if you cry leaving your spouse every day, then there's a larger issue. I remember feeling that way after I had my first child. Situational stress might be what's making the OP more clingy to her husband. We can't know all the details because we're not the ones in it. However, it doesn't sound from your post that nursing is the profession for you. You mention hours, time with your spouse, etc. The one thing I was missing in your post was a passion for it. Without that, no amount of money, R&R, or hours can make a nursing job tolerable.

I will add, though, the ER is a great place to be where the pace is fast and you don't have assignments day after day of the same patients.

The OP is new to the profession so there are definitely growing pains. Sometimes you just have to get over it and plow ahead, knowing it'll work itself out.

[firstinfamily, RN]

We all want only the best for you and your family. All of us have made some sacrifices between our nursing careers and family needs. It does help to have a mature mate who understands that just because the shift is 7a-7p that does not mean you get off at 7p all the time. I was a nurse before I met my husband, so he had to get use to the odd shifts and the potential over-time, being on-call, working weekends and holidays etc. It took us a while to find a good balance. Nursing is not like other careers, it does require a huge commitment and sometimes more than we are able to give. There are days when I am truly physically, psychologically and emotionally totally exhausted. You will find your nich, but it takes time and experience. Be Patient!!!

[LakeEmerald]

Don't know if this has been mentioned, but night shift is definitely not for everyone. Some people thrive, some people get by, and some people dive. If someone is unsuited for night shift, it can physically/emotionally wreck the other parts of their life; or, at least cause the other parts to seem worse than they really are, because the person is off balance.

If it's taking 2 days to recover from a shift, OP, try moving to another shift, and maybe things will seem much better. Make a change, and hang in there! I wish you well.