I am a new grad RN, graduated in December, passed NCLEX in Feb 1st try 75 questions (so happy I did that I was a nervous wreck!) Started my job as an RN that week after the license came through I was already working as an intern. I thought oh night shift it won't be that bad, etc............ I WAS WRONG VERY VERY WRONG. I am married no kids though thankfully, my husband works day shift at his job. I barely see him on the nights I go in we meet up at a store or something and I see him for 10-15 min before I go in since by the time he would get home I would of already left for work, I cry every time I have to leave him and here lately I have been crying privately at work. I do better if I am with my husband all day prior to going in but that can't always happen if it is like today a Monday and he is at work and I am here waiting for 5pm crying so I can leave and go see him for 10 min before I go into work. I feel pathetic, my work environment has gotten worse we are almost always short sometimes leaving me with 6 or 7 patients which I can not adequately take care of ( I mean they are taken care of but I feel like I am constantly forgetting something or not providing the best care for), corporate is on our butts about freaking everything, I am currently applying for NP school since really the reason I came into the nursing profession was so I could obtain my FNP degree and work in a Dr office and have more one on one time with patients and of course have better hours sometimes. I have to give a shout out to all you floor nurses out there who do handle it and all you night shift nurses who handle it, you are better than me ! I have looked and looked for day shift jobs locally and to much search no such luck...... I didn't know if anyone here had any of the same problems I feel like I am the only one I just miss my husband so much when we are apart and I am sick of having tons of admits and not sure of what I am doing 100% (I think this is a new grad problem not being 100% confident) I need day shift I think and less patients. I have long time contemplated ICU step down I did an internship there and enjoyed it, but there aren't any day shift jobs or job period there right now. I keep telling myself it is temporary and I can do anything for a little bit, I just want in NP school so bad that is what I really want to do, I am going to continue working through school so I may have to do school part time or work part time depending.
Has anyone else had the problem of separation anxiety of leaving their husband/spouse ? Feeling overwhelmed? Also any tips for NP school would be much appreciated and/or schools that you recommend that are online/blended or strictly online I could do on campus as well but it would need to be in or near a state around me which would be east TN, NC, or VA I have a good GPA 3.66 (I think it is good anyways). I am at just such a loss this can not be normal to cry every night before work..... I am not sure if I can last beyond 6 months at this....... 6 months is what is pretty much required at my place of employment.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Firstly, from your sporadic writing it sounds like you need to get help for your anxiety & depression. Maybe if you get help for that everything else will fall into place. Because you sound like me when I'm off my meds. So find a therapist (a good one is worth their weight in gold!) & a psychiatrist.
I love my husband to death, he works in the oil field & is gone for 2 weeks at a time. But I don't cry, I keep myself busy. I take care of our son & he is a handful!! I admit, I did cry when he first got his job, but I was also pregnant & hormonal.
Don't make any rash decisions. You have a great job as an RN. There are a lot of nurses looking for jobs right now, be proud of the fact that you have one! So just keep swimming. Good luck.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
There is nothing unhealthy about missing your husband because you barely see him. I have been married for 15 years, have 2 children, and still cry sometimes at night when I have to leave them to work 7p-7a. I don't know why society treats women like they are crazy for actually wanting to be with their family. Like its some badge of honor to say hey I married this guy but I keep my own name, bank account, and don't need him or my children because I have this separate full rockin life. Hear me roar in my awesomeness. I think you should share your feelings with your husband and doctor. And make plans to change shifts. I will also say that working nights is not good for your marriage. I only do it 1-2 nights a week and that is done at the end of April. You will of course get other opinions. Follow your heart and gut.
If you cannot stand alone as your own person, you have nothing to contribute to a relationship. And if you cannot stand to be away from your spouse even for a day or so, you're not standing on your own two feet. There's something not quite healthy about that.
No one on this thread suggested treating women as if they are crazy for wanting to be with their family, but crying every time you are separated from them, even for the length of a working shift, is pathological.
As for having your own bank account -- as recently as the 1970s, when I was married for the first time, women weren't allowed to have credit cards in their own name unless some man co-signed for them. A married woman had to have her husband co-sign. So there I was, working as a nurse and making a decent living, supporting my unemployed husband, and had to have HIM sign for MY credit card. We've come a long way. I don't appreciate you ridiculing Helen Reddy's song, which was more or less an anthem for the women of that time.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Just keeping searching for a new day shift position, because regardless of why you are unhappy, you deserve to be happy.
If the problem is being separated from her husband for a whole twelve hours, day shift isn't going to help that. And the extra hustle and bustle going on during the daylight hours may make the new grad stress a lot more difficult. I think the OP needs to seek out some help for her mental health issues. Everyone deserves to be happy, and I don't think any thing short of mental health care is going to help the OP with that.
I am a new grad RN, graduated in December, passed NCLEX in Feb 1st try 75 questions (so happy I did that I was a nervous wreck!) Started my job as an RN that week after the license came through I was already working as an intern. I thought oh night shift it won't be that bad, etc............ I WAS WRONG VERY VERY WRONG. I am married no kids though thankfully, my husband works day shift at his job. I barely see him on the nights I go in we meet up at a store or something and I see him for 10-15 min before I go in since by the time he would get home I would of already left for work, I cry every time I have to leave him and here lately I have been crying privately at work. I do better if I am with my husband all day prior to going in but that can't always happen if it is like today a Monday and he is at work and I am here waiting for 5pm crying so I can leave and go see him for 10 min before I go into work. I feel pathetic, my work environment has gotten worse we are almost always short sometimes leaving me with 6 or 7 patients which I can not adequately take care of ( I mean they are taken care of but I feel like I am constantly forgetting something or not providing the best care for), corporate is on our butts about freaking everything, I am currently applying for NP school since really the reason I came into the nursing profession was so I could obtain my FNP degree and work in a Dr office and have more one on one time with patients and of course have better hours sometimes. I have to give a shout out to all you floor nurses out there who do handle it and all you night shift nurses who handle it, you are better than me ! I have looked and looked for day shift jobs locally and to much search no such luck...... I didn't know if anyone here had any of the same problems I feel like I am the only one I just miss my husband so much when we are apart and I am sick of having tons of admits and not sure of what I am doing 100% (I think this is a new grad problem not being 100% confident) I need day shift I think and less patients. I have long time contemplated ICU step down I did an internship there and enjoyed it, but there aren't any day shift jobs or job period there right now. I keep telling myself it is temporary and I can do anything for a little bit, I just want in NP school so bad that is what I really want to do, I am going to continue working through school so I may have to do school part time or work part time depending.
Has anyone else had the problem of separation anxiety of leaving their husband/spouse ? Feeling overwhelmed? Also any tips for NP school would be much appreciated and/or schools that you recommend that are online/blended or strictly online I could do on campus as well but it would need to be in or near a state around me which would be east TN, NC, or VA I have a good GPA 3.66 (I think it is good anyways). I am at just such a loss this can not be normal to cry every night before work..... I am not sure if I can last beyond 6 months at this....... 6 months is what is pretty much required at my place of employment.
Well no.... Our marriage has significantly improved since I started working midnights!
I feel your pain. I am typing this as I get through my night shift. Yes, it's tough, but there are ways to make it less so. My humble tips should be taken with a grain of salt, cause they won't work or be applicable to everyone. The number one danger of night shift is loss of sleep. I'm a psych RN and I'm sure I don't have to say that without sleep, for even just a couple of days, we all become unglued, and unable to tell the difference between reality and non-reality. I am a huge believer in "whatever works". I highly recommend a Lunesta prescription. No Ambien. Why? I've seen people who use Ambien become unstable, have mood swings and can sleep walk. Lunesta seems to work very well for me and my night shift peers. I recommend a "holiday" from time to time, so there is no chance of tolerance or dependence. Also, caffeine is your best friend. It's unnatural to be awake overnight, so I trick my brain with highly caffeinated coffee and Tea (I recommend Republic of Teas caffeine infused Teas), which you can find online. I also recommend running. If you can go on a 2-3 mile run before or after your shift, it will provide you with several benefits. If you don't run, or have never tried, a personal trainer can get help get you up to speed. You'll be more focused and present, will be more relaxed and you'll sleep better. I'm a huge believer in running, for so many reasons. Another tip: Get a Pit crew. My wife is my pit crew for me when I do my 3, 12hr night shifts. I use the example of a race car driver and a supportive pit crew. My wife ensures I have clean scrubs and prepares espresso/tea, meals and snacks for work. She also ensures that when I start looking and sounding like a zombie after work, that I'm getting to bed at a decent hour. Another tip: I highly recommend black out curtains, and eye covers, and ear plugs, so after you take your Lunesta, the sunlight/noise won't keep you awake. I know these tips may seem odd, but I've been using them for years they've helped my survive and thrive on nights. Best of Luck!
I have cried once or twice when my leaving my hubby to go to work... But it's not Just because I'll miss him. Its more like I miss you-I'm jealous you get to stay home- I'm missing the new Big Bang Theory episode- WAH.
This ^
Although I have never cried...
I find it is a means to an end. I have to work to help support us and take pride in what I do. I love nights and wouldn't work days if you made me (nah nah nah nah nah). But it isn't for everyone. I hope you find a job that makes you happy. Hugs.
Mr. MaryJean and I have been married 40 year in August. I've been a nurse or a nursing student all of that 40 years give or take a few months. I have ALWAYS worked the opposite shift - in the beginning because it was what I could find, and then so our kids never had to attend daycare. (NOT dissing daycare, just saying it was a joint decision we made.)
Part of the reason we've STAYED married 40 years is from working opposite shifts. I'm convinced of it. And yes, we like each other just fine. (Well, he does load the dishwasher wrong......)
Part of the reason we've STAYED married 40 years is from working opposite shifts. I'm convinced of it. And yes, we like each other just fine. (Well, he does load the dishwasher wrong......)
My sister married VERY young...so right off the bat the odds were against them. While not a nurse, my sister worked nights and my brother-in-law worked days and put in a lot of overtime right from the beginning of their marriage. They were like two ships passing in the night many times.
Fast forward 10 years, my sister lost her job and got a new one that was on the day shift (she had a VERY hard time going from 10 years of being a night worker, to being a walker in the sun). It wasn't long afterward the family noticed they were always at each others throats..constant bickering and arguing...and not long after that, they were divorced. My sister insists the opposite shifts kept them together since they weren't together constantly. My sister is still on day shift...and remarried to a man who works evenings...and very happy. For my sister the opposite shifts made the old addage 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' a real thing. :)
it makes him sad that I am so sad to leave him, but it also makes him somewhat good knowing I miss him so much. We have never been apart up until this and it is causing harm to my health and his neither one of us sleep when I am working. I understand you are trying to help but I do not appreciate you telling me I am abnormal for missing my husband who is also my best friend since growing up I only had 2 friends really and 1 friend and I are no longer friends and the other is out of state my husband is literally my only friend and truly the love of my life.
Since I am the wife and my husband works long day shifts as well, I end up working my 3 night shifts occasional 4 night shifts and have to come home cook dinner, wash clothes, wash dishes, etc and it takes me a full 2 days to recover from the night shifts then I am still exhausted until the day before I go back into work, I am truly just always exhausted
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
it makes him sad that I am so sad to leave him, but it also makes him somewhat good knowing I miss him so much. We have never been apart up until this and it is causing harm to my health and his neither one of us sleep when I am working. I understand you are trying to help but I do not appreciate you telling me I am abnormal for missing my husband who is also my best friend since growing up I only had 2 friends really and 1 friend and I are no longer friends and the other is out of state my husband is literally my only friend and truly the love of my life.
No, it's normal to miss someone, it's not normal to miss someone the amount you are & to cry that much over it. It's great that he is your best friend & "the love of your life". But it sounds like you need to find new friends who work NOC shift like you do. You also need to find better ways to cope & possibly seek mental health help.
OrganizedChaos, LVN
1 Article; 6,883 Posts
Firstly, from your sporadic writing it sounds like you need to get help for your anxiety & depression. Maybe if you get help for that everything else will fall into place. Because you sound like me when I'm off my meds. So find a therapist (a good one is worth their weight in gold!) & a psychiatrist.
I love my husband to death, he works in the oil field & is gone for 2 weeks at a time. But I don't cry, I keep myself busy. I take care of our son & he is a handful!! I admit, I did cry when he first got his job, but I was also pregnant & hormonal.
Don't make any rash decisions. You have a great job as an RN. There are a lot of nurses looking for jobs right now, be proud of the fact that you have one! So just keep swimming. Good luck.