I am a new grad RN, graduated in December, passed NCLEX in Feb 1st try 75 questions (so happy I did that I was a nervous wreck!) Started my job as an RN that week after the license came through I was already working as an intern. I thought oh night shift it won't be that bad, etc............ I WAS WRONG VERY VERY WRONG. I am married no kids though thankfully, my husband works day shift at his job. I barely see him on the nights I go in we meet up at a store or something and I see him for 10-15 min before I go in since by the time he would get home I would of already left for work, I cry every time I have to leave him and here lately I have been crying privately at work. I do better if I am with my husband all day prior to going in but that can't always happen if it is like today a Monday and he is at work and I am here waiting for 5pm crying so I can leave and go see him for 10 min before I go into work. I feel pathetic, my work environment has gotten worse we are almost always short sometimes leaving me with 6 or 7 patients which I can not adequately take care of ( I mean they are taken care of but I feel like I am constantly forgetting something or not providing the best care for), corporate is on our butts about freaking everything, I am currently applying for NP school since really the reason I came into the nursing profession was so I could obtain my FNP degree and work in a Dr office and have more one on one time with patients and of course have better hours sometimes. I have to give a shout out to all you floor nurses out there who do handle it and all you night shift nurses who handle it, you are better than me ! I have looked and looked for day shift jobs locally and to much search no such luck...... I didn't know if anyone here had any of the same problems I feel like I am the only one I just miss my husband so much when we are apart and I am sick of having tons of admits and not sure of what I am doing 100% (I think this is a new grad problem not being 100% confident) I need day shift I think and less patients. I have long time contemplated ICU step down I did an internship there and enjoyed it, but there aren't any day shift jobs or job period there right now. I keep telling myself it is temporary and I can do anything for a little bit, I just want in NP school so bad that is what I really want to do, I am going to continue working through school so I may have to do school part time or work part time depending.
Has anyone else had the problem of separation anxiety of leaving their husband/spouse ? Feeling overwhelmed? Also any tips for NP school would be much appreciated and/or schools that you recommend that are online/blended or strictly online I could do on campus as well but it would need to be in or near a state around me which would be east TN, NC, or VA I have a good GPA 3.66 (I think it is good anyways). I am at just such a loss this can not be normal to cry every night before work..... I am not sure if I can last beyond 6 months at this....... 6 months is what is pretty much required at my place of employment.
I am just guessing, but it almost sounds like you have not been married for very long. Working night shift takes a toll on any relationship. My husband and I have been married for 30 years, and I have worked various shifts. The best shift for me was 3-11, but that did not work for him or my family. When the hospitals went to 12 hour shifts it screwed up most of us!! Working three 12 hour shifts does give one more days off but at what price??? I think anyone who works 12 hour days is pretty exhausted after working them and most likely does not do a whole heck of a lot their first day off. With night shift, getting your body clock (circadium rhythm) to turn around is difficult and sometimes detrimental to your body. I only work 12 hour nights weekends, my shifts are on Saturday, Sunday. I usually try to wean myself during the week so that by Friday night I am staying up all night and sleep on Saturday during the day to help prepare me for the night shift I am about to work. Sunday I go to bed after work and sleep most of the day, work that night, and when coming home on Monday eat breakfast and go to bed, sleep most of the day. It is very hard to rotate your body from night to days, so I really do not become fully functional until Wednesday during the day and by then it is about time to turn my clock around again for Friday preparing for Saturday night!!! I think your anxiety is related to some of the reality shock of being a new nurse but some of it may also be from sleep deprivation and not having contact time with your husband. When you talk to your manager, you could ask that your scheduled shifts be scheduled together, verses one on, one off, one on etc; so your body is not going all whacky. Day shift positions are usually very difficult to get, there is usually a waiting list for them. Wanting to become a NP is a great goal, but most of us can reassure you that it is not an easy path to follow. Most NPs take some on-call, they work very long hours, they do not have as much time with patients as you would think they do, and there are still some reimbursement issues. You are going to have to go through the steps of improving your skills and accountability before you can become a NP. Are your goals realistic?? Also, remember there is a reason why critical care nurses take less patients, because they are more sick!!! There are usually more procedures, testing, documentation being done on the more critical patients. It does not necessarily mean the load on nursing is any easier!!! Perhaps you and your hubby can have a nice sit down and discuss ways you can have time together. With having more nights off(working 3-12 hour shifts) gives you 4 nights off----so what do you two do with those nights---go out, have some fun, have a date night etc. Spend those nights doing something special together. You have to grab the time together when you can. If you are having trust issues there are other problems. A counselor would most likely help, see how your husband feels about both of you seeing one----usually employers offer some psych counseling with limited visits free of charge. Nursing is a very demanding field---it takes a little from all of us; it gives also, but it is not always a balanced equation. Good luck!!! I am glad I am on night shift because I do have the extra time to spend with patients, something that I never had on day shift!!!
I understand what you are saying completely. I graduated with my RN last summer but was working as a LPN PRN for about a year before that and I work the night shift. First of all, I think nursing just isn't for me, but working night shift has made it even worse. My boyfriend and I are expecting our first child together and I have a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Like your husband, my boyfriend works days and we have different days off, so I never get to see him. I hardly get to see my daughter either. Since I'm the new nurse at my small town's hospital, I get the pleasure of working the weekend graveyards and will probably be stuck working that shift until one of the seasoned nurses decides to retire (which all of them are still far from retiring.) I hate it. My days off, my daughter is in school and my boyfriend is at work. Then on their days off from school and work, I have to sleep to be ready for my night shift. Its just plain depressing. Since I live in a small town there aren't really any options for employment other then the hospital where I work. I'm tired of not having a normal life and yes I too have cried multiple times because of job. I think I have a very good idea of how you are feeling and I just want you to know you aren't alone. I'm right here with you.
I agree with whoever mentioned your despair re: your job and night shift is likely making you more emotional about other things, such as leaving your husband.
Night shift didn't agree with me ... I couldn't sleep during the day and it took me 2.5 days to recover from my two nights (I did two 12hr days, two 12hr nights and then had 5 days off), so I was constantly exhausted and felt similarly to having the flu. I was a mess! I could truck through the two nights but on my days off I was just a mess. Night shift isn't for everyone, that's for sure.
That being said, I had a couple nursing jobs that I disliked so much it affected every other aspect of my life. I was not myself, miserable, unhappy, didn't have any energy to do anything ... It took over my whole life. When my husband was home and I had to work nights (he is a trucker and away a lot so with our two crappy schedules it was rare to see each other), I would just hate to leave. It didn't seem as bad as leaving for my day shifts ... And I'm not sure what it is but I like to be home at night so I would sometimes get emotional leaving for work at night, even when he wasn't home.
You likely have so much stress and anxiety re: work (new grad stress, disliking night shift, work environment, etc.) that you don't want to go, so of course you'd get emotional when leaving. You want to be with your greatest source of support and someone who can comfort you and that makes you feel better when you're with that person.
If that sounds kind of like it could make sense, maybe check with your employer to see if there is an Employee Assistance Program that covers short term counseling. Another thing to keep in mind, and I say this from experience, is sometimes what you think is stressing you out isn't, or you're more stressed about something than you initially thought (I am the queen of compartmentalizing!). Talking it through with someone (third party) can be very helpful. Also, get back to doing something you love if you have recently stopped because you're too busy or tired!
Night shift step down is not a piece of cake, I have been doing it for 16 years! We have 5 patients with high acuity illnesses. Last night I had a non-hemorrhagic stroke that was evolving, a hemorrhagic CVA, a glucostabilizer, a post-op day 2 CABG with 3 chest tubes on a temporary pacemaker, and a gi bleed with hgb of 5.9 receiving blood. Did I mention my CABG was isolation for MRSA? And I was charge!
Are you sleeping well during the day? This may be part of your problem.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I am a new grad RN, graduated in December, passed NCLEX in Feb 1st try 75 questions (so happy I did that I was a nervous wreck!) Started my job as an RN that week after the license came through I was already working as an intern. I thought oh night shift it won't be that bad, etc............ I WAS WRONG VERY VERY WRONG. I am married no kids though thankfully, my husband works day shift at his job. I barely see him on the nights I go in we meet up at a store or something and I see him for 10-15 min before I go in since by the time he would get home I would of already left for work, I cry every time I have to leave him and here lately I have been crying privately at work. I do better if I am with my husband all day prior to going in but that can't always happen if it is like today a Monday and he is at work and I am here waiting for 5pm crying so I can leave and go see him for 10 min before I go into work. I feel pathetic, my work environment has gotten worse we are almost always short sometimes leaving me with 6 or 7 patients which I can not adequately take care of ( I mean they are taken care of but I feel like I am constantly forgetting something or not providing the best care for), corporate is on our butts about freaking everything, I am currently applying for NP school since really the reason I came into the nursing profession was so I could obtain my FNP degree and work in a Dr office and have more one on one time with patients and of course have better hours sometimes. I have to give a shout out to all you floor nurses out there who do handle it and all you night shift nurses who handle it, you are better than me ! I have looked and looked for day shift jobs locally and to much search no such luck...... I didn't know if anyone here had any of the same problems I feel like I am the only one I just miss my husband so much when we are apart and I am sick of having tons of admits and not sure of what I am doing 100% (I think this is a new grad problem not being 100% confident) I need day shift I think and less patients. I have long time contemplated ICU step down I did an internship there and enjoyed it, but there aren't any day shift jobs or job period there right now. I keep telling myself it is temporary and I can do anything for a little bit, I just want in NP school so bad that is what I really want to do, I am going to continue working through school so I may have to do school part time or work part time depending.
Has anyone else had the problem of separation anxiety of leaving their husband/spouse ? Feeling overwhelmed? Also any tips for NP school would be much appreciated and/or schools that you recommend that are online/blended or strictly online I could do on campus as well but it would need to be in or near a state around me which would be east TN, NC, or VA I have a good GPA 3.66 (I think it is good anyways). I am at just such a loss this can not be normal to cry every night before work..... I am not sure if I can last beyond 6 months at this....... 6 months is what is pretty much required at my place of employment.
Being this attached to your husband is neither normal nor healthy. How does HE feel about this clinginess?
Feeling stressed and overwhelmed as a new graduate nurse is normal. Crying before, during and after work isn't abnormal. Difficulty adjusting to nights is normal, and there are a lot of threads on this forum with advice on that. Do a search on "night shift", and you'll find a lot of help.
Changing jobs is not the answer -- you're just adding new co-workers, no procedures, new policies, new patient population, new locations for all the supplies and equipment you need and new boss to the mix. If you're already overwhelmed to the point that you're crying most of the time, changing jobs is only going to make things worse. It sounds to me as if you have some mental health issues you need to address. Please check into seeing a mental health professional, possibly getting some medication to help with your depression and/or anxiety and getting your own health under control.
When you have your health under control and have learned to be competent in your current job, then you can look into changing jobs. Understand, though, that NPs sometimes have lousy hours and don't get to spend all day with their spouses. You're going to have to learn to stand on your own two feet.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
A few comments here are making me feel attacked to be completely honest, then a few are helpful as well. Yes this is my first " actual" job I had an internship and externship while in nursing school that lasted about 7 months prior to accepting my first RN job, I really enjoyed it, it was day shift and weekends as well I wasn't thrilled about weekends but I was OK with it because I got to come home to my husband at night and cook dinner together, etc.
I think I may of lead people on the wrong direction when I made the statement about NPs, I am aware I will have 15-20min with each pt, etc in an office, but I have shadowed multiple NPs during my nursing school career and I absolutely LOVED my NP days in busy offices vs my RN clinical days on the floor. I think I am having a hard time with this job because I am away in the evening and yes I sleep during the day, but I am always exhausted and then still exhausted for 2 days after I get off work then I have 1 day then I am back to work again. My intern and externship was 12hr days 3 days/week plus I was in school running every which direction for clinicals and every thing else, but in the past I have thrived on a busy schedule just apparently not so much in the hospital. I do good with paperwork always have, I have always said NP is where I am meant to be, but this floor is killing me, 6 and 7 pts (tonight I will have 5 thank goodness which I am still eh with but whatever). I am currently looking at new jobs that are day shift and critical care/acute care/ step down since I need critical/acute care experience. I am going to go speak to my manager next week to address my issues and see if she will allow me to leave early if I were to get the day shift position. day shift I am a lot better emotionally/mentally than night shift I have always been prone to depression and anxiety I had not ever worked night shift until these past 4 months and quite honestly I will be good if I can make it to the 6 month mark.
No one attacked you. I've seen some good suggestions.
I don't think day shift or a more acute patient population are the answers you're looking for. I think you need to get your health under control.
Perhaps you could talk with your supervisor about taking time off to reset. I'm not absolutely certain, but you might be able to qualify for unpaid time off under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Nursing is a service-oriented profession so the element of handling expectations, pathologies, patients, families, and colleagues will be present in any job that is direct patient care, whether working as an RN or an NP; in a jail, a school, a free clinic, or a hospital. That said, it's difficult to be a new hire, a new graduate, in probably many industries, but in nursing, especially on a busy medical-surgical ward, the demands are greater, the pace faster, and the stakes higher. If you always remember that at the core of why you are getting in your car and driving to work is because the patients need you, perhaps it will give you the necessary fuel. You might remind yourself that you've worked hard to earn your degree and now have the privilege of applying noble skills to a population that needs them. As a nurse, you're a valuable part of a ward, a clinic, a hospital, and you can be counted on to give people good quality care so that they can get better and return to doing whatever it is that they love. Sometimes stepping back and seeing the value in what you do every day can increase confidence in what you're doing and decrease the fear that it won't be done perfectly. Finally, this experience is only a small snippet in what would likely be a long and rewarding nursing career. It will get better.
There is nothing unhealthy about missing your husband because you barely see him. I have been married for 15 years, have 2 children, and still cry sometimes at night when I have to leave them to work 7p-7a. I don't know why society treats women like they are crazy for actually wanting to be with their family. Like its some badge of honor to say hey I married this guy but I keep my own name, bank account, and don't need him or my children because I have this separate full rockin life. Hear me roar in my awesomeness. I think you should share your feelings with your husband and doctor. And make plans to change shifts. I will also say that working nights is not good for your marriage. I only do it 1-2 nights a week and that is done at the end of April. You will of course get other opinions. Follow your heart and gut.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
I am still just reeling about the idea of getting on day shift and then asking your manager if you can get off early from that. I do know of some hospitals that once upon a time offered staggered 8 and 12 hour shifts on an ICU/CCU stepdown unit, but that was many years ago.It meant a lot of juggling for the scheduler. With the advent of exclusively 12 hr shifts, would getting off early be even possible? That would require you co-workers to add patients to their assignments for the last 4 hrs of the shift and I don't know anybody who'd be too happy about that.
There is nothing unhealthy about missing your husband because you barely see him. I have been married for 15 years, have 2 children, and still cry sometimes at night when I have to leave them to work 7p-7a. I don't know why society treats women like they are crazy for actually wanting to be with their family. Like its some badge of honor to say hey I married this guy but I keep my own name, bank account, and don't need him or my children because I have this separate full rockin life. Hear me roar in my awesomeness. I think you should share your feelings with your husband and doctor. And make plans to change shifts. I will also say that working nights is not good for your marriage. I only do it 1-2 nights a week and that is done at the end of April. You will of course get other opinions. Follow your heart and gut.
I don't think it is unhealthy to miss your spouse but the described behavior in the OP is way out of the expected realm leading me to believe there is more going on that would benefit from being addressed. I'm one of those women who feels it is important to have some financial independence for many reasons and I am also comfortable that my family is confident and independent enough to manage when I'm not home even if they might prefer I was there. I'm not always going to be here so while we can enjoy and relish our family time none of us are so dependent on it that we crumble if a few days go by without major contact.
I think OP meant getting off early from the 6 month night shift agreement?
I'm going to be frank but not meaning to sound insensitive (Nights were rough for me, couldn't sleep and always comstipated), I would dig deep and finish my commitment. I don't think 4 more mos of almost anything is undoable, especially as I was building my career in this competitive market.
I would make make the most of any shared days/part days off and try to meet for breakfast or dinner between shifts starting, there must be a couple of opportinities per week to do that?
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
If you feel "attacked", I can already see an issue with you . All the more reason to get good counseling. It's about a heck of a lot more than "hating night shift".
Every poster here is sincere and trying to help you. Unfortunately, It's your problem if you don't like what is said. Don't post on a public forum and not expect opinions you don't like.
It does not work like that. You put it out there, you will get reactions/opinions.
firstinfamily, RN
790 Posts
I am just guessing, but it almost sounds like you have not been married for very long. Working night shift takes a toll on any relationship. My husband and I have been married for 30 years, and I have worked various shifts. The best shift for me was 3-11, but that did not work for him or my family. When the hospitals went to 12 hour shifts it screwed up most of us!! Working three 12 hour shifts does give one more days off but at what price??? I think anyone who works 12 hour days is pretty exhausted after working them and most likely does not do a whole heck of a lot their first day off. With night shift, getting your body clock (circadium rhythm) to turn around is difficult and sometimes detrimental to your body. I only work 12 hour nights weekends, my shifts are on Saturday, Sunday. I usually try to wean myself during the week so that by Friday night I am staying up all night and sleep on Saturday during the day to help prepare me for the night shift I am about to work. Sunday I go to bed after work and sleep most of the day, work that night, and when coming home on Monday eat breakfast and go to bed, sleep most of the day. It is very hard to rotate your body from night to days, so I really do not become fully functional until Wednesday during the day and by then it is about time to turn my clock around again for Friday preparing for Saturday night!!! I think your anxiety is related to some of the reality shock of being a new nurse but some of it may also be from sleep deprivation and not having contact time with your husband. When you talk to your manager, you could ask that your scheduled shifts be scheduled together, verses one on, one off, one on etc; so your body is not going all whacky. Day shift positions are usually very difficult to get, there is usually a waiting list for them. Wanting to become a NP is a great goal, but most of us can reassure you that it is not an easy path to follow. Most NPs take some on-call, they work very long hours, they do not have as much time with patients as you would think they do, and there are still some reimbursement issues. You are going to have to go through the steps of improving your skills and accountability before you can become a NP. Are your goals realistic?? Also, remember there is a reason why critical care nurses take less patients, because they are more sick!!! There are usually more procedures, testing, documentation being done on the more critical patients. It does not necessarily mean the load on nursing is any easier!!! Perhaps you and your hubby can have a nice sit down and discuss ways you can have time together. With having more nights off(working 3-12 hour shifts) gives you 4 nights off----so what do you two do with those nights---go out, have some fun, have a date night etc. Spend those nights doing something special together. You have to grab the time together when you can. If you are having trust issues there are other problems. A counselor would most likely help, see how your husband feels about both of you seeing one----usually employers offer some psych counseling with limited visits free of charge. Nursing is a very demanding field---it takes a little from all of us; it gives also, but it is not always a balanced equation. Good luck!!! I am glad I am on night shift because I do have the extra time to spend with patients, something that I never had on day shift!!!