I am a new grad RN, graduated in December, passed NCLEX in Feb 1st try 75 questions (so happy I did that I was a nervous wreck!) Started my job as an RN that week after the license came through I was already working as an intern. I thought oh night shift it won't be that bad, etc............ I WAS WRONG VERY VERY WRONG. I am married no kids though thankfully, my husband works day shift at his job. I barely see him on the nights I go in we meet up at a store or something and I see him for 10-15 min before I go in since by the time he would get home I would of already left for work, I cry every time I have to leave him and here lately I have been crying privately at work. I do better if I am with my husband all day prior to going in but that can't always happen if it is like today a Monday and he is at work and I am here waiting for 5pm crying so I can leave and go see him for 10 min before I go into work. I feel pathetic, my work environment has gotten worse we are almost always short sometimes leaving me with 6 or 7 patients which I can not adequately take care of ( I mean they are taken care of but I feel like I am constantly forgetting something or not providing the best care for), corporate is on our butts about freaking everything, I am currently applying for NP school since really the reason I came into the nursing profession was so I could obtain my FNP degree and work in a Dr office and have more one on one time with patients and of course have better hours sometimes. I have to give a shout out to all you floor nurses out there who do handle it and all you night shift nurses who handle it, you are better than me ! I have looked and looked for day shift jobs locally and to much search no such luck...... I didn't know if anyone here had any of the same problems I feel like I am the only one I just miss my husband so much when we are apart and I am sick of having tons of admits and not sure of what I am doing 100% (I think this is a new grad problem not being 100% confident) I need day shift I think and less patients. I have long time contemplated ICU step down I did an internship there and enjoyed it, but there aren't any day shift jobs or job period there right now. I keep telling myself it is temporary and I can do anything for a little bit, I just want in NP school so bad that is what I really want to do, I am going to continue working through school so I may have to do school part time or work part time depending.
Has anyone else had the problem of separation anxiety of leaving their husband/spouse ? Feeling overwhelmed? Also any tips for NP school would be much appreciated and/or schools that you recommend that are online/blended or strictly online I could do on campus as well but it would need to be in or near a state around me which would be east TN, NC, or VA I have a good GPA 3.66 (I think it is good anyways). I am at just such a loss this can not be normal to cry every night before work..... I am not sure if I can last beyond 6 months at this....... 6 months is what is pretty much required at my place of employment.
I find it is a means to an end. I have to work to help support us and take pride in what I do. I love nights and wouldn't work days if you made me (nah nah nah nah nah). But it isn't for everyone. I hope you find a job that makes you happy. Hugs.
thank you I hope I can find a job that makes me happy as well.
My sister married VERY young...so right off the bat the odds were against them. While not a nurse, my sister worked nights and my brother-in-law worked days and put in a lot of overtime right from the beginning of their marriage. They were like two ships passing in the night many times.
Fast forward 10 years, my sister lost her job and got a new one that was on the day shift (she had a VERY hard time going from 10 years of being a night worker, to being a walker in the sun). It wasn't long afterward the family noticed they were always at each others throats..constant bickering and arguing...and not long after that, they were divorced. My sister insists the opposite shifts kept them together since they weren't together constantly. My sister is still on day shift...and remarried to a man who works evenings...and very happy. For my sister the opposite shifts made the old addage 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' a real thing. :)
my FIL worked away for the first 40 or so years of my IL's marriage - my husband and I are convinced that's why they're married 50 years.
it makes him sad that I am so sad to leave him, but it also makes him somewhat good knowing I miss him so much. We have never been apart up until this and it is causing harm to my health and his neither one of us sleep when I am working. I understand you are trying to help but I do not appreciate you telling me I am abnormal for missing my husband who is also my best friend since growing up I only had 2 friends really and 1 friend and I are no longer friends and the other is out of state my husband is literally my only friend and truly the love of my life.
and that in and of itself isn't healthy! Find some friends, peers etc...my hubs is my BFF too but I've got other friends, some just acquaintances and some that I'd run in front of a bus for - you need to extend your circle...cast your net. You'll find after a while that familiarity breeds contempt. My ex and I only really had each other - we divorced after 2 years because we couldn't stand to be in each others faces anymore.
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
No, it's normal to miss someone, it's not normal to miss someone the amount you are & to cry that much over it. It's great that he is your best friend & "the love of your life". But it sounds like you need to find new friends who work NOC shift like you do. You also need to find better ways to cope & possibly seek mental health help.
This. You also need to start making girlfriends. They make EVERYTHING better. Truly. :)
Specializes in TCU, Post-surgical, Infection Prevention.
The OP may be young in addition to her other concerns.
I am turning 40 this year, my daughter just turned 25 and boy my perception has changed! I had a little "friend-boy" at the beginning of nursing school and nothing was a bigger breakup factor than he not understanding the sacrifices I'd be making as a nursing student. I also snipped some "friends" off - inviting me places that I can't afford, sucking their teeth because I'd rather study than drive 50 miles and spend time with them.
I can't imagine feeling that way about someone other than whom I share DNA - just can't but that's me!
All the best, and I hope you get some advice that you'd like to hear.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Since I am the wife and my husband works long day shifts as well, I end up working my 3 night shifts occasional 4 night shifts and have to come home cook dinner, wash clothes, wash dishes, etc and it takes me a full 2 days to recover from the night shifts then I am still exhausted until the day before I go back into work, I am truly just always exhausted
I'll admit to being one of THOSE feminists that are so deplored these days. (Nevermind that our hard work decades ago contributed to the freedoms that women have achieved and now enjoy). "Because I am the wife" doesn't mean that you do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry on the three days a week that you work 12 hour shifts. Your husband can cook dinner or bring it home from KFC. He can throw in a load of laundry and wash a sinkful of dishes. This "because I am the wife" attitude is one of the attitudes we fought so hard to eradicate forty years ago. It hurts my heart to see women slipping back into the dark ages.
OP... And your husband is incapable of lifting a finger at home how? Hell to the no! I wouldn't be putting up with that for a moment. Sounds like some cultural crapola to me
Two people who work mess the place up and only one cleans? Not in my book. Again so glad I'm single ....
it makes him sad that I am so sad to leave him, but it also makes him somewhat good knowing I miss him so much. We have never been apart up until this and it is causing harm to my health and his neither one of us sleep when I am working. I understand you are trying to help but I do not appreciate you telling me I am abnormal for missing my husband who is also my best friend since growing up I only had 2 friends really and 1 friend and I are no longer friends and the other is out of state my husband is literally my only friend and truly the love of my life.
And I understand that while you may not appreciate hearing it, it IS what you need to hear. Not liking something isn't the same as not needing it, not wanting to know the truth isn't the same thing as not benefitting from hearing it.
The post above, that I have quoted, is both a partial explanation for your extreme dependency (loneliness, lack of friends) and about as clear-cut an example of someone who needs to make some changes in her life before she completely breaks down as it possibly gets.
I'm not mean. I'm not "not getting it". I'm telling it like I see it, and what I see is a very unhappy young woman who is doing the great lion's share of the housework, full-time employment, and wondering what she can do to feel better. I have no doubt your husband is just fine with you "missing him so much", but it ISN'T healthy as a state-of-being for YOU. NO ONE should live as unhappily as you are, without making at least an attempt to change things.
If your husband is literally your only friend, you need to get out and make some new ones. Instead of crying at work, get to know your co-workers, and get together before work and after work, and spend time with FRIENDS more. The laundry and housework can wait, or....how about this....tell your husband it's time to pitch in!
"Because you're the wife and he works long day shifts" is an excuse, and it's kept you ultra-dependent on him. If you were happy with that, I'd never mention it, but you are NOT happy, and it's time you were. I could go into a whole 'nother direction about over-dependence on controlling spouses, but....that part I'll let rest. I'm more concerned with what YOU can do to change the situation, since he isn't about to.
Are you literally your husband's only friend? Is he crying while you're at work (while he's not doing the laundry and other housework)? I'm betting not.
You don't appreciate this advice, either, I'm sure, but my conscience is clear knowing that I laid it out there. I see a young woman in distress, and I'm responding to that, but from here on out, it's all up to you. If you don't want to hear/read it, you can choose to ignore it. But ignoring the situation won't improve it, that's for CERTAIN.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
OP... And your husband is incapable of lifting a finger at home how? Hell to the no! I wouldn't be putting up with that for a moment. Sounds like some cultural crapola to me
Two people who work mess the place up and only one cleans? Not in my book. Again so glad I'm single ....
My husband is gone for two weeks but the moment he comes home is willing to help me with anything. There should be no reason your husband doesn't help. My husband is even willing to quit his job & let me go back to work if I wanted to.
I really can't believe all of the negative comments on here. I feel the EXACT same way that you're describing and I think it's completely normal. I work in a very high level ICU at the moment and my anxiety at the thought of going into work and not knowing 100% of the time what I'm doing coupled with the fact I'm on an opposite schedule of my husband drives me to tears, sometimes I even throw up. All of the other nurses that I know that have healthy relationships with their spouses are understanding and sympathetic to the way I feel. I think working night shift, although is calmer on the unit, is so difficult for your personal life. Night shift has the potential to destroy relationships, I don't think it's "unhealthy" to cry at the thought of missing dinner with your husband every night and not being able to go to sleep with your spouse. I think the other nurses who had negative comments on here are the reason the profession is so disrespected these days. I'm with you 100% in what you're describing and reading your comment made me feel supported and understood and I hope I did the same for you.
Wrangler156
75 Posts
thank you I hope I can find a job that makes me happy as well.